>> ACTION 9, NEWS AT 5:00. NOR CAL'S NUMBER ONE CHOICE FOR
NEWS. >> GOOD AFTERNOON.
OUR TOP STORY, A 5.3 MAGNITUDE EARTHQUAKE RATTLED DOWNTOWN
SACRAMENTO THIS MORNING, CAUSING WIDESPREAD STRUCTURAL DAMAGE.
OUR OWN RANDALL FIELDS IS IN CAPITOL PLAZA.
RANDALL, BESIDES THE GROUND, WHAT'S SHAKING OVER THERE?
>> WELL LOTS, CAROL. AND GIVEN THE SEVERITY OF THE
SITUATION, I FOUND THAT EARTHQUAKE PUN IN VERY POOR
TASTE. I'M HERE AT THE SOCIAL SECURITY
ADMINISTRATION BUILDING WHERE A PORTION OF THE SECOND FLOOR
CAVED IN, TRAPPING SEVERAL PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE LEGAL
CHANGE OF NAME OFFICE BELOW. I'M TOLD THE BUILDING WAS
ESPECIALLY BUSY AS DUE TO THE PARTIAL GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN
OFFICE HOURS HAVE BEEN LIMITED. JOINING ME ARE TWO GENTLEMEN WHO
WERE INSIDE THE BUILDING, WAITING TO CHANGE THEIR NAMES
WHEN THE EARTHQUAKE STRUCK US. PLEASE, TELL US WHO YOU ARE AND
WHAT YOU REMEMBER. >> YEAH, MY NAME IS
DONALD McRONALD. AND I'M TRYING TO CHANGE MY LAST
NAME TO JOHNSON, FINALLY STOP ALL THE DUMBASS CHILDISH JOKES,
WHEN EVERYTHING JUST STARTED SHAKING.
>> YEAH, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I GOT OUT.
BUT I'M FEELING -- VERY LUCKY RIGHT NOW.
I'M SORRY. I'M FEELING VERY LUCKY RIGHT
NOW. >> AND YOUR NAME SIR?
>> MARK PENIS. I'LL BE CHANGING IT TO
>> RANDALL, I'M SORRY. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CUT
MR. PENIS OFF HERE. WE HAVE AN UPDATE FROM SEARCH
AND RESCUE OFFICIALS AT THE SCENE.
I'M DR. SHANA STEEL, TRIAGE COORDINATOR FOR FAMILY MEMBERS
WORRIED ABOUT RELATIVES WHO WERE IN THE CHANGE OF NAME OFFICE.
HERE IS A LIST OF RESCUED INDIVIDUALS TAKEN TO
ST. JOSEPH'S MEMORIAL HOSPITAL. LISA SIMPSON, BILL COSBY,
MARIO PARTY, TIE KNEE DICK, MORGAN MINDY.
>> NANU NANU. SORRY.
>> THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE ARE AT SACRAMENTO GENERAL.
SIBLINGS GARY, LARRY, AND MARY POTTER.
TACO BELL, IVAN JERKINOV.
PETE OPHELIA AND KEITH, HOW WOULD YOU SAY
THAT? >> KEITH QUEEF.
>> I SHOULD MENTION, THAT WE DID NOT KNOW MR. QUEEF WAS INSIDE SO
WHEN HE CAME OUT IT WAS A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE ARE STILL SEARCHING FOR A REED TODD.
>> YEAH, HEY, WE DON'T SAY THAT WORD ANYMORE.
>> / >> OKAY, LET'S CHECK BACK IN
WITH RANDALL FIELDS. RANDALL, WITH THIS EARTHQUAKE,
ANY IDEAS WHO'S AT FAULT? >> NOBODY IS AT FAULT CAROL, AND
AGAIN, I FIND YOUR EARTHQUAKE JOKES VERY INAPPROPRIATE.
I AM STANDING HERE WITH A CIVILIAN WHO HELPED GET LOTS OF
FOLKS OUT SAFELY. SOME ARE EVEN CALLING HIM A
HERO. MR. ALAN HITLER.
>> OH, PLEASE DON'T SAY HERO, AND PLEASE DON'T SAY MY LAST
NAME. JUST USE AN INITIAL.
>> WELL, BASED ON YOUR ACTIONS TODAY, THE ONLY THING YOU SHARE
WITH THAT OTHER HITLER IS THE LAST NAME.
>> AND UNFORTUNATELY, SOME DNA. HE'S MY GREAT UNCLE.
BUT EVERYONE'S GOT THAT EMBARRASSING RELATIVE, RIGHT?
>> KIND OF, YEAH, AND THANKS FOR TALKING TO US.
>> RANDALL, I'M SORRY, I DO -- I HATE TO INTERRUPT MR. HITLER
WHO WE ALL ADMIRE SO MUCH, BUT DR. STEEL HAS SOME NEW
INFORMATION. >> MOMENTS AGO A SEARCH TEAM
RESCUED THIS YOUNG BOY WHO CAME TO CHANGE HIS NAME AND
DIDN'T TELL HIS PARENTS BECAUSE HE FELT THEY WOULD BE MAD.
MOM, DAD, REST EASY. HOLDEN TWODICKS IS SAFE.
HE IS A GREAT KID. HE HAS GOT US ALL SMILING DOWN
HERE.
>> WHAT A RELIEF FOR THOSE PARENTS AS I AM SURE THEY LOVE
HOLDEN TWODICKS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD.
I'M HERE WITH TWO MORE FOLKS ABLE TO GET OUT THANKS TO
MR. HITLER. THIS IS JULIA AND I MAY GET
SENSORED HERE AS HER LAST NAME SOUNDS CLOSE TO THE N WORD.
JULIA [ BLEEP ]. I'M HEARING THAT IT WAS
SENSORED. >>
>> IT'S TOO CLOSE TO -- YOU KNOW IT WAS GOING TO BE CLOSE.
>> WHILE IT IS SPELLED THE SAME WAY, IT'S PRONOUNCED LIKE CIGAR.
>> BUT HE SOUNDED LIKE HE SAID THE N WORD WITH A BRITISH
ACCENT. >> SOUND ADVICE FROM MRS. --
>> MORE WITH JULIA N AND DR. DONNA DIDDADOG AFTER THE
BREAK. >> COMING UP, MORE ON THE
SITUATION DOWNTOWN WHERE THE MAYOR IS SCHEDULED TO SPEAK.