Are you crazy or is someone's passive aggressiveness getting to you.
Well I'm going to show you how to recognize passive aggressive behavior so that
you can do something about it. Keep watching.
This is Life Mastery Gym,
I'm Damon Cart and I teach people just like you cutting edge processes and
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I've been practicing and teaching neuro linguistic programing for years,
which deals a lot with psychology and human behavior and what I'm going to teach
you in this video is how to become immune to passive aggressiveness so that you
can get on to bigger and better things and enjoy your life more and enjoy your
work life more.
Most people encounter passive aggressive behavior in the workplace with their
coworkers,
but you can also encounter it in personal relationships with family members.
Perhaps even a significant other passive aggressive behavior can range from
anywhere from just someone ignoring you to what they call gaslighting,
which is basically just making you feel like you're crazy and that everything's
always your fault and that you've done something wrong.
If you think that you're the target of passive aggressive behavior,
type in yes in the comments right here below. I'm just curious.
I'd like to know how many of you actually feel like you're,
you're being targeted.
The first step is to recognize passive aggressive behavior,
and this can be rather tricky because of the passive part of it,
because it's passive. A lot of times you,
you start experiencing these negative feelings towards someone,
even anger or pain or hurt and you don't really understand why.
Just when you're in their presence,
you feel this way and you might even feel bad on top of it because you don't
know why you feel this way.
You don't know of any specific behavior that they've done that has triggered
this feeling inside of you.
One of the ways to recognize passive aggressive behavior is to notice that
feeling first of all,
and then does that person often treat you or presuppose that you did something
wrong? And not only that,
they take on the tone as if they're willing to tolerate you.
They're willing to forgive you.
They're willing to allow you to make it up to them,
even though you're not even sure what you did wrong.
This is very typical of someone who's being passive aggressive toward you.
So check in with those feelings.
Are you feeling these negative feelings towards someone and you're not sure why?
Because you can't narrow our specify what they did wrong to you,
but you just feel this way around them. And then secondly,
are they taking on that tone of you're always screwing it up and they will allow
you to make it up to them like they're taking some sort of high road by dealing
with you.
What can be so powerful about presuppositions is that it can feel like this
conclusion has already been made, you did wrong, and they're already,
they've jumped forward to the point where they're already talking about
forgiving you.
It's sort of imposed on you and it's sort of like everyone's mind has already
been made up about this. It's already been accepted. This is a fact,
and this leads me to the second part of this is being aware of the frame that
that person who's acting passive aggressively is imposing on you.
Now what do I mean by frame?
In NLP it we use the idea of framing and reframing because all of reality is
perception. So how was that reality being perceived? We do this in frames.
It's a very useful way to look at things because if you can understand how the
frame with the frame is of the perception,
then you can reframe it and that goes for your own perception or influencing the
perception of others. So when people were being passive aggressive,
especially if they're really good at it,
what they're trying to do is they're trying to impose their frame onto you.
Now you might just be thinking, well, I just won't accept their frame.
This is the hard part because most of the time this, this is unconscious.
Like I said, it's presupposed.
So if there's somebody who's imposing their frame on you and you don't realize
it because it's unconscious,
you will naturally sort of slip into it and accept it as the,
as this reality. Reality is true when it it's not,
and when you realize that that's what's what is happening,
then you can reject it. You can say, no, I'm not.
I'm not going to step into that frame.
I'm not going to try to defend something when I haven't done anything wrong.
And that's a lot of times what passive aggressive people will try to get you to
do is go on the defensive and when you go on the defensive,
then you're defending from a place of, it's like you've already,
they've already dug the hole for you and you're in the hole and you're like,
wait a minute, I didn't really do anything wrong,
but I'm still defending myself or I'm still denying something which makes you
look wrong. Basically in any situation, whether it's a negotiation,
a sales situation, or a leader and their followers,
the person with the strongest frame and whatever the interaction is,
it will usually win and they'll get whatever they want and they're especially
powerful at doing this.
If people aren't even conscious of the frame that's being imposed on them.
I'm not suggesting that you should never reflect upon yourself to think about
whether or not you actually might've done something wrong.
You might have harmed somebody that happens sometimes when we're not aware of it.
So if you are feeling that and you're wondering if you're wondering if you
actually did something wrong, that's a good time to do some self reflection.
Don't accept the frame that the person is imposing on you,
but take a minute to step back and ask yourself,
did you really do anything wrong here? And sometimes we do and we didn't mean to.
It just might've come out that way. It also helps to get a second opinion,
a second opinion of someone who you trust,
especially someone who might know that person who's being passive aggressive
against you,
because they might be recognizing that it's a lot easier for other people to
recognize it when they're not in the situation.
So get a second opinion and if you've done something wrong,
of course apologize for it.
But if you're not sure if you did and someone seems to be imposing that on you,
this might be one of those times that somebody is being passive aggressive.
So just don't accept it right away. Take some time with it,
sit with it and really examine whether or not you did violate one of your own
values here. So here's the good part.
When you recognize that this is happening and you reject the frame and you don't
accept the frame that they're imposing on you,
the person who's being passive aggressive is stuck. But hold on,
we're not done yet.
The next part of this is to do what we call goes second position with the
person. This is when you associate into someone else.
This is how we cultivate sympathy and empathy is experienced the world as they
do from their perception as best that we can.
And what you want to do when you do that is you want to try to understand what
the positive intent of this person's passive aggressive behavior is.
Now I know that sounds really counterintuitive and you could think, well,
there's nothing positive about this, and you're right,
there's nothing positive about the behavior, but at its core, underneath it all,
there is a positive intent.
And in NLP we say that all behavior has a positive intent at its origin.
So when you want to do is you want to go to the positive intent,
what might be the positive intent of this person acting passive aggressively
toward you?
Because chances are this is a strategy that they learned early in life to get
what they want. And there might actually be something that they want.
They don't know how to communicate it.
So they act out passive aggressively toward you.
And in some cases they might not even be conscious that they're doing this.
So when you go second position and you find what their positive intent is and
you gently call it out,
you have a real opportunity here to resolve something or help somebody resolve
something and in a way that you can both get what you want.
And that brings me to the other part of positive intent is find out what your
own positive intent is in the situation.
So what do you want out of this situation?
You recognize a person's acting class of passively aggressively toward you.
You go second position you, you try to understand what it is thereafter.
And then you ask yourself, what would you like out of this situation?
And this is hard to do because when someone's acting that way toward you,
that the tendency is to feel emotions like shame, blame, guilt, fear,
anger. And it's hard to get rational and say,
okay, what do I actually want out of this?
It's easy for those emotions to blind us. Cause like I said,
when someone's acting this way around you,
the tendency is just you don't feel good about yourself.
You don't feel good when you're around that person, but you think it's about you.
So step out of these emotions and then ask yourself in an ideal way,
what would you like out of those? What would you like out of calling out there?
Passive aggressive behavior. Beyond that, what do you want out of the situation?
It doesn't mean you're actually going to get it,
but at least it gives you a vision of something to look forward to our target to
go after. When you know you're positive intent in the situation,
this will help ground you so you don't act out from the emotion.
So you can, you can act in a way that's really going to help the situation,
help you or help the situation. When you're able to do this,
you might actually turn an enemy into a friend, doesn't,
it's not gonna always work that way, but that actually might happen,
which is much better than what the situation was before.
If you understand each other better,
it's likely to work out better for both of you. Now, the opposite may be true.
They may deny they're passive aggressive behavior. If you'd call it out,
you start out gently, they deny it. You become more overt about it.
They might continue to deny it. But here's the,
I guess the next best solution to this problem is,
is that once they're aware that you know they're going to stay away from you,
and the reason for that is they're being passive about it because they,
they're afraid of being exposed. They're afraid of being overtly aggressive.
So they do it in a passive way. And if you know it now,
then it looks overt to you and they know that.
So you've called them out so they're gonna, they're gonna stay away from you.
You're not gonna have to worry about this person coming into contact with you
because now they're afraid that you're going to expose them.
So now you know their number, you know their tricks, they know that,
so they're likely to stay away from you now and now you've gotten better control
over your frame and better control over your behavior.
And really the truth is is your behavior is all that you have control over any
way. Sometimes out of emotion,
we get upset and we we want to somehow control the other person's behavior.
Don't do that. Don't step into that trap. Remember,
you want to become really grounded. Know your positive intent.
Know what you want out of a situation.
Expose the other person if you need to and then that's maybe the best that it's
going to get. Like I said, it's best if you can turn an enemy into a friend,
but if that can't happen,
at least you can maintain control over your own frame and over your own behavior.
Now it is possible you could be dealing with an all out narcissists.
And if that's the case,
that's likely the person is not just going to go away a narcissist.
A lot of times we'll keep at it and they're,
they can be relentless at times and at times they can even be dangerous.
So if that's the case,
then I recommend that you watch this other video that I did on narcissism and
how to deal with a narcissist. I'll link that video to this one.
So now you know how to recognize passive aggressive behavior,
but you can't do this completely without being able to read nonverbal
communication.
So what I've done is I've created a free training on sensory acuity and
calibration,
and you can access that training by going to the link that's in the description
below and it actually gets emailed out to you every single day for 30 days.
So you get an understanding of what to do, what to read,
and each day has a new challenge and a new exercise for you to do.
And what this does is it cultivates your ability to read nonverbal communication,
which is more powerful than Vertel communication.
And it will also make you a much stronger communicator and a much stronger
influencer when you can read the communication that's coming from someone that's
not being spoken. How do you deal with passive aggressive behavior?
I'd love to hear from you. Let me know in the comments below and remember,
take advantage of this free training that I'm offering by clicking the link in
the description. Also link it to this video. And if you found this video helpful,
click like and remember this to subscribe and also hit the bell so you'll know
when new videos are coming out. And last but not least,
if you can think of a friend who would find this video useful,
please share it with them. Take care.
Okay.