There’s a lot of bad relationship advice going around, so our best advice is…don’t
believe everything you hear! Although an unbiased, third-person perspective can help clear some
things up when it comes to your dating life, it can just as often steer us in the wrong
direction.
The problem with outside advice is they don’t know your relationship, or yourself, better
than you do. We’re not suggesting you shun any advice that comes your way – we’re
just saying the next time you hear these common relationship tips, consider how much it actually
applies to you.
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Now, here are 19 pieces of bad relationship advice you should probably never follow.
1. “Lower your standards”: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with knowing the type of qualities
you are looking for in a person. You should always be searching for someone who embodies
those qualities. We all deserve the best, and should never settle for anything less!
2. “You need to change him/her”: It’s important to recognize you can’t change
your partner’s entire character to fit your expectations, either. If you’re trying to
change everything about your partner it’s the relationship that isn’t working, not
them.
3. “Never Go To Bed Angry”: Common advice suggests you shouldn’t go to sleep until
all issues have been resolved with your partner. However, Doctor and psychologist Nicole Martinez
says there’s actually nothing wrong with it; sleeping on it can help you both discuss
the argument with a clear head in the morning.
4. “The fun doesn’t last”: The person you choose to share your life with should
make your life better. Although the excitement from the beginning of the relationship will
fade, Psych Central states that fun is part of a healthy, happy relationship.
5. “Opposites attract”: Researchers from the University of California disproved this
myth and suggested we do, in fact, find ourselves drawn to people who are similar to ourselves.
It doesn’t mean one way is better than the other, but don’t waste your time on someone
you have nothing in common with.
6. “Arguing is unhealthy”: Arguing is actually good for your relationship if the
two of you are doing it right. Clinical psychologist Rachel Needle says in her website that arguing
is normal, and disagreements should encourage conversation where both partners feel safe.
7. “Love is enough”: The idea that when you’ve met the right person it’s all smooth
sailing is far from the truth. Like any success in life, it requires effort and hard work.
8. “Give him/her the silent treatment”: Whether you are purposely leaving the person
hanging through text or you’re upset and not talking to your partner, the silent treatment
is never a good idea. Communication is the key to a successful relationship. If you need
to cool off before you feel ready to have a calm and respectful conversation, then you
certainly should. But it’s important that you express your vulnerable side and not just
your angry one.
If you think some of the relationship advice so far is bad, you gotta keep watching for
some even more ridiculous relationship advice that you should absolutely never follow.
9. “Learn to be irresistible”: People, and especially women, have been given this
advice for most of their lives. You’ll see it on the cover of most beauty magazines.
Turning up the heat in a relationship is never a bad idea, but trying to become someone you’re
not will almost always fail. Relationship psychotherapist Ken Page says that irresistibility
is a terrible goal to strive for because it is impossible to attain and you won’t have
fun trying.
10. “Be strong but not too strong”: This next point is also typically directed at women.
Women are told that strong female figures are people to look up to, yet in the same
breath are also required to be sexy, feminine, soft, and vulnerable. The way this translates,
and especially in heterosexual relationships, is that you’re meant to embody one trait
or the other so as to not threaten traditional gender roles. The healthy way, however, is
to inhabit how you feel at any given moment or scenario in a genuine way: whether that’s
anger or fear.
11. “Get married because ‘it’s time'”: It’s 2018, but people still feel a rush
of anxiety when they hit a certain age and they haven’t found “the one” yet. It’s
understandable, couples are tying the knot left, right, and center. You’ve got the
post-grad wave, the late 20s wave, the mid-thirties wave, but none of that means that you should
rush to marry if you’re not ready. Follow your own intuition and life path and if that
means staying single until you’re 45 or forever, it’s better than getting married
to the wrong person because you were taking cues from everyone else around you.
12. “Relationships should be easy”: This is one of the biggest lies you’ll ever be
told and it’s a pretty bad one, too. Think about it, when did you ever have or accomplish
anything great without hard work? It’s up to you to determine how much effort a relationship
deserves. Dr. Jude Black of E-TherapyCafe.com says that the strength of a relationship is
usually measurable by the time and the effort that has been invested into it.
13. “Jealousy means they love you”: Is jealousy a sign of love? According to Susie
and Otto Collin from RelationshipGold.com, that’s not true. Instead they say that it
probably means that there is some sort of self esteem issue going on with your partner.
14. “No one will love you like they do”: This is absolutely not true! If anyone ever
tells you this, you really need to think hard about the role they play in your life. Jenise
Harmon of PsychCentral.com says, “This is a phrase that is often used to keep an individual
in an abusive relationship. Don’t allow this bad advice to keep you stuck in a harmful
relationship.”
15. Be the boss: An article in HumanExplore.com explains that this is the kind of attitude
you should pass on, and instead states that, “In a healthy relationship, each partner
has a field where he or she shines and logically they take the lead in those situations.”
A strong and loving relationship is one where there is mutual support and understanding.
16. “Love comes when you least expect it”: This is just a sappy rom-com one-liner you
should ignore. Relationship expert Adam LaDolce wrote an article in which he argues that this
is bad advice because “it takes the ownership off of you to go out there and find it.”
17. “Don’t make a small problem bigger”: According to an article on TruthInsideYou.org,
bottling up your emotions is just about the worst thing you can do because the little
things add up to a big thing and it’ll be much more difficult to solve a problem of
that scale. They explain that by not communicating, you are not sacrificing yourself for the sake
of the relationship, you’re just building a ticking time bomb that will go off in the
future.
18. “We are supposed to meet each other’s needs”: According to marriage and family
therapist Hal Runkel, this is the most horrible piece of advice imaginable. He says it’s
because it means that you are a needy person, and you need your significant other to express
his or her neediness to you.
19. “Cyber-snooping can save you from the wrong partner”: Dating coach Emyli Lovz
advises that if someone gives you this advice, first examine that person’s relationship
before following in their footsteps. She told Business Insider, “If you cannot trust your
partner, then you’ve already chosen the wrong one. The bigger question is why you
are attracted to a person whom you do not trust. Put simply, snooping destroys trust,
which is the foundation of a healthy relationship.”
What are some of the worst pieces of bad relationship advice you’ve gotten before? Let us know
in the comments section below!
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