sometimes Psy feels unlovable he feels
like he'll never be lovable because
that's just how it is he has an empty
feeling inside especially when he
doesn't feel loved by the person who he
needs it from the most
do you ever feel this way if you do it's
okay to have those feelings but feelings
aren't facts
in psychologist Dr Amy Marshall wants
you to know no human is inherently
unlovable so you don't have to ever
accept this feeling but this feeling is
valid and very real for you and for many
others and we want to help you
understand why because by understanding
the psychological root cause of why you
feel unlovable you can begin to heal and
experience love
an early defining moment
according to the psychology group Harley
therapy childhood trauma is a leading
cause of adults feeling unlovable in
research in neuroscience and attachment
Theory supports this View therapist
Linda Graham explains that you are born
into this world wired to need connection
all babies need somebody for their
survival but if that need is met with
dismissal indifference or denial that
instinctual need to reach out is
replaced with a feeling of rejection and
confusion making that baby or a young
child disengage and withdraw
essentially you may have learned to fear
wanting or needing someone and if these
experiences happen often enough in your
childhood the emotional meaning Center
in your brain begins to encode a memory
that reaching out and needing connection
equals pain this becomes an unconscious
memory that can distort your perceptions
and make you believe that no one can
love you explains Linda
rejection and abuse
when was the first time you thought you
were unlovable
was it because you told yourself that or
was it because someone else told you
through their words or actions and you
believed them when Zai thinks back he's
confronted with memories of friends
abandoning him teachers believing he
wouldn't amount to anything and mocking
laughter from his first crush so I
learned he wasn't alone when reading a
post from the counseling blog on Tumblr
and that people in abusive relationships
and survivors of trauma can feel
Unworthy of Love psychologist Dr Amy
Marshall explains that abusers might
tell their victims that they don't
deserve better treatment that they're
Unworthy of Love or that no one else
will want them or treat them better
shame
shame can make you feel like you don't
deserve love because of a mistake you've
made and regret but there's also the
shame that can come from something you
didn't do
the feeling that who you are is a burden
for example sometimes the people who
raised us have such high standards that
you feel like you're only lovable if you
perfectly meet these standards all the
time
have your parents ever said something
like
Smith's son just got into Harvard aren't
his parents so lucky it's this type of
language that can make you feel unworthy
explains better help not only that but
if you don't fit within your family's
cultural expectations it can
understandably make you feel inadequate
or if you live with a mental or physical
illness you might feel like a burden to
your family because of the extra support
you need
how to heal
professor of psychology at the State
University of New York says that studies
confirm that love is one of the basic
human needs along with having food
shelter and water no baby born on this
Earth is undeserving of that basic human
need and that includes you you were born
deserving of love and who you are today
deserves love too no matter what you've
been through if you've been taught that
you're Unworthy of love that's just not
true and with the help of therapy and
new loving relationships you can rewire
your brain and those painful memories
will be replaced with new neural
connections of love and acceptance as
therapist Linda Graham says
healing love and acceptance becomes the
response and shame becomes the back
Country Road you don't have to go down
anymore
did you find this video helpful if you
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and if you think this video could help
someone else please do share it with
them we'll see you again real soon and
in the meantime remember we love you