Are you wondering if you should stay in your relationship or if it’s time to move on?
What are the signs you should be looking for or the questions you should be asking yourself?
Keep watching because I’ve got you covered.
Hello and welcome! My name is Heather. I'm a Registered Professional Counsellor and a
Certified Life Coach and I help people get through breakups that are keeping them stuck
from living their fullest lives. If you’re watching this video, you’re
probably having some doubts about your current relationship. Today I’m going to talk about
5 signs that might indicate that your relationship is over and how to know if it’s time to
break up. Make sure to subscribe and hit the bell button if you want more tips around relationships
and breakups. Let’s get started!
1. You’ve lost sight of who you are Have you stopped seeing your friends as often?
Have you stopped some of the hobbies you were interested in before you started your relationship?
You don’t feel like yourself. If you’re not sure if this applies to you, notice how
you feel with other people when your partner isn’t around. Do you find yourself happier
or more like who you used to be before your relationship? When we lose sight of who we
are in a relationship, when we lose our identity, we tend to feel empty and only take on the
identity of being the girlfriend or the boyfriend. This can also lead to co-dependency of the
partner because we lose the ability to stand on our own 2 feet and we forget who we are
as a whole person.
2. Your communication is mostly miscommunication Do you and your partner fail to understand
each other? Are you constantly arguing? Fighting over nothing. Do your arguments escalate quickly?
If you're unable to solve conflict in a functional way or unable to understand each other’s
perspective, this is not a good sign. Watch how you argue. Do you find ways to put each
other down in the arguments? Do you end the argument with nothing being resolved or fixed?
According to Gottman’s theory the escalation of negative affect in what they coined as
“The 4 horseman of the apocalypse '' also known as 1. Criticism 2. Defensiveness 3.
Contempt 4. Stonewalling. These negative affects in relationship conflict can predict the success
of one’s relationship and the likelihood of the couple staying together. It’s normal
for couples to have conflict, but it needs to be constructive conflict. Think back to
the most recent disagreement you had with your partner and try objectively to remember
what happened and how it ended. Did your partner shut down and stop talking or leave the room?
Were you attacking them instead of focusing on the main points? How you deal with conflict
and how often you deal with miscommunication is an indicator of something that is not working
in your relationship that needs to be addressed and improved on. This can be done through
a licensed or registered couples counsellor.
3. You don’t know where the relationship is heading
Is it unclear of what your future together looks like? Have you had this conversation
with your partner? Maybe you don’t see a future with them at all. Be honest with yourself
and how you feel about this person. If they’re just here to keep you company and to help
you kill time before you actually find the right person, ask yourself, is this really
the best way to spend your time or spend their time? I completely understand that some people
get comfortable in their relationship even though it’s only so-so or because they’d
rather be in a relationship than be single. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with being
single and it’s better to be single and happy then in a relationship and miserable.
4. You don’t enjoy each other’s company How do you feel when you see your partner
after some time apart? Do you feel happy or excited, or are those feelings you had at
the beginning of the relationship and now you feel dread or that spending time with
them is an obligation or chore. Do you feel annoyed by everything they do? Do you notice
if you or your partner have been cancelling your plans to hang out or to meet? Pay attention
to how you feel when you’re with them. If you are no longer feeling happy or excited,
ask yourself “what changed?” One of the strong foundations of a relationship is friendship,
it’s really difficult to have a long lasting relationship if it was just about hooking
up in the beginning.
5. There’s no shared relationship goals or values
Similar to #3, do you have an idea of where you both want the relationship to head? Have
you had conversations around marriage, career, or kids? Do you have shared values or interests
when it comes to life goals, religion, politics, finanices, and family? These are hard conversations
to have and it’s not to say that you need to be exactly the same as your partner or
share all of the same views. These are the most common ones where couples would experience
conflict and it can cause a huge strain in the relationship and so these topics should
be addressed at some point in the relationship. It takes respect and the willingness to understand
where the other person is coming from but also a clear reflection of what it is you
want and what your values are and your non-negotiables and see where you and your partner line up.
If you don’t have many shared relationship goals or values, it’s going to be challenging
to have a healthy, happy and sustainable future.
It’s not easy to think about whether or not you should end a relationship and I know
it can be really comforting to have a partner, but if you’re watching this video, chances
are you already have some doubts and you’re looking for answers. If you’ve decided that
you want to breakup with your partner but you don’t know how to, check out my other
video on how to breakup with someone the right way.
What is the biggest take away from this video? Let me know in the comments below!
Next week, I’m going to talk about what we can learn from our breakup, whether it's
a recent breakup or have been broken up for a while. This video will walk you through
reflective questions to help you learn the important lessons from your past relationships
so make sure you subscribe and hit the bell to be notified of the next video.
If you want to learn more about how to heal from your breakups make sure to check out
my previous videos, otherwise, I look forward to seeing you in the next one.
Until then, be kind and love yourself.