Have you been wondering how to have that conversation? How to talk to your child's
teacher about concerns? Let's talk about that today. First off, let's start with
some perspective about teachers. Little insight into the psyche of the teacher
and that's going to help us to approach them.
Number one - "teachers are people too" That should go without saying. right? But
that's going to be really important as I share some tips with you about how to
approach them. They are people, they are human beings with real feelings and with
history and with families and with a background. You may not be aware of what
some of that is. But remember that. As we talk about how we're going to approach
them. Number two - "teachers are in it for the money". Not!
Right? This is a traditional problem that we have in the education system. Teachers
are some of the most underpaid professionals in the whole world. They're
not in it for the money. That might beg the next question. What are they in it
for. And my experience with teachers, overwhelmingly is that they are in it
for the difference that they can make in this world. They're in it for the love
that they have for children and for the education of those children. These people
tend to be passionate about what they're doing and they are not in it for the
money. That's why I wanted to make that point. In fact, they're probably not paid
even close to what they're worth and thank you for those teachers who are
watching this episode. Thank you for your diligent service to our young people. The
third point that I want to make here. Ties right into what we just talked
about. By and large I know that there are
notable exceptions here and there. But probably it's not your teacher so get
that out of your head. Teachers sincerely want to assist your child to
succeed. They sincerely want that. That's what they're working for. Now, with all of
those assumptions in place, it's going to help us to come up with an effective way
to talk to that teacher about a concern that we have. Remembering that first
point that teachers are people. They are human beings with real feelings. Treat
them with respect. Remember what works for you. Start and
open. This is my first tip. Start with appreciation. That's where you open. So
that you're sharing, "you know, I really appreciate what you did with the class
recently as you did that special project. That must have taken a lot of work on
your part" Now, whatever that special project was, isn't important. What I'm
saying is get specific about something that teacher has done for your child.
Express the appreciation for that. You open with gratitude and appreciation.
That's number one. Little point about this real quick. Stay in front of your
but. But spelled B-U-T, okay? Because listen to this, "I really appreciate
everything that you're doing for my child." What's the next word? "But"... No!
People, that destroys the communication. Stay in front of your but. Meaning, when
that but word comes up, just stay in front of that. You don't have to say what
was coming after the but. I know you have a concern. We're going to bring up the
concern, not after we say the word but. When you say but, it means, "forget what I
just said, here's what I really mean" And it tends to bring people's defenses up.
It completely invalidates what you were about to say. So rather than saying but,
stay in front of your but. Express appreciation, lead with that
gratitude and then pause for a moment. I'm a professional speaker and in the
speaking industry, we talk about the power of the pause.Where he had just
chill for a sec, you don't have to keep talking. Pause and let that teacher feel
your appreciation, your gratitude for who they are.
This is strategic too. Okay, now I want it to be genuine.
Don't pretend because they'll see, right through that. It's genuine but it's also
strategic and the strategy part of this is you're going to align with that
teacher. You're going to get on the same page so that we can address the concern
more effectively. Now, after leading with the gratitude and the appreciation, being
authentic about that, staying in front of your but, aligning with that teacher. Now
we can get to the concern and we've created an environment where it's more
likely to be received. Think about it. If you skip the gratitude part and you just
jump right to the concern, what kind of response are you likely to get from that
human teacher? Defensiveness. Okay, they're working their guts out to help these
kids including your kid and if you approach them first with a concern,
they're going to be like. "whoa!" If you approach them with the appreciation and
you acknowledge and respect them as a person, who is committed to serving your
child, that's going to create this warm connection that you can bring up the
concern. Now, when you bring up the concern, describe what you have observed
without blaming and without criticizing. Leave those parts out. It's simply a
behavioral description or an observation of what you've observed. For example, I've
noticed that Johnny comes home upset about math class. Okay,
we're not blaming or criticizing anyone. Or here's another example. You know my
little Lauren came home the other day and she reported that Billy had been
stealing things out of her desk. Okay, so we're not blaming anybody. We're not
criticizing anyone. Especially not the teacher. We're simply observing and
describing as accurately as we can what we have observed. So that would be step
number two. Use a very clear description without blame and without criticism. Now,
let's get into step number three. This is so powerful because we've been working
up to this. What we're doing is creating an alliance with that teacher. So step
three is that we will "invite the teacher to join with us in solving the problem".
Notice we're not going to dish it off on the teacher. We're not going to demand
that they change something. We're not going to dictate how this is going to
happen from now on because we're the parent. We're going to invite that
teacher to collaborate with us on the same team to solve this problem. One
really great way to do this is to ask at this point for their input or their
observations or their ideas about what might help this concern. Here's an
example. "So what have you noticed or what have you observed that you think might
help Johnny with this issue?" And then you pause again. You back off. You listen. Be
sincerely interested in what that wise teacher has to share with you. If you
esteem them as a wise teacher, they're going to feel that and they're going to
step up. This is all about the psychology of interacting with
someone who's already enrolled in the success of your child. They want their
student to succeed as much as you want your child to succeed. So let's team up.
That third step is an important way to collaborate and invite
teacher to join with you. I think we can handle those concerns. Let's see what we
can do to communicate those in a way that's actually friendly toward that
teacher and has us on the same team. Teachers are people too, aren't they?
You might want to share this with your child's teacher or someone else who you
think would benefit. Please share.
I saw standing in the street