Unfortunately, it's coming up a lot. And parents are wondering,
"What to do when your teen wants to drop out of school?
I've got five specific strategies for you. But before we get to that I have to share
this with you. One of our subscribers sent me this actual letter that they got from their teenager.
Check it out. Dear mom and dad. You know what? Anytime a letter starts with that it's like,
"Okay, what's happening? Right? Check this out. For this year I have not done my school work like
I was supposed to. This is because I feel like I don't need any of the stuff they teach us.
And dad told me... He's throwing dad under the bus... Dad told me that none of the things we
learned will ever be implied in the real world and that is only to expand our mental knowledge. With
creative spelling. So, setting it up, right? Can you hear what's coming parents? Let's go to the
next part. So, I want to drop out of school. Okay. And right there is where most parents are gonna
have a little bit of heartburn. But stick with me. He really works it here. So, I want to drop out of
school and see how far I get in life. And by doing this I will take responsibility for cleaning the
house. Okay, now we're bargaining here. This is kind of fun. Parentheses, as you always ask of us.
I'm guessing that it's not been happening the way mom wants it to. But we're throwing that
out there as a bargaining chip. And if you want me to get a job instead then I'll do it. This
is what I want and I don't care what people think of me because it is my life and my choice. Okay,
actually true by the way. Your teens will tell you this from time to time,
"Hey, it's my life. I get to run my life, it's my choice." Yeah, it's true. Don't argue with them
about that. It's actually true. Let's finish the letter and I'll get to those strategies. I wrote
this instead of telling you because I don't want it to turn into a full-on speech because I know
that you might hate me for my decision. Although I suck at spelling, I feel that I want this.
There's just a lot of things that I really love about this letter. First of all, good thinking
by the way. If you're the one who wrote this letter and you're seeing it right now on YouTube.
Nice strategy. Send them a letter instead of having a full-on confrontation. Actually,
pretty good thinking. And I like some of the things that I'm seeing here. Let's get to
the strategies. Okay, so if you're the parent that gets this letter or one like it or your
your teenager is telling you, "Hey, I want to drop out of school. It's no use anyway,
yada yada..." I have to share with you a concept that one of my friends wrote about.
This is Woody Woodward, he wrote a book called Millionaire Dropouts.
And I share this sometimes with kids. Because when they come to my office and this issue
comes up I usually pull Woody's book off of the shelf and I say, "Dropping out of school? Okay,
totally legitimate option." And then I go through some of the people who are highlighted in here...
like Harry Houdini and Rosa Parks and Andrew Lloyd Webber and Harlan Sanders, the founder of Kentucky
Fried Chicken. There's some pretty famous people in here who actually dropped out of school. So,
can your child be successful if they drop out of school? Well, yeah, maybe. There's a lot of people
who have. Keep that in mind as we go through these strategies. Strategy number one. Don't panic.
Panicking is the worst thing that you could possibly do. It puts your own body into fight or
flight mode. Fight or flight mode. What's going to help this situation more? If you fight your
teenager or if you run away? Or you don't like your options. Right, let's not panic. I've got
other videos here on the channel that helps you to manage your own panic, anxiety and anger. You need
to be in charge of your own emotional mechanism here because that's going to be essential to the
other strategies. Strategy number two, listen to understand. Look, you got two ears and one mouth.
Let's use them in that proportion and this is the time to listen. There's a lot of strategic
reasons why you want to listen first. Psychologically, it changes the dynamic
in a way that empowers you in this conversation. It's not always going to feel like that.
Because when your kid drops something like this on you, when the bomb goes off and it's like,
"Oh my kid wants to drop out of school." That's why I told you not to panic because you need
to keep a clear enough mind that you can simply shift into this next strategy which is to listen
to understand. Just turn on your ears and listen. This also invites them to do the thinking. And
really the solutions to this problem are going to be found in the thinking of your teen. You've
already got a lot of solutions, they need to come up with the right ones because they're actually
right. What this kid said in the letter, "Hey I'm in charge of my life." Yeah, they kind of are.
All right, here's the third strategy. Now, this has to happen after you've done number 2,
you have to listen to understand and at the end of that you reflect back to them your understanding
of what they're saying. Not with any parental spin on it. Because you're going to be tempted to say,
"Okay, so you just want to..." No, no. Give it to them in the way that they'll recognize it is what
they actually shared with you. "Okay, so you're seeing that there's not a lot of utility to going
to school right now. It's probably not going to be that useful to you anyway and you're willing to do
a lot of work to make up for that. Is that what you're saying?" All right, be sincere about it,
give it back to them, and then you go to the third strategy which is you ask permission
to share your opinion. Here's the thing, your kids already know your opinion.
Chances are you've shared it with them already. Don't cram it down their throat, ask permission
after you've satisfied them that you listened to their position and that you understand it then you
can say, "Well, I've got a few ideas about that. If you'd like to hear them, I'd be happy to share.
Okay, now this is strategic as well. When I use this phrase with teenagers
sometimes the response is, "Well, you're going to tell me anyway."
"Oh no, no. I don't... I don't want to intrude. I don't want to insert my opinion here where it's
not wanted. If you want to hear it I'm happy to share. And it drives them nuts, they have to hear
it. They're like, "Okay, fine tell me." Even though they kind of already know your opinion
but you ask permission. That's important. Now, we're at a point where you've taken some time
to listen... Remember, you're controlling your emotional response so you don't panic,
you've taken time to listen, you've asked permission to share your opinion and if they
don't give you permission you don't share it. Can you do that? Then we move into the next phase.
You still have opinions about this and you still have some responsibility for them
as a parent. So, here's how i'm wording this particular strategy, "Adjust the compensation
as appropriate." All right, the reason I said it that way is because you're already providing them
with far more than they can afford. Really, if they were on their own could they live in the kind
of luxury that you're providing to them? No. In another video, I shared that there are 5 freebies,
okay? You don't get to mess with the freebies, they get to have for free from you love, air,
water food and shelter. Those are the 5 freebies. Everything else is extra compensation and can be
used to persuade them to choose something that you feel would be in their best interest. Now,
you might think, "Hey, I think it's in my child's best interest to stay in school not to drop out."
That's just your opinion. But you've earned it over several decades of life experience, right?
So, if you really feel strongly about that you can adjust the compensation and simply
tie some of what you're providing to them to their choice as to whether they stay in school or not.
it's that simple. It becomes an economic transaction. And don't get all emotionally
tied up in this. It's simply. "Hey, I'd be happy to provide this to you if you would be willing
to continue going to school." Pretty much that simple. Now, this particular letter that I
shared with you, I think that this teenager is going to be open to something like that because
they're already offering to do more housework, right? And some other things to kind of make up
the deficit for dropping out of school. You get to do that on your end as a parent as well.
There's a reason why I saved this last strategy for the end. And it is simply to remember your
job as a parent. You're going to feel really distracted when you get the letter
that I read to you, that your job is to make sure that they don't drop out, make sure that
they complete their schooling, make sure that they don't fail, make sure that they... make sure that
they... make sure that they... This is where we get trapped as parents. And it's always a trap
because you really stink at that job anyway. Can you make sure that they? No. It frustrates
you and makes them mad. What's your job as a parent? To love them no matter what and even if
Frankly, this is just one of the even ifs. Even if they drop out of school or threaten to... Yeah,
you remember your job. They're going to figure out through their own experiences
what's best for them. And you only have a few years of influence left anyway if
they're teenager. Remember your job to love them no matter what and even if.
You'll love them even if they drop out of school. That's going to help your mental health as well.
Here's a little insider tip, I've mentioned Live On Purpose Central, this is a place where you
can get the resources you need as a parent and I'm going to give you a shortcut to get it for
one dollar. For a week you can try this for a dollar when you go to liveonpurposecentral.com
go.liveonpurposecentral.com. And if you go up to the top... is if you're going to close the browser
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