What to do about conflict? 5 golden rules for engaging with conflict constructively.
Conflict is an integral part of our interactions: at home, at the workplace, anywhere –
conflict happens all the time. Not all conflict is bad – some of it just is.
What about the annoying conflict that eats away energy?
Is there a way to engage with conflict constructively and use that energy for positive change?
These 5 golden rules provide some guidance on what to do about conflict.
Step 1: Do not run away: Give conflict space to breathe.
Conflict exists when something is out of sync, whether it is a disagreement, or a perceived
or real incompatibility towards accomplishing a goal.
Conflict exists when at least someone considers there to be conflict.
Giving conflict space to breathe acknowledges the experience of conflict.
Recognizing that there is a “problem” allows those in conflict to be heard.
This can be enough to move conflict away from being destructive – so do not run away.
Step 2: Keep moving: Conflict takes on a reality of its own.
Conflict keeps moving – so keep up! Conflict means different things to different people
at different times, and it takes on a reality of its own.
Keep up with the why and how, the important and less essential, and delve into the uniqueness
of each conflict. Conflict is all about knowing the details without getting caught up in them.
Step 3: Step back: Take a moment before moving forward.
When faced with conflict – take a moment to step back. Focus on understanding the conflict,
the people, and the system before jumping into action.
This might seem time consuming. However, it will result in more informed decisions and
next steps that are best suited to fit the challenge. Stepping back before moving forward
becomes an investment in sustainable resolution.
Step 4: Hold your ground: Focus on what is important.
Once conflict escalates, it often means being trapped in an escalating cycle of action and reaction.
Break through a conflict spiral by shifting the energy and focusing on what
is important.
Focus not only on the outcome of the conflict; but on what is important to you as a person,
to who you are and what you stand for. Stand by your values and set boundaries, acknowledging
yourself and others. Hold your ground.
Step 5: Celebrate success: Acknowledge what has been accomplished.
The idea of celebrating success in conflict might seem silly. Generally, people do not
like to talk about conflict, so why celebrate conflict when you managed to make it go away?
Because a huge part of dealing with conflict constructively is about the process, about
accepting the realities of conflict, and that conflict brings about change:
Every. Single. Time.
Celebrating success means acknowledging what has been accomplished, to learn and grow by
experience. This leaves you strengthened for the next time conflict strikes – and empowered
by knowing that you know what to do about conflict.