It’s a genre plagued with dumb characters and even dumber choices.
Folks have been screaming out in protest against suicidal moves for decades.
Don’t go into the basement!
Stay away from the unknown lifeform!
Stick together goddamnit!
But if you dig down a little deeper and consider the situations most horror victims are in,
you’ll understand how hard it must be to make life-and-death decisions in the face
of adversity.
Most horror deaths involve average people in not-so-average circumstances.
So when someone makes a genius move, it’s really impressive!
It sticks with you!
The kind of stuff that happens all of the time in action movies can absolutely floor
an audience when pulled out in horror.
It’s big brain time.
Hello horror heads, and welcome back to the scariest channel on YouTube: Top5ScaryVideos.
I’m your horror host, Keegan Hughes, and today we’re going to be taking a look at
the Top 5 Smartest Decisions Made in Horror Movies.
Get your meme templates ready.
Before we start, make sure to give this video a big thumbs up, and subscribe for more snarky
scenes.
Perfect, let’s begin.
NUMBER FIVE: THE GREAT ESCAPE - REVENGE Being left for dead is never fun, especially
when there’s a tree branch through your flesh.
Maybe accepting a helicopter ride into the middle of nowhere with the man you’re in
an adulterous relationship with isn’t the smartest idea, but the poor decisions Jen
makes end there.
Revenge is exactly what the title implies: a horror movie about taking revenge.
It starts out with a very good reason to do so: the protagonist Jen is raped, pushed off
a cliff, and abandoned.
Her anger is righteous, and her kills are deserved.
Being a socialite, you wouldn’t think that this woman’s survival skills are on point,
but she proves to be quite the fighter.
Waking up after being impaled on a tree branch, she comes up with a bright idea to get down.
Fishing the lighter out of her pocket, she sets the dry desert tree ablaze.
This weakens the wood, allowing her to break free and escape; although the branch is still
stuck.
After stealing supplies from her first revenge target, she hides in a cave and performs emergency
surgery.
Using the peyote she so surreptitiously hid to numb the pain, she removes the tree branch
and cauterizes her wound with a beer can.
After this resourceful escape and quick fix, it’s all killing from here.
But to make it to the retribution act, Jen had to be smart, and she had to be quick about
it.
This is the kind of big brain play all sorts of unfortunate horror victims wish they could
pull off, and she did it with aplomb.
NUMBER FOUR: THE BLOOD TEST - THE THING Now, in the end it’s hard to outsmart a
terrifying alien being that can take over any one of the people at an icy outpost.
There are many theories about all the different parts in this movie where The Thing may or
may not be.
But R.J. MacReady knew what was up, and did his best to employ some tactics to keep the
uninfected alive.
His superb grey matter is what got him to the very end, after all.
Granted the Blood Test itself was a smart idea not thought through to the very end,
but it’s a great example of the rational though employed by Kurt Russel’s character.
Early on in the movie, it becomes apparent that The Thing isn’t a big fan of heat.
It thrives in the Antarctic chill, and runs for cover when the flamethrower is introduced.
Following a threatening display of dynamite and a failed defibrillation attempt, MacReady
is ready to figure out who is who.
Thus begins the famous blood test scene.
After realizing that each instance of the Thing is likely its own life form, he comes
up with a plan.
Tying test subjects to chairs in the meantime, MacReady tests each person’s blood with
a piece of heated wire.
Seeing as The Thing hates heat, and every part has its own survival instinct, burning
infected blood should elicit a reaction.
And it does! Palmer’s blood jumps away from the heat,
prompting Palmer to transform.
This is where the planning could have gone a little better; being tied to chairs means
that the uninfected have a real tough time getting away from this newly-revealed threat.
Still, though!
This technique drew out the creature and allowed MacReady to burn it alive.
Honourable mention to MacReady and Blair sharing some liquor at the end, after realizing the
pointlessness of continuing to fight.
Sometimes the smartest thing to do is admit when nothing else can be done.
NUMBER THREE: MOVING OUT - SINISTER The worst part about this excellent decision
is that it backfires!
Nobody in Ellison’s position could have known that moving away from the danger would
actually cause more destruction than sticking around.
After moving in and seeing a whole bunch of spooky stuff, this disaster-stricken dad decides
to dump and run.
Move the whole family out of there before someone gets possessed.
It seems like this happens way less than it should.
In all sorts of haunted house and possession movies, families move in, see demonic stuff,
ask for help, stick around longer, help doesn’t work, and then it’s too late!
Like, if you smell a gas leak, you vacate the premises!
Why doesn’t this apply to the average joe who finds a phantom or two?
Again, it’s unfortunate that it doesn’t work out for the rational-brained family.
Because of this, others are probably less likely to take the logical option.
Bughuul is a couple of steps ahead, the lunatic.
I guess the best option is to avoid moving into places where crimes recently took place,
but hey!
If the price is good, people will overlook a whole lot of other stuff.
NUMBER TWO: DOUBLE TAP - SCREAM 2 While this phrase was largely popularized
in the smash-hit horror-comedy Zombieland, it was skillfully employed on a non-zombie
combatant in Scream 2!
A lot of horror protagonists make the mistake of assuming the villain is dead and leaving
the body.
NO!
THAT IS HOW YOU BECOME A DEAD BODY!
Returning for round 2 after the events of the first movie, Sidney Prescott is well-versed
in the serial killer Ghostface’s MO.
Earlier on, she even witnesses him get knocked unconscious.
While this might seem like a big win, he soon revives and kills her pal Hallie.
Never take a downed villain for granted!
They will take full advantage!
Later on, during the climax of the flick, the new Ghostface is revealed to be Mickey,
Sidney’s boyfriend's best friend.
Three degrees of separation and all that jazz.
However, the true villain is Mrs. Loomis, the mother of the OG Ghostface.
She’s been pulling the strings, and managed to convince Mickey to go through with his
murders.
As all of these characters scuffle, Mickey is shot, the reporter Gale is shot, and finally
Mrs. Loomis is shot.
One would assume that all of these folks are dead, but remember: this is a horror movie.
First, Gale is revealed to be alive.
Thank goodness.
Then, Mickey rises from the dead once more to cause chaos.
He is promptly gunned down.
Good call.
Finally, taking no chances after everything that happened, Sidney shoots the corpse of
Mrs. Loomis in the dome.
Double tap.
It’ll save your bacon.
NUMBER ONE: COTTON - GET OUT I know we were just talking about Scream,
but this isn’t in reference to Mr. Weary.
We’re talking about the plant-based material often used to stuff furniture and make clothing,
and how it was ingeniously used by Chris.
Throughout the movie, he knows something isn’t quite right.
His girlfriend’s family makes odd remarks, their housekeepers act strangely, and the
big old annual party is full of weirdos.
Plus there’s that whole forced hypnotherapy deal that puts him into the Sunken Place where
he can experience consciousness but nothing else.
Yeah that’s pretty strange too.
So when all is revealed, Chris has to act fast.
Of course, he’s been trying to come up with ways to get out for most of the movie, but
now it’s life-or-death.
Strapped to a chair, he’s already been put under by the sound of a tinkling teacup twice.
So when they try to employ it again, he’s ready.
The Armitage’s undoing?
Their choice of luxurious leather chair.
If they put Chris on a wooden chair, everything would have gone to plan.
Thanks to the seat’s cotton stuffing, though, he survives.
And through a remarkable on-theme play on words, too.
By quite literally picking cotton, Chris manages to stuff his ears and avoid the hypnosis trigger.
A clever move by a man very aware of the kind of people who are holding him prisoner.
Follow this move up with goring a man with some buck antlers and making a daring escape,
and you can see why this is considered such a smart decision.
Get out, indeed.
OUTRO Do you feel your IQ rising?
Your rage responses to bad decisions simmering down?
It’s refreshing to give some hapless heroes a round of applause every once in a while,
especially in the horror genre.
If we picked any other genre to obsess over, this problem wouldn’t be so prevalent.
Oh well, worth it.
What did you think of the list?
Do you agree with my galaxy brain selections?
What is the smartest thing you’ve ever seen in a horror movie?
How about the dumbest?
Make sure you let me know down in the comments!
Speaking of comments, let’s take a look at some of your more crimped and featherd
ones from the TOP 5 SCARY SCP MONSTERS THAT BREACHED CONTAINMENT:
Cryxxtals says “Flame boi, alien, tall octopus, metallic water, and grey gator.”
I’m diggin the layperson’s laconic explanations!
St-Dan in a nutshell says “Watching this close to midnight, perfect way to end a stressful
day off helping folk.
Feet up.
Top 5 Scary.”
Keep up the good work!
We’re rooting for the helpers here as we script at top speed.
Borach McTeague says “I don’t remember the SCP number, but my favourite is the Reluctant
Dimensional Traveller.
You have to feel sorry for somebody who’s forced to eat so much pudding that they never
want to touch it again!”
Ah, 507.
One of my favourites as well.
The poor guy made it to the perfect dimension and experienced bliss, only to be pulled back
into ours.
Imagine carrying that around with you.
K.A.
Haugen says “SCP 457?
LIKE IN Fahrenheit 457?”
There’s a joke in there about being six degrees off, and something about burning paper.
It’ll come to me eventually.
Babbleplay says “Make a habitat for 2662 atop a mountain in the arctic.
Not impossible to get to, but much harder for random cultist wackos to get at him.”
I dunno, something tells me they’d make their way to the top of any mountain.
And then he’d be stuck with a bunch of weirdos in subzero temperatures at high altitudes.
And that’s all the time we have for today!
Before I enter the ring with Butch Coolidge, make sure to give this video a big thumbs
up, and subscribe for more precise people.
Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time.