Do you know what the most important thing is when you are negotiating? More important than anything
else? It's power thinking. It's your mindset. And in this video, I'm going to give you some tips
to have that super-powerful, courageous, strong thinking when you walk in to negotiate
with anyone, including that pesky narcissist. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung and I have been recognized
as one of the top 1% of attorneys in the country by a number of different organizations, including
US News and several other outlets. And what I do here is I help you with negotiation skills
with narcissists or difficult people so that you can learn how to deal with them in any situation,
whether it's divorce or business or whatever it is. I've written a couple
of best-selling books Negotiate Like You Matter, and Breaking Free: A Step-By-Step Divorce Guide,
and I've helped millions of people through these videos to step out of those lives of drama,
trauma, and chaos, and into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.
So if you are looking for tips on how to deal with difficult personalities in a negotiation setting,
or any kind of setting, whether you're negotiating with them on a formal level,
or you're negotiating with them, just trying to deal with them, which is kind of an informal
negotiation, then go ahead and subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell and that
way you'll know when I upload new content. So today I want to talk about something that
is really, to me, one of the most important things, in not only dealing with narcissists
or difficult people, but also in anything in life. And that is power thinking. That is
what's going on between your ears and behind your eyes, what's happening in that space. Because
when you go in to negotiate, it's going to be the most important thing. I always say that 80%
of a negotiation is won before you even walk into the room, but 50% of it is your mindset.
It's what are you thinking? In my book Negotiate Like You Matter, I talk about the Matter Method.
I called the book that because all people want to feel seen, heard and know that they matter,
but M stands for My Value is Defined By Me, meaning you and you alone define your value.
And people will think what you tell them to think. That was a lesson that I learned a long time ago
when I was worried about what people were going to think about something,
and somebody said, "People will think what you tell them to think." And I shifted and decided to
move in that direction and people started thinking the way I was kind of putting myself out there.
And so even if you think that the other person is so much more powerful than you are, you can
shift your mindset. Just start thinking, "I am powerful. I am wise. I am courageous. I am ..." So
whatever you're thinking, whatever follows the "I am" in your brain, you're actually placing
an order to the universe. You're actually saying, "Okay, that's what I want to come into my life."
I do work with a lot of people one-on-one and oftentimes I'll hear people say, "I'm never
going to get this. I'm never going to get alimony. I'm never going to get this to work out the way
that I want to. That person is always so much more powerful. That person always gets what they want."
And that's where I want you to stop yourself. And when I'm with people on a one-on-one,
as soon as I hear people say something like that, I stop them and I say, "What are you saying right
now? Because you are placing an order. You're basically saying, 'That's what I want to happen,'
because you're never going to get more than what you expect to get."
So I want you to stop. And I want you to start thinking of yourself
in a powerful way and start thinking, even if it's too much to go, "I am really powerful,"
just start saying things like "I'm starting to feel better.
I'm learning how to do this. I'm learning that there is not anything wrong with me,
that the other person probably has a pathological disorder that causes them to act the way they do.
I'm learning that I can overcome this situation. I'm accumulating the information that I need to
win this situation." And understand that there are so many people that are just like you,
who are in exactly the same position that you are, and sometimes even in a worst position, who knows?
But even if they're in exactly the same footing as you, they have been
there and they have been able to get past it. I had a client one time who just constantly
was losing everything. It just seemed like he could never win. His wife was ganging up on
him with all kinds of other people. They had a false domestic violence injunction against him.
He didn't see his kids for a year and a half. The judge kept ruling against him
in all these different capacities. And it was because we weren't able to show the right evidence
at that moment. It wasn't the right hearing. She would lie. She would say things. She doctored
photos, all kinds of things were happening. And he just felt like, "I just want to give up. I'm
never going to win. This is never going to happen for me. I'm never going to see my kids again."
And every time he would say something like that, I would say, "You need to stop that right now.
You need to change your thinking. Change the way you speak. Start saying, 'I am a winner.
I am going to see justice. I am going to see an equitable result. I know that karma will do
her duty.'" So if you're really feeling down and you're really feeling powerless,
check out my video on self-care to cope with narcissists, because I do have some ideas in
there on how you can start to pivot your brain and how you can start to think more
clearly. Because when you go to negotiate with a narcissist or any toxic difficult personality,
you will need to be thinking clearly. And having that powerful mindset is going to
be one of the first things that you can do. If you are ready to feel powerful, I want you to
put in the comments, "I am powerful." Understand that karma is a real thing. It's all based in
physics. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction, and so it will happen. And
what you attract, what you think, like attracts like. These are all principles of physics. This
doesn't even have to be a spiritual conversation if you don't want it to be. It doesn't have to
be woo-woo if you don't want it to be. It can just be that like attracts like. What you're
thinking in your brain, your thoughts are energy; that's what they are. And when you have a thought,
you are attracting more of that into your life. So whatever that is, if you say,
"I don't want any more of this," the universe doesn't register don'ts. So if you say,
"I don't want everybody ganging up on me. I don't want to smear campaigns," you're going to end up
with more of that. So learn to pivot your brain. Start thinking in terms of positivity. Start
thinking in terms of "I can be strong. I know I'm stronger every day. I feel better every day." Even
if you just start saying thank you; put yourself in a place of gratitude because gratitude will
help you have power thinking as well. Because if you're in gratitude, you're in receiving mode.
You're saying "I am grateful for even being able to breathe." Taking a moment to feel your breath
and meditate for 30 seconds or a minute. Taking that moment to be grateful for something
will also help shift your mind away from the negative because you can't be in gratitude
and also be thinking in the negative at the same time. And then you start to attract more of that
positive into your life. So power thinking is one of the most important things that you can do
in order to prepare yourself for having the outcome that you want. So remember, 80% of a
negotiation is won before you even walk into a room. There's a lot of things that go into it.
But 50% of that 100% is your mindset, so power thinking is going to be so, so critical.
Just remember that whatever you're saying to yourself,
whatever you're thinking, you are placing orders to the universe because you are putting out that
energy and that energy is going to come back to you and you want it to be something that
you want. So just start thinking, start shifting, even if it's small baby steps, even if it's like
the smallest thing that says "I'm good. I know that I am. I know that I am a unique individual.
I am the only person on the planet that is me. I'm the only person who's ever been here that
is exactly me." Even if you have an identical twin, you're not identical. You are unique. You
are meant to be here. You are special. And just start thinking that and just start remembering
that. And that's the way that you start developing that power thinking and that winning mindset.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist or with anybody,
grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet at winmynegotiation.com;
winmynegotiation.com. And come join me in my free private Facebook group as well,
so that you can get the support that you need. And if you like this video, like it, share it
so others can have the content, and drop me that comment, "I am powerful." And also make sure that
you subscribe and hit that notification bell. I'm Rebecca Zung. Thank you so much for stopping by
my channel today. I know that you are powerful and I can't wait to see you in the next video.