As a new era of Nintendo consoles begins,
prepare yourself to rediscover one of gaming's best loved series all over again
Because this time
they really knocked it out of the park.
Which is good, because at least you'll get some value out of your Switch before it breaks in 2 days.
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Discover a Zelda game unlike any you played before,
as Nintendo takes one of its most formulaic franchises,
and throws out half of the formula.
Tossing out linear gameplay,
most of the dungeons,
and the traditional 7 hour tutorial
in favor of a massive open world
that treats you like you might have played a video game before in your life
and this time
Link
can
jump
like a half inch.
Baby steps, guys.
Emerge from your 100 years spa treatment,
grab your magical Android phone,
and step into a brave new world
featuring the same old Zelda story you know and are indifferent to
where Link travels around Hyrule
collecting new powers to defeat Ganon and
save the princess.
But the last time he tried
he got his ass kicked so hard
he had to sleep it off for a century.
A fact everyone has no problem reminding you of.
Don't worry Hyrule
this time, I got this!
Aww f*** me!
Well, third time's the charm I guess.
Uncover the legitimately massive landmass
that is Breath of the Wild:
a traditional Zelda overworld
blown up a 100 times into an enormous continent
where you'll get lost for hours
on your way from one objective
to the next
as you explore ancient ruins,
solve devious shrine puzzles,
Skyrim your way up towering mountains,
then handglide off them like you're playing Just Cause.
Complete innumerable side quests,
climb the map revealing towers
required by open world law.
Set things on fire for fun.
Collect everything you can get
your grubby little paws on.
And pick up every single rock in Hyrule
just in case there's a Korok seed underneath it.
until you finally wander into a story thingie
and remember there's a kingdom that you're supposed to be saving or something.
Calamity what now?
Shh, be quiet!
I'm tryin' to ride this deer!
Get ready for Zelda to hand you your butt
like it hasn't since the NES era.
as Breath of the Wild finally takes off
the training wheels and provides
an actual challenge.
with tons of punishing systems,
and brutal foes that will
one-shot you without a second thought,
forcing you to use your cooking skills
to prepare for fights like you're
playing the Witcher
and hoard weapons like you
work for the knife channel
as Nintendo realizes now that Zelda is 30 years old
that some of its fans might have grown up
just a little bit
and finally gives a Zelda for adults.
So suck up the price tag
and go in on the Switch
because you definitely don't want a Wii U at this point
and experience of the best Zelda games ever created,
which very well might be a masterpiece
unless it gets real bad at the end or something?
Cause to be honest,
we haven't beaten it yet either.
Hey, anyone else try to cook a fairy?
Oh come on, you know you did it
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