Your accent is very sexual.
Is it a mix of things?
Is it Australian-Asian?
Do you know what?
I don't even feel like I have an accent.
I feel like you're the one with the accent.
I'm aware I sound like a talking sewer cap.
I'm aware of that, I just wanted to know where your accent,
what it is.
Malaysian, Singapore.
Singapore is a good place, I like Singapore.
Isn't Singapore like if you throw gum on floor,
they'll beat your ass with bamboo?
They will cane you.
They'll cane you with (bleep) panda food.
How weird is that?
Yeah, that is pretty weird.
But also, if you throw gum on the floor
in any New Yorkers home,
they'll beat the (bleep) out of you as well, so I mean.
Oh yeah, yeah.
In Singapore we do the same thing,
we just outsource the ass-kicking to the government.
Welcome to Stupid Questions with Chris Distefano.
I'm Chris Distefano.
This is Ronny Chieng from the Daily Show,
and he's also got his show
Ronny Chieng: International Student,
coming out on the Comedy Central app August 13th.
August 13th, it's a good day, good day.
Good day.
Good day, that's iced tea.
Aren't you like a huge star in Australia?
I guess I am.
Well here's the first stupid question,
do you think Australia is too far and Jesus hates it?
I think it is too far, and I think Jesus hates it, yes.
Yeah, is that why you think he pushed it all the way.
How does Australia work, again?
It's so far we can't, first of all,
isn't it like 10 years from now there?
Yeah, yeah.
It's not the same time.
Not the same time frame at all,
right there Kennedy is still president.
Yeah.
I gotta tell you 'bout that ending,
it comes to brutal, tell your people.
Well they don't know yet, so don't tell Australia.
Yeah, it's a shocker.
What's your favorite state capital?
State capital?
State capital.
Or for you, you know, 'cause International Student,
I'll allow this just for today,
what's your favorite international capital?
I'm a big capital guy, Chrisy capitals.
Is Honolulu a capital?
That is the capital of Hawaii.
Yeah. You ever been out there?
I've been out there twice, love it, love Hawaii.
It's like what would happen if Asian people were in charge.
There you go, you picked the most Asian capital.
Other than Asia, obviously.
Yeah.
Hawaii's awesome, great weather.
As soon as you land it smells like flowers.
Right.
Everyone's polite, there's beaches.
Yeah.
Food is great.
I'm a big Pierre, South Dakota, guy.
Have you been to Pierre?
I've never been, no.
I've really never been outside New Jersey.
This question is really dumb, just answer.
Do you watch porn anymore?
I never stopped, really.
Right, never stopped.
It's a continuous thing that I'm, you know,
in between this I'm probably going to go watch some porn.
I've been going thoughts lately, just all thoughts.
Oh, just memory?
Well not even memory,
sometimes I just kind of get in a zone
where my mind is blank, and then I just jizz.
Oh, right. Yeah.
Yeah, that's one way to do it.
It's a type of meditating.
That's very zen, that's a zen orgasm.
I started the transcendental meditation.
Yeah.
And then I notice I'm getting in this,
you know, I'm 10, 15 minutes in, I have a full boner.
And then next thing you know I need a napkin.
I don't know what it is.
No, that's not transcendental meditation.
That's not?
That's something else.
That's glory holes?
I don't think enlightenment ends with an orgasm.
But how great would it be?
It should though.
Alright, here's a dumb question.
Tell me about your underwear.
Thank you for asking.
Yes, what do you got on right now?
Dude, I've gone through several
iterations of this process.
Okay.
First of all, good underwear, so important.
Absolutely.
Underrated.
Yes.
Shitty underwear ruins your life.
Absolutely.
And people don't even know they have shitty underwear
because they're so used to wearing shitty underwear
they think that's normal!
Right.
That pain isn't normal. Right.
You shouldn't feel pain. Right.
One time I thought I had testicular cancer,
but it was just I was wearing the wrong underwear.
Yeah!
That's all it was, they were nut huggers.
Now, my whole thing, long underwear.
Wow, old school?
I'm talking almost to your knees, almost to your knees.
Wow, like a 1920 bathing suit.
Yeah, that's exactly it.
Holy crap.
Because guess what?
When you get that long underwear, it never rides up.
Yeah, and I've seen, you're hung too.
I'm all the way,
I'm hung and my underwear is long all the way down.
I'm wearing underwear to my ankles.
Alright Ron, did you have a good time?
Mm-hmm.
You really did?
Yeah, sure.
Appreciate it, man.
I want to give you a gift.
Stupid questions, you get a stupid gift.
That's very thoughtful of you, thank you so much.
So you're a guy,
you sell socks on your website ronnychieng.com.
Yup.
So I wanted to give you socks
with my face and name on it backwards
because I didn't realize
that when you send it to the sock company,
they reverse the image.
So it's my face, but it's my name is backwards.
These are something.
Absolutely, yeah.
And I got my face right there.
Also did you get these in size 12, what is this?
Yeah.
And then you got your socks with your face on it, right?
[Ronny] Yeah.
Why don't you show us your socks and that flexibility?
Thank God I got master flexibility.
[Chris] Could you?
No don't, you might hurt yourself.
I should send you some of my socks.
That's why I kind of did it, if I'm being honest with you,
I didn't do it for you, I did it kind of cross for me.
So I'd appreciate some socks.
[Ronny] No problem, man.
Now put that leg down.
Feel free to put those socks
on your little baby Asian feet whenever you want.