Kick!
That's called resilience.
*intro music*
Hello brains!
As I explained last video, the only way failing can keep us from succeeding
is if we stop trying because of it.
Unfortunately, too often, that's what we do.
We give up on whatever we're having trouble with...
"It's too hard."
"That's dumb."
"I don't want to do it."
...or sometimes on ourselves.
"I'm lazy."
"I'm stupid."
"I can't do it."
Why?
You fail enough times, you get discouraged.
Think of whatever you're trying to do in life,
go to school, find a good relationship,
start a career, whatever...
as an old school arcade game.
When you fail or get corrected or whatever,
it's like you lost a life.
You did something wrong? Cool! Now you know.
Lose another life and try again. No big deal.
But if you fail too many times or get too many corrections,
pretty soon, you're all out of lives.
That's...game over.
What now? Do you go home early?
No! You put in another quarter and keep playing.
Of course you have to have a quarter.
In life, that quarter is whatever gets you back in the game
when you get discouraged.
A quarter can be something as simple as a hug
or an inspirational quote,
but more often than not, it's something that someone said to you
that makes you believe you can do it.
That your effort matters even if you fail.
Things like: "I really enjoyed your story.
Have you ever considered being a writer?"
"You know, you're really good at public speaking."
"Yay! You remembered your notebooks!"
Or even: "You're not allowed to give up. You're important."
It's moments when someone recognized you for doing a good job
or even just for trying.
These are all like those quarters we keep in our pockets and pull out when we need them.
They're what enable us to keep playing
game over after game over...
after game over.
....after game over...
Everyone fails. Everyone needs quarters.
But those of us with ADHD fail...a lot.
We get corrected a lot.
In fact, research suggests ADHD kids receive 20,000 more corrective messages
than neurotypical kids do by the age of 12.
That's like 5 more a day.
That means we need a lot more quarters
and that's ok.
In the long run, anyone who made it to the high score list went through plenty of quarters to get there.
Ask Thomas Edison.
It doesn't matter if you need more.
As long as you have 'em, you're good.
So, if you're trying to succeed at something or help your ADHDer succeed,
remember, guidance is important.
Correction helps us get it right,
but none of that matters if we don't have the quarters to keep trying.
So, if your daughter finishes a hard math problem,
do her a favor. Send her back to school with a pocket full of quarters.
"Wow, that was a really hard one, but you kept at it. *ding*
And you showed your work!" *ding*
*ding ding ding*
And see what she's able to accomplish.
By the way, if you're the one who's out of quarters,
you don't have to wait around for someone to hand you some.
You can go get your own.
How? Search them metaphorical couch cushions.
Make a list of things you've done well this week.
Remind yourself how much someone believes in you.
Remember how much someone didn't believe in you and decide to prove them wrong.
You can go earn quarters by helping others.
There's nothing like volunteer work to make you realize you and your efforts matter.
You can dust off your magical quarters.
The praise or encouragement you got once that was
so specific, so powerful, so exactly what you needed to hear,
that you can use it again and again. *angelic singing*
And, maybe most important, don't let anybody steal your quarters;
make you doubt yourself right as you're about to try.
If they criticize something you did,
don't forget the parts you did well.
Especially if that critic is you.
And here's a quarter I'll hand you to get you started.
No matter who you are, you are important.
Even if you think you'll never change the world, you probably already have.
There are teachers I've had, people I've met,
that have no idea how their belief in me
helped me be resilient enough to keep trying until I found something I'm actually good at.
Let's send every kid around with a pocketful of quarters.
You never know when they might need them
or how far they'll take them.
That's it for this week.
I linked to a ton of articles about ADHD praise and resilience in the description below.
If you like this episode, subscribe, and if you loved this episode, consider donating to our Patreon page
like these Brains did!
Thank you to all my Patreon Brains for supporting this show and helping me keep making it.
Oh, and for those of you who encouraged me last week when I hit game over,
thanks for the quarters.
Bye Brains!
Question time!
Bonjour Brain, would you like some French subtitles?
Yes! Absolutely!
I really appreciate all the Brains who contribute subtitles.
Especially in languages I don't speak.
I know how much work goes into translating and subtitling,
but I want you to know it really makes a difference.
It helps us reach even more people all around the world
and that's kind of the goal.
To make sure that no Brain ever has to feel like they have to do this alone.
And in honor of ADHD Awareness Month,
I'd love to get as many subtitles in as many languages as possible,
so I will be checking and approving those subtitles every day for this month.
Happy ADHD Awareness Month!
And thank you for contributing.
Bye Brains!