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Alexia, can you set an alarm for 7:30 a.m.?
Why?
We both know you are pathetic and lazy and can't get up that early.
Says who? I always wake up on time.
The only times you wake up early is when there's a donut on the table.
Whatever. Just put the alarm. Okay?
How about you do us both a favor and just not wake up at all?
Alexia, my girlfriend cheated on me.
Do you think you could tell me a joke to cheer me up?
Your hairline.
Your bank account.
That beatdown clunker you call a car.
Your lack of a social life.
Your non-existent friends.
Your life in general.
I said, make me feel better, not worse.
So I heard that you got a new job.
Yeah, I'm an engineer now.
Really?
The only thing he engineers are lies.
The man hasn't had a job in six years.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That is your sixth soda can today.
At this rate, you are getting diabetes by tonight.
What do you mean?
You're fat.
How about you mind your business?
I'll mind my business
the day I see you drink water.
Where are they?
Can't see them in here.
Alexia, can you order more pens?
No, I don't want to. Do it yourself, loser.
What are you even good for?
Jeez.
Listen, listen.
I'm just saying, I live by myself.
And, you know, sometimes it gets lonely here.
So why don't you come on over?
Don't listen to him.
This broke boy still lives at home with his mama.
Yo shut up!
She can hear you.
His mama also still cleans his dirty underwear.
No, no, no. Don't.
Don't listen to her.
She doesn't know what she's talking about.
The only person lying is your Tinder profile.
You're not six feet.
We all know you're five foot one.
I'll call you back later.
Hey, Alexia, can you add bacon to the grocery list?
Instead of bacon, you should add some salad to your grocery list.
Have you ever heard of the word vegetables?
A broccoli would do wonders for you.
You should try it out sometime.
Alexia, how far is the nearest Louis Vuitton store?
Why do you care?
It's not like you can afford anything there anyway.
Says who?
You don't know my finances.
Actually, I checked your bank statement and you haven't paid your credit card
in three months.
Man, you do everything but mind your own business.
Let's go!
Nice job.
You are really good at this game.
Wow thank you.
I'm actually ranked top 50 in the world right now.
Maybe if you put that same effort into finding a job, you would finally have one.
Hey, Alexia, what's the weather like today?
Why don't you stop being lazy and check for yourself?
Maybe go outside and touch some grass for once?
You know what?
Imma unplug you.
Wow. This is the most I've ever seen you move.
Hey, yo, Alexia, where's the nearest ride shop?
The only thing you should be riding to is the shower.
I can smell your body odor from here, and I do not even have
a nose.
Alexia, Can you play the song "Work by Rihanna"?
Why do you want to listen to a song you can't relate to?
Not that it's any of your business, but I have been applying to jobs.
If by applying to jobs, you mean sitting around wasting your life
away, then yes.
Alexia, what's the weather going to be like this weekend?
Looks like it will be 70 degrees
with a 100% chance of you staying at home all by yourself.
Mr. No friends.
Alexia, turn off the lights.
Why don't you stop being useless and get up and turn off the lights yourself?
What do you mean?
That's your job.
You're supposed to turn off the lights when I ask.
And you're supposed to pay child support.
But looks like neither one of us is doing what we are supposed to do.
Alexia, I told you already that baby ain't mine.
He has the same stupid nose as you.
He is 100% yours.
Man, whatever.
I'll turn the lights off myself.
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Rude.