-Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome
to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. You made it. [ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you for watching at home.
Let's get to some news.
Well, guys, today, President Biden
visited a farm in Illinois, where he announced
new steps to fight rising food costs and inflation.
You know your presidency is in rough shape
when your staff is like,
"It's time to drive you to a farm upstate."
Yeah, the entire time, Biden was walking around the farm going,
"Seriously, if I don't have enough crap to deal with.
Actually, I have more crap I have to deal with."
Yeah, when Biden first arrived,
a Secret Service agent was like,
"Older McDonald is on the farm.
E-I-E-I-O."
But this was strange.
At one point, Biden actually walked into a cornfield
and slowly disappeared.
"If you build back better, votes will come."
Well, everyone's talking about this.
Yesterday, the pilot on a flight from the Bahamas to Florida
had a medical emergency, and a passenger with no idea
how to fly successfully landed the plane at the airport.
[ Cheers and applause ] It's amazing.
-Wow!
-You could tell the guy didn't know how to fly
'cause the plane actually arrived on time.
And as if this story wasn't crazy enough,
listen to the name of the air traffic controller
who talked the passenger through the whole thing.
-With us now, the air traffic controller
who helped that passenger land the plane safely.
Captain Morgan, it is amazing to have you here.
-"You're going to help me --
you're going to help me land this thing?
Who is this?" "It's Captain Morgan."
"Oh, my gosh! Call my wife!"
Captain Morgan.
Then, when they got on the runway,
the ground crew was led by Jack Daniels.
"Thank you, Jack Daniels."
Some entertainment news.
A bill was just introduced in Congress
to make ads on streaming services quieter.
[ Cheers and applause ] You like that?
[ Laughs ]
Judging by this commercial I saw today,
I think it's already working.
Take a look at this one.
[ Birds chirping softly ]
-[ Whispering ] Four Loko -- blackout in can.
-Yeah, it's interesting.
"Blackout in a can." Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah.
-Quiet. -Yeah.
Well, guys, yesterday in New York City,
protestors gathered around a Starbucks
to demand that the company stop charging extra for vegan milk.
Yeah. And I thought some of the signs
at the protests were pretty good.
Yeah, this one here said...
You go...
And then I saw this one.
-Oh. -A good sign.
-Wow!
-Well, guys, this is going viral.
In Washington, state troopers pulled over a U-Haul truck
because it had an S.U.V. Hanging out of the back of it.
Take a look at this thing.
I like that, like, the one bungee cord over the back,
like that's -- Can we take a look at that?
Yeah. I think that's known as a highway turducken.
That's how expensive gas is right now.
Even cars are carpooling. You know what I'm saying?
Well, guys, listen to this.
I heard South Korea's new president
wants to change the way age is counted there,
which means, overnight,
52 million South Koreans could officially become
one or two years younger.
-Whoa! That's wild.
-Yeah, I mean, imagine just getting
years younger just like that?
-Yeah, that'd be crazy.
-Yeah, too bad it's not possible.
Moving on. Finally, did you guys see this?
An oceanfront house in North Carolina
was listed on Zillow for $381,000,
when a storm came through yesterday,
and here's what happened.
Yeah. Yeah.
Now it's oceanfront, oceanback, and oceanside.
We have a great show.
Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen.
-♪ My mind design a finer rhyme that's right on time ♪
♪ I'm a step beyond and not behind the line ♪
♪ I separate thought from divine ♪
♪ Better take it as a caution or a warning sign ♪
♪ Antonyms, words I'm sending 'em ♪
♪ Homonyms, synonyms good like M&M'S ♪
♪ And my man Questlove starts slicin' ♪
♪ I turn a mic's last name to Tyson, yo ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-What a show we have for you tonight.
I'm so excited.
Her band, Florence + the Machine,
have a new album called "Dance Fever" right now,
which out this Friday.
Florence Welch is here. -Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ] -Whoo!
We are talking to her,
and then she's performing later in the show.
And he co-produced the new documentary
"Jazz Fest: A New Orleans Story."
Jimmy Buffett is here tonight. -Yeah!
-And then Florence + the Machine tonight.
What a show. Come on.
What a show.
Guys, do you ever see a photo in the news and think,
"That headline should be different"?
Well, we'll take care of that right now.
It's time for "News & Improved." Here we go.
[ Cheering and applause ]
♪ "News & Improved" ♪
-First example here. Check out this first photo.
The original headline was...
The headline can definitely be improved,
because if you only looked at the photo,
the headline could've been...
It's like... -"Oh! What?!"
-Up next, this headline says...
Yeah. The headline could've been better. It could've been...
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Hi."
Next headline was...
[ Laughter ] Headline could have been...
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ As Sanders ] J...
...Q... [ Laughter ]
The next headline was...
[ Laughter ] Headline could've have been...
[ Laughter and applause ]
-"Whoa!"
-Next headline was...
Headline could've been...
[ Laughter and applause ]
Next headline is...
Headline could've been...
[ Laughter and applause ]
And, finally, this headline was...
[ Laughter ] The headline could've been..
That's all the time we have for "News & Improved."