Hey, there it's clay with modern love life. And in this video, we're going to be talking about
three warning signs that your ex is not getting back together with. If you, this can be a really
difficult place for a lot of people to be, you know, many times people want to know,
is there hope in my situation? Should I just give up all that sort of stuff? And, you know, look,
you can make your own decision. Obviously I'm not here to live your life for you. I hope you want
to live your own life, but these are some things to think about when it comes to the relationship
that you have. And if it's something that is worth pursuing suing for you. So the first warning sign,
your ex is not getting back together with you, is that the emotional connection
between the two of you is getting worse? Um, you know, in many videos we've talked about
the importance of connecting emotionally. We've talked about how it's the most important thing,
more important than, you know, who's texting first more important than rebound relationships, more
important than the distance, more important than, than all the other things that maybe you might
feel compelled to focus on or other people are telling you to focus on. Literally the emotional
connection is the most important thing when it comes to inspiring someone to want to be in a
relationship with you. If the emotional connection is not there, then it pretty much doesn't matter
what else you do, because it nobody's going to want to be in a relationship with you. If the
connection isn't there, unless there's a good, solid, emotional connection in place. And they
truly believe that their life is going to be better with you rather than without you.
So that's why we spend so much time at talking about the emotional connection between you and
your ex, because it literally is the most important thing at play in the dynamic. And
in terms of determining whether or not the two of you are actually going to get back together or not
now, um, in terms of this emotional connection, obviously we want to see progress happen, you
know, okay. The emotional connection is getting deeper. It's getting stronger. The two of you are
connecting more when maybe you weren't connecting at all, or you were connecting less, all that
sort of stuff. If there's progress unfolding, then that's great. That that just shows, okay,
something's working. And the two of you are getting closer and things are getting better.
If there, there is no progress. And that says, okay, we've hit a stagnation point somewhere. It
might make sense to look at what's going on, maybe change our strategy or something like that.
But if the emotional connection is getting worse than clearly something thing isn't working here,
okay, something isn't working and, you know, we might touch on some possibilities on what that
might be, uh, later on in this video, but, uh, something isn't working and it makes sense to at
least pause and reflect about what could be going on, you know, maybe consider doing no contact or
something like that. We have a whole no contact series right up there if need be correct course.
But if you're doing all of that and the connection between you and your ex is getting worse
and worse and worse and worse than just know that the reason, the likelihood that they have
of saying, yes, let's get into a relationship is probably diminishing as well too. Now, again,
we've talked about the emotional connection, emotional connection is not necessarily,
you know, having a great time. It's not laughing, it's not playing, it's not, uh,
flirting and all of that stuff. It can be that, but it's about really, can we get emotionally
real with one another? If we're getting more and more emotionally real, then you're connecting
more. If you're getting more and more honest, more and more vulnerable, more and more transparent,
more and more curious, more and more, whatever it might be, then you're definitely
connecting more on that emotional level. And that can take again, lots of different flavors. It can
be the two of you laughing and reminiscing over old times. It can be the two of you crying about
misunderstandings, about regrets, about the past or whatever, but the truth is as long as it
is allowing the two of you to come closer together and, um, to, to get more and more
real and more and more honest with one another, that is an improved, emotional connection.
The second thing that could be a warning sign that you and your ex aren't getting back together is if
you are out of alignment with who you want to be in a relationship, what do I mean with that? So,
you know, we often think that when we're in a great relationship, we're going to be able to feel
calm, relaxed, peaceful, accepted, you know, many of these other things.
Um, but so many of us don't feel that way right now, we feel insecure. We feel anxious. We feel
like we're walking on eggshells. We feel like we need to overanalyze everything
that's happening. And if that's what's going on, there's a fundamental disconnect between
the person that you are now and the person that you aspire to be in a relationship.
And just remember that how you're bringing yourself to the interactions right now, you know,
anxious, insecure, afraid, all that stuff is going to be what you're basically trying to enroll your
partner into being in a relationship with. And if they don't want to be in a relationship
with someone who's anxious, afraid, insecure over an overly analytical, um, you know, keeping score,
all that sort of stuff, then there's going to be, um, you know, some issues there because
you're going to be bringing yourself to your, to the relationship in that way. You're going
to naturally be repelling someone who's ready to have a relationship with someone who's
calm and grounded, loving, accepting of themselves, accepting of others and all of that.
So we want to start by bringing ourselves into alignment with who we hope to be as the result
of being in a great relationship. Now, I know that there's this belief that we have to get the
relationship first before we're worthy of feeling loved excepted. Hetty's peaceful, grounded,
et cetera, but it's actually the opposite way. If you start by embodying peace, groundedness, love,
acceptance, and all those sorts of things, you're naturally going to get the fruits
of that way of being, which is, you know, a great relationship where you are going to feel loved,
uh, for, for who you are and accepted for who you are and all that great sort of stuff.
So we want to work on our way of being first and foremost,
and that brings us to the third component of this, which is that if your ex is out of alignment with
the relationship that you want, or if they're out of alignment with the partner that you hope to be
in a relationship with. Okay, so what do I mean by this? Okay. So, you know, your ex sure. Maybe they
have a lot of great, wonderful qualities about them, but if, for example, you know, you want to
be in a peaceful relationship with someone who loves you. Exactly who, how exactly as you are,
if I can get my words out straight here, um, and is, is totally accepting and supportive
of you and is willing to take your side and is willing to see things from your point of view,
et cetera. But you say, okay, there's someone with severe narcissistic personality disorder.
Let me try to get them to, to fit this image of what I want an ideal partner to be.
That is really, you know, an exercise in futility and frustration,
because no matter how hard you try to make them into something that they're not, they're still
just going to be whoever they're going to be. Can people change? Yes. Do people change all the time,
but are they necessarily going to change on your timeline? No, not really. Uh, if they
even change at all. So it's unfair for you to ask someone to be something other than who they are
in order to be in a great relationship with you, if you can't accept them as they are, then, um,
it's just going to spell trouble for any sort of future relationship that you may have with them.
So it's also important to get real about how you are perceiving your partner.
Are you betting on potential or are you betting on what is actually there between
the two of you? And of course, as you bring yourself to the relationship in different ways
that is going to affect how they respond and how they meet you, you know, if you bring yourself to
a relationship in a way where you're very angry or very critical of them, you know,
yeah. They might pull away and they might distance themselves a lot. But if you bring yourself to a
relationship in a way that's very, um, you know, empathetic and calm and, uh, loving and accepting,
then that can change the way that someone brings themselves to you. However, there's also the other
factor, which is what their true nature is as well too, which is why we have this third component,
which is, are they in alignment with what you want or out of alignment with what you want?
And that's not to say there's anything wrong with them. If they're out of alignment with what you
want, it's just, it just means that they're just not the right partner for you to have a great
relationship with, even if the two of you do get together, then that would be surprising. But it's,
it's, it's probably just going to end up in a lot of frustration and futility and ended a breakup
further on down the road anyway. So, um, you know, these are some warning signs to look out for that
you could be in for a rough time ahead. Um, if you do want to get some help with all of this, uh, in
terms of bringing yourself to the relationship in the best possible way, and, uh, learning how
to qualify and read, uh, your ex or any other person to see if they do have the capacity for
being the right partner for you, then you might be a good fit for our coaching program.
It's called commit and it is application only. So if that is something you're interested in, please
go to modern love.life/quiz and fill out that application form there. And what's going to happen
is, um, you know, if at first pass it seems like you might be a good fit. Um, you can go ahead and
schedule a time to talk to Shantelle from our team and she'll get, get a chance to know you
and get a chance to talk to you. And if it makes sense, then she'll schedule a time for you and me
to talk. And I can tell you more about it. We'll take things from there. If not, then, you know,
you might get recommended some other resources or things like that that might help you along
the way. But anyway, it's over@modernlove.life slash quiz. You can also find a link down below
in the description box. Anyway, uh, with that being said, thanks so much, please take care and
hit that like button for the YouTube algorithm. Thanks so much. And I'll talk to you next time.