-Hello!
Hi, guys. Um, have you seen any movies?
[ Laughter ]
Any movies?
Any of them? Have you guys seen any movies?
-Yeah! -Yeah? Which ones?
-"Aquaman." -"Aquaman."
-Okay. Okay.
I'm looking for a specific movie.
[ Laughter ]
-"Bohemian Rhapsody."
-Mm, I'm looking for "Mama Mia" two.
Has anyone seen it?
[ Cheers and applause ] Oh! Good!
I'm so -- The women, good.
It's a wonderful film. I'll get to the jokes in a second.
I just want to make sure everybody sees this movie.
It's a great film.
If you don't know the premise, basically
they take all the ABBA songs that didn't quite fit into "Mama Mia" one,
and they sweep them up into a little dustpan
and blow them [blows] onto a Greek island,
and they really make Greece look like it's doing all right.
It's wonderful.
Cher is in it. She's so good.
I mean, how great is Cher, you know?
She's so great.
She's in a lot of group scenes, but they're all single shots,
so it's possible they let her shoot it from home.
Yeah. I guess I should say kind of close to the top,
I do have a very specific voice.
A lot of people say it sounds like I'm about to cry.
But I just want to let you know, I'm not about to cry.
I'm actually about to laugh.
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
It's nice you guys are all out here.
Are you guys night people?
[ Audience cheering ] Got some night people.
You can always tell the night people
'cause they're like, "What are we doing after this?"
It's like, can you imagine?
Sounds so terrible -- the reward for going here
is you get to go home.
And I thought I was maybe a morning person
'cause of how much I hate the night,
but then I got a job,
and it turns out I'm not supposed to wake up.
And I was kind of bummed, 'cause I was like,
"Maybe I don't have a time," you know?
But I recently found my time.
I am the "hour before lunch" person.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, thank you. Thanks.
Maybe you guys are, as well.
Yeah. That's when I'm really excited,
I'm really curious, you know,
because lunch can be anything.
You know? Like, Tariq,
can I ask you what you had for lunch today?
-Yeah. Onions.
-What is that? What?
[ Laughter ]
-Onions -- it's a -- I guess it's a vegetable.
-Lunch can be anything.
You know?
I get so excited about the possibilities,
but you know I'm always gonna get soup.
[ Laughter ]
And soup sucks.
It's either too hot or it's just wet.
[ Laughter ]
You take the first bite of soup, you better like it
'cause that's all the rest of the bites.
You know? If you get a different bite,
something's messed up with the soup.
That joke was for the soup haters.
This next one's much more universal.
Here we go. You know this situation, you know what I'm talking about.
You know what I'm saying, you know what I'm talking about.
You know -- you -- You're at home.
Everybody knows it. You know what I'm talking about?
You're at home. You know what I mean?
And you're sitting down. You know what I'm talking about?
When you're sitting down and you're at home? You know what I mean?
And you're opening your Russian nesting dolls?
You know what I mean?
And they're getting smaller and smaller?
You know what I'm saying?
And you ever get to the tinniest one
and you think, "Hey, this should be edible"?
[ Laughter ]
Just a little crunchy something, no big deal.
You go to your friend's house, you're like, "Did you eat yours?"
"Yes. You?"
"Yeah, yeah."
I have a problem with online shopping.
And I worry that my online shopping habits
will, like, kind of start going into real-store behavior,
like I'll just start breaking into stores at 1:00 A.M.,
putting nine things in a cart, and leaving.
[ Laughter ]
But I really like online shopping
'cause the reviews, I think they're really helpful,
and they're also pretty indicative
of the political climate.
You know?
Like, I was on the L.L. Bean website recently,
and you know L.L. Bean is where coats go to church.
And I was reading this scathing review
this woman left about a coat.
It was horrible. She was like,
"The wind sneaks up the back.
The zipper never works.
And the material is loud.
One star."
And I can't help but wonder if she had written the same review
when Obama was President.
It would have just been like,
"Coat's not great, but it gives me hope for a better coat."
All right, that's my time. Thank you very much. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That is...
Yeah!
...Jo Firestone!
For more, go to jofirestone.com.