(zipper zips)
- Good morning, scouts.
Welcome to the Rank King, the show where I rank things.
I'm your Rank King, Eugene,
and as your troop leader, my motto is,
Today we are ranking some of America's favorite treats.
(beep)
(laughter)
Girl Scout Cookies.
(bell dings)
Let's come out of the tent, here we go.
The Girl Scouts were formed in 1912,
and they introduced their cookies in 19...
- 17. (laughs)
So, there are officially 12 Girl Scout Cookies today.
There's only 11 here.
What are we missing?
Gluten-free Caramel Chocolate Chip,
no, that sounds disgusting.
We don't need that one.
Here are the 11 Girl Scout Cookies we are going to rank.
Can I sit like this or is this too sexy?
You know I love the Girl Scouts, I feel like they do
a lot for this country and I wish I was in the Girl Scouts.
(knocking)
- [Man] Well, hello.
Come on in.
Got some Girl Scouts here.
- Hello.
Hi, hi.
Are these the guests, the special guests?
Can we have one second?
One second, one second, okay.
(upbeat music)
Hello.
Girl Scouts.
So, you are my two special rank scouts today.
- I'm Olivia and that's Georgia.
- Hi. - Hi.
And how old are you?
- I'm eight.
- And I'm eight.
- You're both eight?
Guess how old I am. - A grown-up.
(girls laughs)
- I don't know if my mom would agree,
but I'm trying really hard to be grown-up.
What is your favorite thing about being a Girl Scout?
- We get to go camping.
- [Eugene] Like this?
- But not in this kind of environment.
- You mean not inside?
- M-hmm. - Yeah.
I feel it, I like your energy.
Are you the nice one?
- Yeah, probably.
(laughter)
- So, today, we're gonna help everyone out there,
and tell them which cookie is great, and which cookie sucks.
- I think I already know one that I don't like.
- You have a lot of opinions, don't you?
- Yeah.
- I like that.
Okay, so, we have three criteria for judging these cookies.
Criteria one is the look.
Criteria two is taste.
And the final criteria is going to be a special badge.
It's gonna be the most or least--
- The Disgusting Badge.
- Exactly.
I'm gonna let both of you create the first ranking.
At the very end, I'm gonna make any changes I disagree with.
We ready to start?
- Yes. - Yeah.
- Now, you're gonna have to learn my catchphrase first.
Only I shouldn't say this catchphrase for children.
You know what, maybe I should do
a more Girl Scout friendly motto today.
(upbeat music)
- Trefoils.
This is, I think, the first cookie.
- [Georgia] Yep.
- [Eugene] What do you know about trefoils?
- [Georgia] They're tasty.
- They are like a shortbread kinda cookie,
and they're my favorite cookie.
- (gasps) don't give it away yet.
These are, I think what most people think of
when they think of the classic Girl Scout Cookie.
- In the cookie is the Girl Scout symbol.
- Oh, it is? - Mm-hmm.
- I always thought it was just a weird wavy design.
This must get extra points for the look
because you said this is the Girl Scout symbol.
- Yeah, it's like two faces.
- That's a classic shortbread.
I'm also gonna give it a badge for Most Underrated.
I think a lot of people, they think this is plain,
'cause it looks plain, but, you know,
if you nail a good shortbread, you have a good shortbread.
It's your choice, you guys get to rank first.
Wow, already?
You like that right here?
- Yeah. - Okay.
I hope you guys never saw previous episodes of this.
- I have.
- The fruit one?
Okay, not the beer one.
Good.
Next.
Thanks-a-lot.
- Thanks a lot of the cookies.
(laughter) - Yes, exactly.
- [Georgia] Shortbread cookies dipped with rich fudge.
- So, this sounds like it might be a lot
like the trefoil with fudge on it.
- This says thank you on the cookie.
- It says merci, wait a minute.
Mine says merci, in French.
- Don't know what it says.
- Oh, xiexie, xiexie, that's in mandarin.
- I think they all mean thank you.
- They do.
- Just in different languages.
- Gracias.
Wow.
A lot of points for the look then.
Taste like the trefoils.
- I do think this one's better.
- Ooh. - Yeah.
- So, you think the chocolate
doesn't really add anything special.
- Well, it's just really strong,
so, it kinda gives away the cookie part.
- I see, so, this is a no, thank you a lot.
Does it get a special badge?
- No Thank You.
(laughter)
- Are you ready for milk or do you wanna keep going?
- I want some milk.
That chocolate was really strong.
A lot of the Try Guys are lactose-intolerant.
Do you know what that means, lactose-intolerant?
Means when they drink dairy, they get really farty.
(laughter)
- Wait, they can't have cake?
- They can, but then they fart a lot.
(Georgia laughs)
- How do they celebrate their birthday?
- With lots of farting.
(girls laugh)
So, it's happy birthday, here's your cake,
and it's like thppbb.
(laughter)
I like this, can we replace the Try Guys?
Tagalongs.
Also known as peanut butter patties,
but we're gonna call 'em tagalongs,
'cause that's a way more fun name.
- They're peanut butter and chocolate flavored.
- How does it look to you?
- I don't like it.
- Why? - It's plain.
- Kinda boring, eh?
- And it always has to melt on your fingers.
- I can already smell the peanut butter though.
- [Olivia] It's okay.
- That's a strong peanut butter taste.
Well, my badge for it is, Basically
A Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.
Right? - Yeah.
- Where are you gonna put it in the rank?
You're putting it down there!
Do you agree with that? - Yeah.
- They don't like these.
Ooh, I'm feeling a little tension
with the audience already through the screen.
I'm going to hold my tongue
because it's not my turn to rank yet.
Toffee-Tastic.
- [Olivia] It's gluten-free, rich buttery cookies
with the sweet crunchy toffee bits.
- What do you think it looks like?
Do you like the look of it?
- Mm-mm.
There's like hole with stuff coming out of it.
(Eugene laughs)
- You know, I will say from a brand to real life ratio,
it kind of fails.
There's like prettier stuff on it in the picture.
Where if you're like on Tinder and then someone's
photo looks a certain way and then you see them
in real life on a date, and they're just like,
oh, you really photoshopped your photo,
you know what I'm talking about?
You probably don't know what I'm talking about.
- Mm-mm.
- No, good, as it should be.
(cookie crunches)
- [Olivia] It's really hard.
- It is really hard.
I'm gonna give it the badge, Most Like An Old Person Cookie,
but the idea, the stereotype of what
your grandpa or grandma has in like a tin.
I feel like this is a cookie you would find in it.
(Georgia laughs)
All the way at the bottom right now.
So, I'm gonna take this away.
Am I gonna have to clean that up later?
Okay, cool.
Do-si-dos or peanut butter sandwiches.
So, one of the bakeries, ABC Bakers has these long names
that are kinda boring, so, I guess
Little Brownie Bakers has the fun names.
- Oh, this one's moist.
- (laughs) You don't like peanut butter, huh?
- Nope.
Who wants to eat the top?
- Well, we gotta eat it as a sandwich, right?
Unless people like to split them.
This kind of looks like an Oreo.
- And it's like a diamond shape.
- And it's a diamond shape.
Do you know about blood diamond, mystery?
- No.
- In Africa, we'll talk about it later.
Mmm, I can tell the difference with the oatmeal cookie.
It's not as buttery as the shortbread cookies.
So, you just want the chicken nugget.
You don't want the foie gras, which is also
a terrible industry you should not support, foie gras.
You know about foie gras?
It's where they like force-feed a goose.
It's really awful.
Yeah, I'll tell you more about it later.
I'll give it the Peanut Oreo Badge
'cause it's basically a peanut Oreo.
(gasps) Do you agree?
- Yeah.
- Do you agree just 'cause Olivia says it?
- No. - You feel it?
- S'mores!
- Yay. - S'mores.
- These are the sandwich cookie s'mores.
These are really cute.
You can see Girl Scout S'mores written across the top.
S'mores are great, right?
Chocolate, graham cracker, marshmallow.
- Matters about like what kinda day it is,
and like if I feel like s'mores, but if I'm like
forced to eat s'mores I don't think I would quite like 'em.
I would hate to be force-fed s'mores, what a terrible life.
I've never had these.
Pretty good.
- They're a little too sweet.
- A little too sweet?
They have a very sweet flavor inside.
- I know what she means.
- Oh, I kinda like it though.
My special badge is The Sweetest Cookie.
- Sorry.
(Georgia laughs)
- She wants me to clean this up afterwards, huh?
(Eugene laughs)
- We'll be here when he cleans it up,
so, we won't leave no trace.
We might help a little bit.
- A little bit.
- S'mores.
- Again. - Again.
- It's not literally as cool as that
because like, they have different symbols,
the outside is Girl Scout S'mores on that,
and then this, chocolate.
- Just a brown square.
This has less of the white.
It has less marshmallow.
Do you like the taste?
- Mm-hm.
- You like it better than the other s'mores?
- I think they're the same.
- The same.
- 'Cause they have the same ingredients.
- What badge would you give this?
- The Poop Window.
- The Poop Window Badge.
'Cause it looks like a poop window.
- [Georgia] And these s'mores actually look like a s'more.
- You're right.
(Georgia laughs)
- That's a good philosophy
because if they're gonna steal your stuff,
then they don't deserve your friendship.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- They're mean.
- They are mean.
Lemonades.
Do you like lemonades?
- I like lemonade, but I've never had these.
Wow, these are ginormous.
- Wait. - Look at that.
Lemonade. - Oh, my gosh.
- [Eugene] Wow.
- Oh, my gosh, it has white chocolate on the back.
Oh, my gosh, that smells so good.
- Oh, you like it?
- Yeah, it's creative.
- [Olivia] Oh, that tastes like lemon bread.
- Yeah.
Like lemon flavor?
- Yes, I like sour.
- I don't quite like it.
- (gasps) We have a disagreement amongst the scouts.
I'm gonna give this the Tastes Like It Looks Badge,
'cause it looks just like a lemon slice,
and it tastes like a lemon slice.
It sounds like you like it, and you don't like it.
You know what, we're gonna go
with Georgia's ranking right now.
(Georgia laughs)
We're gonna put her, put it where she likes it right here.
Does that sound good?
(laughter)
You have to listen to her, remember,
'cause her mom's the scout leader.
Savannah Smiles.
- Can I open it?
But the thing is my dog does not smile.
- Oh, is your dog named Savannah?
- Yep.
- Do you name the dog after the cookie?
- I don't think so.
- This is the first one that comes in a bag, like loosely.
- One's broken in half.
Very sad savannah.
- This is the only Girl Scout Cookie
with powdered sugar on it. - Ah, very powdery.
- I mean they look like little flat dough balls, right?
You don't like powdered donuts?
Olivia.
Maybe everyone else likes donuts.
Do you like donuts?
- Yes.
- See?
(laughter)
It's okay, you're being a rebel.
(cookie crunches)
- That's hard.
- These are definitely some of the thicker Girl Scout
Cookies just 'cause they're kind of like a little wedge.
They taste kind of similar to the lemonades.
The So Sour It Makes You Smile Badge.
Can I see your Savannah Smile?
(Georgia laughs) Can I see yours?
Cute.
This is mine, pthbt.
(laughter)
- I think it would go right there.
- We have two cookies left.
They're two big famous ones, samoas.
- [Georgia] Samoas.
- These are also known as caramel delites, samoas.
- Oh, that's are a lot of calories.
(Georgia laughs)
- Shh, don't look at the calorie count.
- You're showing me 'em.
- You can see them on all the boxes.
Olivia, you have to sell these to people,
you don't want them to know.
- They're not watching, are they?
- Yeah, millions of people are gonna watch this.
- They used to be my favorite,
and then I got bored of 'em.
- Really?
These are so iconic.
- They kinda look like mini-donuts.
- Little mini-donuts?
- Yeah, it's cute.
- It looks hairy.
- It does look a little hairy.
I mean it is the only Girl Scout Cookie with coconut.
Little furry things can be cute.
- [Georgia] It kinda looks like a tiger.
- Yeah. - Oh, like a baby tiger.
These are definitely the chewiest
of all the Girl Scout Cookies.
So, I think the taste is really good.
You get the dark chocolate, the coconut's very toasted.
I'll give this the Better With Age Badge
'cause I didn't like this as a kid.
Here, both put your hands on it.
Like a ouija board.
And put it where you think it should go.
(Eugene laughs)
This is funny.
Who is stronger?
But right now, they're putting the samoas right here,
which is totally not in any way super crazy,
but I'm not gonna say it right now.
Oh, she's really tempting me to say my actual slogan.
- I kinda like your old one.
- Really?
Aw, I just told a kid to shut up.
Thin mints!
Thin mints, these are hugely popular.
I think these are the number one sellers, right?
The look of the thin mints, classic, iconic.
I always freeze my thin mints whenever I buy them.
- It's very minty.
- You know after trying everything,
they just have such a refreshing flavor.
It's almost like brushing your teeth with a cookie,
but not in a gross way, in a tasty way.
So, thin mints, I'm gonna give this
The Icon Badge, 'cause they're iconic.
They're like the Celine Dion of Girl Scout Cookies.
You know Celine Dion?
You superfans?
- I don't even know what I means.
- Me either.
- You don't know what a Celine Dion is?
- You've never seen Titanic?
- Me neither.
- You know who Kate Winslet is?
Do you know who Leonardo DiCaprio is?
Oh, my God.
- I'd put it for the second best.
- What about you? - I agree.
- Oh, you both agreed and we're gonna
put this in second place right now.
And if anyone disagrees, what will you say?
- I could actually do some changes.
I would put the peanut butter one.
The chocolate was too rich,
so I would actually move it back here.
That one was like really powdery.
I think we should move it a tiny, just one.
- Olivia, you're saying so many different things.
You just were being a negative Nancy for fun.
No, obviously.
- I'm an Olivia.
- You remind me of a young me.
- Elbow.
- Exactly.
(laughter) Elbow.
This is the rank scouts ranking of the cookies.
Up top they put the trefoils.
At the bottom we have both s'mores.
Now,
I have to do
my job as Rank King.
- Elbow. (Georgia laughs)
- Exactly.
The first change I'm going to make,
I'm going to drop the toffee cookie to the bottom.
Nothing against the gluten-free, I just don't think
they taste as good as all the other cookies.
- Yeah.
- There's gonna be a shift with some of these lemons.
The s'mores are tastier than you say they are.
- I actually kinda agree.
- What? Olivia.
Now for the top three.
Drop the trefoils down to third.
- No. - No.
- And finally, I'm gonna put the samoas up top,
and put thin mints in second.
Any age loves a good samoa.
So, this is my final ranking.
Look at that, we finished our ranking.
What's the one thing you wanna say as a Girl Scout?
- The golden rule.
Treat others like you wanna be treated.
- Join, 'cause it's really fun, you get to do
a lot of fun stuff, like camping, hiking--
- Can I come?
- Yeah.
I want you to come.
- Really? - Yeah.
- You could help for as one of the leaders
because I think it would be better
if we have at least one more parent.
- I'm not a parent.
- Well, like a grown-up.
- Do you think I look like I could have kids?
Do you think I could take care of a baby?
- Yeah.
- Do you think I could take care of a baby?
Oh, my God.
What?
What's happening?
Why are they being so nice to me?
That's not how these types of videos go.
- Leave no trace behind.
- Oh, wait, there's leave no trace behind?
Oh, no, look what we did, we just littered
this whole campsite in our outdoor shoot.
We gotta clean this up.
- Okay.
You get the boxes and we'll get the cookies.
(upbeat music)
- Adventure is out there.
Ca-caw, ca-caw.
See you next time on Rank King.
I'm Russell from Up.
(laughing)
Did everyone get that?