[APPLAUSE]
Hi, Colin.
Hi, guys.
Hi.
How's it going, Ellen?
It's going well.
It's so good to see you.
This is your second time here, not nearly enough.
And it is your first time without Michael Che.
Yes, first time going stag without Michael.
Yeah.
And it's fun to see a virtual audience.
Scarlett and I were watching the NBA Finals.
And they had the whole virtual audience at the Finals.
And she was, like, what stops someone
from just exposing themselves from the audience at home?
And I was, like, I think it's just the same thing that
stops someone from doing it in person
at a game, which is society and feeling
like you belong to society.
You know.
[LAUGHTER]
So I think that's kind of it.
And they probably have season ticket-holders
and take away their passes.
But I don't know what you're doing to stop people.
I think this is a great opportunity for your audience
to get in there.
Thanks for giving that idea, putting that out there.
I appreciate it, Colin.
Happy to help.
Do I get a editorial credit now?
We'll see what happens.
I see some people thinking about it right now.
Hey, listen.
So we just showed that clip from Weekend Update
from last Saturday night.
When you and Kate, it always looks like y'all break.
And it looks like-- is that planned or not?
But what was Saturday night?
Was that planned?
It was pretty loose to be honest.
We kind of knew it was going to go somewhere.
And it was not totally clear.
And we kind of figured it out a little as we went.
But it was really--
it was a very fun moment to be out there with-- it's always
fun being out there with Kate.
And I thought this one was especially special and kind
of strange and a little off the rails in a good way.
It was fantastic.
I loved it.
I think everybody loved it.
But every time she is out there, it
does look like it goes off the rails in a good way.
As you know, Michael was on.
I think he was on the show that aired yesterday.
But he talked about you and Scarlett's wedding.
And he plans to make a scene at your wedding.
Do you know that?
Yeah.
I mean, he plans to make a scene at most events.
I would say that's his general approach.
Yeah, that's part of why we've just
been postponing it is we can see him getting ready
for the wedding.
And we're, like, maybe we should wait another day.
What I really want for Che, I want
to ask him to do an objection at the wedding.
A lot of people do speeches.
But I think it would be nice in that moment--
so few people utilize that moment to object.
I think he could do a really great objection.
Well, he told me I'm his plus-one.
So we could both--
I heard that.
Yeah.
So I could actually be with him objecting to both of you.
That'd be so sweet.
Yeah, it's great.
What you want in a really small, COVID wedding
is you want a bunch of extra plus-ones.
Hopefully they're flying in from across the country.
It's a great setup.
So thank you so much.
We're excited to have you.
It's what I do.
It's what I'm known for, ruining things.
So Michael shared a crush he had on this Whole Foods employee.
Her name is Maple.
Did you know that he--
I mean, we actually got this out of him.
We still to this day don't know if he was serious or not.
Do you know about this Maple?
No.
I have to find out about these crushes he has
when I'm watching your show.
I have to wait till he gets on TV to find out about it.
I ask all the time, "what do you think?
Is there a lady in your life?"
And I don't get any of this Maple information
that he's giving you.
Clearly you guys have something special that we don't.
Yes.
Well, he shared a lot with us.
But I don't know if that's true or not.
I hope Maple saw it, if she works at Whole Foods.
He even gave the location in New York.
Yeah, Maple narrows it down.
There's probably only 1 to 2,000 employees at Whole Foods
named Maple.
So it should be great.
[LAUGHTER]
There's a lot of Maples out there, yeah.
How's it going quarantining with Scarlett?
What are y'all doing to keep busy?
We've ordered stuff.
We've ordered a bunch of things from Amazon.
And I've noticed that her packages tend to arrive.
And mine tend to not arrive, with no real explanation.
I even look up the orders.
And the orders just say like, no--
we're not gonna-- that one's not happening.
And I don't really understand.
What are things that you order that aren't showing up?
I am a very big sucker for when there's
banner ads that have clearly been tailored to me.
And even though I see through them,
and I know they're based on algorithms listening to me,
I still fall for it.
And I'm like, yeah, I do need this military survival tool.
What would I do without it?
You know?
Yeah, I should get back into Pogs.
They were huge when I was 10 years old.
Why don't I get back into Pogs?
And then I started getting multiple banner ads
across different sites, like CNN, New York Times--
multiple banner ads for deodorant wipes.
And I was, like, what are you trying to tell me?
It almost feels like Google, the algorithm,
has now become the only honest friend in your life that's
gonna actually cut through and tell you
what none of your other friends will tell you.
I was, like, I guess I got to get these deodorant wipes now.
Wow.
I've never even heard of deodorant wipes.
Me neither, I know.
And yet now I've ordered 200 of them.
Right.
[LAUGHTER]
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel so you
can see more awesome videos, like videos of me getting
scared or saying embarrassing things, like ball-peen hammer--
and also some videos of Ellen and other celebrities,
if you're into that sort of thing.
[SCREAMS]
Oh, [BLEEP]!
God[BLEEP]!