When a child is born,
we look at its size, its obvious incapabilities
and its lack of experience.
And what we think is that it is our job
to teach that child what's best for it
that it's our job to ensure the progression of that child
to mold it into what we think is best for it to become.
In essence,
we think that it's our job to lead them.
We think this because we've forgotten the actual way
that the universe is trying to achieve progression.
We've lost track of the concept of what expansion means
for ourselves and our children.
Let me remind you today.
A Child's Purpose
So here's my demonstration.
I want you to think of yourself...
OK, here is you, right?
I'll just draw you as a stick figure.
Now, you are a part of what we call a soul family.
Now,
a family, any kind of family
is kind of like...
If source itself was the ocean, OK?
This is the ocean of source.
It's everythingness.
It's all consciousness.
A "family", within source consciousness,
even just like your family line,
would be one stream of consciousness within that ocean of source.
It could be like a current within the ocean.
Now, we all know that the East Australian current
is a current within the ocean.
When you ask if it's the ocean, yes, it is.
But you can also say it's a...
You can narrow it down to saying it's a current.
So when we are talking about a family's consciousness,
we are talking about one of these currents within the ocean.
And you come down
as a third dimensional physical extension
of that consciousness,
of that particular stream, right?
Now, what's happening as you're going about your life
is you keep adding to desire.
That's what your life does for you.
So you experience something that you don't like very much
and that causes you to want something.
Now, you, in your life,
you have a lot of resistance to what you want,
a lot of contradictory vibrations, right?
But source itself doesn't.
And the expansion of source consciousness
and the expansion of your own family line here
is happening as a result
of what is desired within your consciousness.
And it is happening instantly,
cause there's no contradictory thought
within that family consciousness.
Now, you, right now,
are the furthest most progression
of the consciousness of the family line.
Now, here's where it gets interesting.
Let's say, in your day to day life,
you experience things that are unwanted
and it causes you to desire something.
Those desires are actually added to the vibration
of your, the consciousness,
not just of source, but of your family line.
They basically become that.
So let's say that you are in the 1960s movement.
This is my mother, right?
You are in the 1960s movement,
and what you want is empowerment for women.
So here is one of those desires, empowerment for women,
and the consciousness of your own soul family,
which is part of source, takes on that empowerment.
But, let's say in your day to day life,
even though that desire is now calling you forward
into the progressive space,
you can't go in that direction easily
because you've got a lot of thoughts from your 1950s upbringing
that make it so that you can't fully line up with that.
Maybe you go into a resistant state,
so instead of embracing empowerment,
you're just resisting disempowerment.
Same thing, right?
Either way, you can't line up with it
in your waking life.
What will happen is that your progeny,
that means your son or daughter,
is going to come down to this life
already as the manifestation
of that expanded consciousness,
the expanded consciousness
that you, yourself could not line up with.
So, that's why for so many of the 60s kids
who wanted so much freedom,
a lot of them got indigo children and crystal children
who are basically the progressive form of humankind.
They are basically everything the 60s were trying to be about.
So then what happens is
this is the way it was designed within source consciousness,
it was designed for your child
to be the one that is calling you towards him or her.
So it's the child actually leading the expansion,
leading the progression
and leading the enlightenment path of the parent.
Because the child is in fact the embodiment
of the progression of the consciousness of the parent.
Now, obviously the child doesn't do this
in comfortable ways sometimes.
It does this by reflecting the things
that you're suppressing in yourself.
To understand more about the way
that desires lead the expansion and progression
within our universal consciousness,
I suggest that you watch my video titled:
Happiness is The Purpose of Your Life! Want to Know Why?
As your parents lived their life,
they gave rise to desire some of them they knew about,
for example, perhaps they always wanted to be an artist,
but they were forced by their parents
to do something more practical.
Some desires, however, they forgot about.
The process of socialization teaches us
that some things are acceptable, and some things are not.
The things that are seen as not acceptable
become suppressed, denied, disowned, rejected
and eventually become a part of the subconscious.
Now, a basic soul desire within all of us
is to become whole again.
In a more straightforward way,
down deep, the desire is to reintegrate with parts of us
that we learned were unacceptable,
and to experience them being loved and wanted,
and being a part of us.
For example, let's say that a woman is born into a family
where anger is not okay at all.
She'll suppress, deny, reject and disown this aspect of herself.
Now, chances are because within her being,
it's a desire to become whole again,
and part of her is angry, right?
It hasn't gone anywhere.
It's not like she could eradicate it from her being.
It's part of her.
So what happens?
She rejected, denied and disowned that aspect.
And so the universe will be so kind and gentle
as to mirror that to her
by bringing her a child who exhibits anger.
Now you might be asking
how the hell would that be beneficial to anybody to own anger again.
What if all of her boundaries
are contained within her angry self?
Obviously this person is a walking breathing living doormat.
She can't assert any of her needs and wants
or say no.
Obviously her life is painful because of it.
Now, this child will come in
as the embodiment of her boundaries.
This child will be able to say "no".
And how does she react to that?
The same way that she reacted to boundaries within herself.
By rejecting, denying, disowning and basically disapproving of them.
But when she does that towards the child,
the child will then exihibit the anger
that is on top of those boundaries.
The child is just reflecting her.
She doesn't see it at all.
She sees herself as the doormat to the child now.
This is because she's basically refusing
to go with the flow of expansion
and realizing that those boudaries
are in fact what she is rejecting within herself.
Her child will in fact be born as the embodiment
of her desires for herself.
If she cannot line up with her desires in her life,
they will come through her child.
The child is being born as the expanded form of consciousness
within the family line,
is born as the single biggest thing that is calling the parent
to their own expansion and awakening.
If in the previous scenario,
a child comes with an angry disposition
is an offering for the woman to re-own her anger
and re-own her boundaries.
By doing this, it is obvious how her life will improve
and if she starts to re-own her own sense of boundaries
and allow the child to have boundaries as well
because she doesn't reject boundaries in the child,
guess what happens to the parent-child relationship?
It improves.
If we do not recognize
and re-own these aspects of ourselves
that our children are mirroring
so as to call us into expansion,
we will take an alternative approach
and that is to crush those things within them.
Thus the parent-child conflict begins.
We inflict the same wound on our own children
that our parents inflicted on us.
So let me explain on a vibrational level,
what’s happening in this dynamic
on planet earth with parenting today.
There is a vibrational difference
between where the child is vibrating
and where the parent is vibrating.
The child is in fact vibrating
at the expanded form of consciousness.
And the parent doesn't recognize this.
So instead of the parent coming
to close that vibrational distance this way towards the child,
the parent is trying to drag the child back
to the vibrational set point where they now reside.
By doing so, we are denying our own process of expansion
and also the worlds.
The parent and child relationship
was always meant to be
a partnership in expansion and awakening.
We cannot do this
if we take an attitude of superiority towards our children
and do not realize that they being incarnated
with the essence of our desires and thus expansion
are our biggest opportunity to expand
and become fully conscious.
Parenting cannot be hierarchical for this to occur.
The parenting process is something that must happen hand in hand.
We must let them lead us into the expanded place.
And our parenting of them must be designed in a way
where by parenting them
we are in fact parenting ourselves
into the expanded place that they are calling us to.
For example, let's say that when you were young,
your subconscious desire
was for your parents to be fully present with you
and really there with you when they were there with you
all of their attention and focus is on you.
Now, you didn't get this.
You couldn't get that out of them.
You couldn't call them forth into being able to be present.
So you crushed it.
They crushed it in you first.
But then you decided to crush it inside yourself
on a subconscious level as well.
So you became a doer.
Now a doer isn't really in a state of presence.
They’re just constantly in activity.
Chances are you are going to have children
who are perfectly good at being present.
That’s the expansion, right?
They can be fully with you, totally engaged.
And that's what they want from you.
However, because you've already crushed
that aspect of yourself,
likelihood is you're going to be a doer
who doesn't focus enough attention on them,
who can't give them presence and who doesn't understand
why they're so upset at you that you can't.
There will start to be friction in the relationship
because they want this presence from you
and you will fight with them about how busy you are
instead of realizing that this is your opportunity
to become what you always wanted
and to get what you actually always wanted from your parents.
If you become conscious of this,
you could practice parenting them with presence
being completely engaged with them when you’re with them.
And by doing this,
you would not only line up with your own desire
but you would be enabling that expansion
of your own consciousness
and the consciousness of your family line
that is embodied within them.
Our conflicts with our children
are always an opportunity to recognize an area
where they are trying to call us into a space of our own expansion
which is a place where we can in fact
best meet their needs and parent them
and teach them how to carve out their own life here in society.
And when we do that, the conflict with our children goes away.
We have to begin with the premise
that our children do not belong to us.
They belong with us, but not to us.
They come in with their own unique essence
which just so happens to be an expanded version of us.
And with that essence embedded within them,
it is our job essentially to enable them
to find and express that essence.
It is not our job to decide what that essence is.
What we fail to do as parents
is to tune into the unique essence of a child
and what a child needs.
Now, one of the best things that you can see
within parenting relationships with children
who literally can't alter their behavior
to fit in with the needs of the society, say autistic children
is that it literally forces a parent,
because they can't alter the child to match their vibration,
it forces the parent to tune into the needs and desires
and special essence of their child
so as to best parent them in a specific way.
But we as parents who don't have that type of child
need to do this without being forced.
It needs to be a choice.
We need to listen and see and feel them with all of ourselves
so as to make the right decision for them specifically.
We don't see how doing this is actually the best thing for us,
but it is.
You basically need to separate yourself
from who your child is.
If you don't do this,
what you're doing is cutting off
your own capacity to see their essence
and what's much more damaging
you’re cutting them off
from actually accessing their essence.
They are already in touch with who they are and what they want.
Our job is to help and actualize this.
And the only way for us to do this is to realize
they are the embodiment of our own expansion.
The only way to parent them so as to help them actualize
their innate essence and desires and purpose
is to line up with our own desires both conscious and subconscious.
To do this, we must consider that we hold beliefs, values,
thoughts, assumptions and motivations
that we have never questioned or examined.
We inherited them and pass them on
regardless of whether they are the chains that imprison us
or the keys that set us free.
I want to offer an idea that every interaction with your child
is an opportunity to examine these beliefs, thoughts,
assumptions, motivations and values
so as to become more conscious
and give to our children keys instead of chains.
One key tool to use here
is to consider how could this be a chain
whenever you're doing something
or imposing some value or belief or whatever on your child.
Here's another way of putting this.
Every interaction you have with your child
is an opportunity to either
enable or boost their essence,
or crush and diminsh it.
And in doing so,
every interaction with your child is an opportunity to either
stand with and on the side of your own expansion
or to close yourself down to your own expansion.
Let me give you a practical example of what I mean:
Let’s say that your child is so excited
because he found a frog or snake or something.
And it's really dirty.
So, that kid runs in with mud everywhere
and is so excited
and is in open state to show you what he found.
You’re at a crossroads in that moment as a parent.
You can choose according to your beliefs,
according to your values, according to those types of things.
But I hope you question them.
Because if a child approaches you
with that attitude of being so excited
to share something with you,
you can decide at that moment
that it’s more important to bolster their self esteem
and to say “Wow that's incredible”
and also increase your connection with them
by responding to that bid in a positive way.
Or you can crush that child’s openness
in that moment
and teach them that a clean floor is more important.
You might see in that moment
that keeping a house clean may be a lesson for another day
because if you get upset at them for getting the house muddy,
you will shut down the excitement and openness and connection to you.
The parenting process
is nothing more than a accumulation of moments
that are opportunities for us to be present
and conscious like that.
That is the only way we will parent them
the way that causes them
to become self-actualized adults who are happy.
When we take this approach to parenting,
even discipline will take on a form
that adds to a child instead of diminishes a child.
So in this moment,
I ask you to understand that the dynamic
that is happening on a spiritual level
is the reverse of what we actually think it is
between parents and children.
It is not the parent who is calling the child
into the expanded place.
It is the child who is expanding the parent
into that expanded place
and it is the parent’s job to enable that.
I also ask you to take on this perspective
that every interaction with your child
is an opportunity to enhance their spirit
and their unique essence or to diminish it.
And every time you get into conflict with your child,
consider that they are merely calling you into your own expansion
and often by reflecting to you something
that you disown within yourself long ago
and need to learn to re-own
and accept as part of yourself and eventually love.
I'm gonna give you one tip here:
To become conscious
of these unconscious aspects within us,
what we have to ask ourselves
when we're in the minute of being upset
about something our kid is doing
or some interaction we're having with them,
"Why am I getting so upset in the scenario?"
Your children will continue to mirror the aspects of you
that you have not integrated
so as to integrate them and become more whole.
Every moment we answer the call of our children
to become more conscious
and especially become more conscious
of what we’re unconscious of,
we are standing on the side of our own expansion.
We will end the conflict
between not only us and other people
but especially us and our children, us and ourselves.
This is an awesome opportunity.
Now when we do this,
the answer about how to best parent our child
doesn't have to come from a book.
It will come to us directly
as if the answer was always knocking on the damn door,
we just never answered it.
Have a good week.
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte & Isa