WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY, AND WE'RE STILL
TALKING ABOUT IT TODAY, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT
YESTERDAY'S CLOSED DOOR MEETING BETWEEN SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE
PAUL RYAN AND SPEAKER OF THE MOUTH DONALD TRUMP.
EVERYBODY.
ALL THE REPUBLICANS ARE SAYING IT WENT GREAT.
BUT BRING THE REPUBLICAN PARTY TOGETHER IS GOING TO BE A SLOW
PROCESS BECAUSE PAUL RYAN STRESSED THAT "IT'S VERY
IMPORTANT WE DON'T FAKE UNIIFYING."
OKAY, YEAH.
PAUL RYAN DOESN'T WANT TO FAKE IT AND TRUMP IS HAVING TROUBLE
FINDING THE G.O.P. SPOT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I HEAR IT'S A MYTH.
I HEAR-- >> Jon: HEY, HEY!
>> Stephen: I HEAR THE G.O.P.
SPOT IS A MYTH.
( LAUGHTER ) BESIDES, PEOPLE CAN SMELL FAKE
UNITY A MILE AWAY, WHETHER IT'S THE REUNITED GUNS N' ROSES OR
POST-CIVIL-WAR AMERICA.
IT DOESN'T-- WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING IN THE NEWS?
WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING.
OH, RIGHT, DONALD TRUMP.
ACCORDING TO THE "WASHINGTON POST," BACK IN THE EARLY 90s HE
WOULD CALL NEWS ORGANIZATIONS PRETENDING TO BE HIS OWN
PUBLICIST TO BRAG ABOUT HIMSELF, HE HID BEHIND A FAKE NAME.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THERE WAS A TIME WHEN DONALD TRUMP
WAS ASHAMED TO SAY HOW TREMENDOUS HE IS.
THE "WASHINGTON POST" SAYS THEY HAVE RECORDINGS OF MULTIPLE
CALLS FROM "PUBLIC RELATIONS MEN WHO SOUND PRECISELY LIKE TRUMP
HIMSELF GOING BY THE NAME OF JOHN MILLER AND SOMETIMES JOHN
BARON.
WHO SAID THINGS ABOUT TRUMP LIKE "HE'S DOING
"HE'S DOING TREMENDOUSLY WELL FINANCIALLY."
"MADONNA WANTS TO GO OUT WITH HIM.
CARLA BRUNI IS LEAVING MICK JAGGER TO DATE HIM.
ON TOP OF THOSE TWO, HE'S GOT THREE OTHER GIRLFRIENDS.
AND THAT DOESN'T EVEN COUNT THE SECRET GIRLFRIENDS HE'S GOT IN
CANADA."
AND IN THE 90s, TRUMP ADMITTED UNDER OATH HE WAS JOHN MILLER,
AND THE WHOLE THING WAS A "JOKE GONE AWRY."
SO A LOT LIKE HIS PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: HE ALWAYS TELLING HIS
STORY, MAN.
>> Stephen: BUT THIS MORNING ON "THE TODAY SHOW," TRUMP SAID
SAID THIS.
>> ARE YOU AWARE OF THE TAPE?
IS IT YOU?
>> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
YOU'RE TELLING ME ABOUT IT FOR THE FIRST TIME.
IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ME AT ALL.
>> Stephen: WOW, I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT GUY ON THE PHONE WAS,
BUT HE DOES ONE HELL OF A JOHN MILLER IMPRESSION.
CLEARLY DONALD TRUMP ACTED AS HIS OWN PUBLICIST UNDER A
PRETEND NAME, WHICH IS ODD, BUT NO ODDER THAN ANYTHING ELSE HE'S
EVER DONE.
AND I JUST DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY REASON FOR HIM TO DENY--
(PHONE RINGS) SORRY, I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE SHUT
THIS OFF.
HOLD ON, I HAVE TO TAKE THIS.
HELLO.
>> HELLO, STEPHEN?
THIS IS DONALD TRUMP'S NEW P.R.
SPOKESMAN, JOHN ALD, UH...
MELANIA-WITZ.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, MELANIA-WITZ?
>> I MEAN, BARRON McJOHNINGTON.
ANYWAY, LISTEN HERE, DUMMY.
I WAS WATCHING YOUR SHOW, AND I DON'T LIKE THE LIES YOU'RE
TELLING ABOUT DONALD TRUMP, WHO IS MY INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL BOSS
AND DEFINITELY A DIFFERENT GUY THAN ME.
LAUGH >> Stephen: WAIT, YOU'RE SAYING
THAT BACK IN THE 1990s DONALD TRUMP DID NOT PRETEND TO BE HIS
OWN PUBLICIST?
>> OF COURSE NOT.
HE DIDN'T HAVE TIME BACK THEN.
HE WAS TOO BUSY BANGING MADONNA, AND JESSICA RABBIT.
>> Stephen: LOOK, MR. McJOHNINGTON, JESSICA RABBIT WAS
ANIMATED.
>> SHE SURE WAS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
WE HAD LOONY TUNE SEX.
I MEAN, DONALD TRUMP DID.
>> Stephen: COME ON, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY DONALD TRUMP.
>> I WISH I WAS.
THE MAN IS A GOD, AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE OF CHARISMA AND SEXUAL
ENERGY.
SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD HAVE SEX WITH HIM MYSELF.
>> Stephen: LOOK, MR. MCJOHNINGTON--
>> WHO'S THAT?
>> Stephen: IT'S YOU.
>> NOT ANYMORE.
HE GOT FIRED.
I'M HIS NEW PUBLICIST, MILL-JOHN IVANKA-TOWER.
>> Stephen: LOOK, MR. TRUMP-- >> MR. TRUMP IS NOT AVAILABLE.
HE'S MAKING LOVE TO TAYLOR SWIFT ON A BOAT MADE OF STEAKS.
THE BEST.
GOT TO GO!