One memorable example of corporate bureaucracy was when I was working as a computer programmer.
My job was to add new features to the insurance claim software used by a large Australian
insurer.
One fine day, I was asked to add a checkbox to a particular page of the claim application
process.
You know the ones, right?
A square box that can be checked or unchecked, “yes” or “no”.
The text that I was told to put to the right of the box was something like “Do you agree
that you have inspected the vehicle for all signs of intentional damage?“.
Sounds simple, right?
Just add a check box to a page.
Well, it was.
It took me all of 10 minutes to complete it.
Was that the end of the job?
Not by a long shot!
Let Everyone Have a Say
Each programming team had a business representative there to make sure all changes met business
requirements.
My checkbox ticked all the boxes (so to speak), and the business rep was happy with the result.
So I went outside to have a coffee, very proud of myself for having completed the job so
quickly.
When I came back, another business rep had made an appearance and was chatting with the
one that had approved my change.
He approached me and said that the text should have been on the left hand side of the box,
so I quickly sat down and fixed it.
Another 10 minute job.
Happy with myself again, I decided to move onto my next job.
Technically, we were supposed to finish a job completely before moving onto another
job, but I felt that this checkbox task was done and dusted.
After coming back from my lunch break, I noticed the two business reps speaking with a third
rep.
They were looking over my way, so I knew there was another minor issue.
They approached me and said that the wording should probably be in the first-person.
Something like “I agree that I have inspected the vehicle for all signs of intentional damage“.
So I quickly fixed that up and confirmed with the three of them that it met business requirements.
Everyone was happy.
Bureaucracy at Its Best
The next day I came into work, I saw a couple of the business reps chatting again.
I had a funny feeling that it was about the checkbox again.
As expected, they approached me and said they were considering arranging a meeting with
somebody from the relevant department to confirm that the checkbox wording was satisfactory.
They wanted me to attend to make sure that everything was viable from a programming point
of view.
So later that day, they scheduled an hour long meeting regarding this checkbox.
There were seven people in the meeting – three business representatives, a department rep,
a test analyst, myself, and one of my many managers.
Despite me thinking this was a bit overkill for such a trivial widget, everybody else
in the room was acting dead serious.
The issue was that apparently the wording of the checkbox was required to meet certain
legal obligations.
That is, certain words needed to be phrased in such a way where the business could not
be held accountable for any misunderstanding.
I put in my two-cents and said that the current wording was perfectly understandable, and
the intention was clear.
However, the department rep didn’t agree and decided to schedule a meeting with one
of their lawyers.
A couple of days went past and then my business rep came back to me with the new wording.
It had gone from a simple sentence to a full-on paragraph of text.
I’m not joking.
It was something like “The current vehicle that I have just inspected (‘The Vehicle’),
was inspected by myself in a way conducive to discovering all wilful or intentional damage
that was pre-existing and not caused by any accident, natural disaster, nor any other
non-wilful cause, has been found to be free of previously mentioned wilful damage.
I have inspected The Vehicle to a high-standard as expected by me in accordance with subsection
32AA of the … blah blah blah“.
It was all legal mumbo jumbo and I think everyone realised it was a load of old rubbish.
I made the new checkbox changes, and at last I thought I could put the whole checkbox ordeal
behind me.
Oh, no, no, no.
Another couple of days went past and it was discovered by one of the vehicle assessors
that because they were using our software on relatively small tablet computers, they
were not able to click the checkbox (as it was too small for their grease-covered fingers).
Suddenly, the checkbox issue was elevated to high-importance.
Previously, it was considered a trivial change, but things had now escalated!
Anyway, I won’t bore you with the details, but the checkbox addition literally took three
weeks to complete!
It was originally a simple change, but thanks to all the managers, assessors, business representatives
and lawyers, things got complicated.
Corporate bureaucracy at its best.
University Red Tape
Recently I did some work for a university helping international students settle in their
first few weeks.
One student wanted to change his major, consequently needing to change a couple of the classes
he was enrolled in.
I knew it was a simple task, so sat down and helped him use the university website.
In similar fashion to the checkbox, it took all of 10 minutes.
However, he was here in Australia on a scholarship, so I thought I better check with the scholarship
department to make sure the class changes were all okay.
Boy, did I open up a can of worms.
The scholarship officer told me that because the scholarship was sponsored by the Australian
government, there were some very strict rules and regulations.
It wasn’t just a simple matter of changing the courses the student was enrolled in, we
had to get permission to do it by various people.
So she scheduled a meeting with the faculty enrolment officer at 3:00 pm that afternoon.
We also had to go to the people responsible for acquiring the textbooks for the student
and make sure that they were able to get the books for the new classes.
Free Buses and Driving Students and Staff (Mad)
Later that morning, the student also had a meeting with some government officials which
he had to attend in the city centre.
Luckily, there was a free bus organised by the university which was due to come back
to the uni at around 1:30 pm – plenty of time to get the student to the faculty enrolment
officer meeting by 3:00 pm.
However on that particular day, my car was in being serviced in the city, not far from
the government building.
My original plan was to catch the bus into the city with the student, do my official
duties, then walk up with the student to get my car and drive them back to the university.
I mentioned this plan to one of the university staff and they said that I would have to check
with one of the university’s Service Officers whether I was allowed to drive students around.
I went to the appropriate building and requested to see one of these officers, but of course,
they were not in.
I left them with my phone number and was told that they would contact me as soon as possible.
Later, just before we were due to hop on the bus, I got a phone call from the university.
They told me they were unaware of any rules regarding the driving of students to and from
events, so they said to play it safe, I should let the student come back on the bus, go grab
my car, and then meet them back at the university.
At last, I thought I had got through all the red tape.
We jumped on the bus, then I overheard the university representative speaking with the
bus driver.
The bus was due to head back to the uni at 1:30 pm, but there was obviously a misunderstanding.
It turns out the bus driver was told by his boss he had to go to a few other locations
before going back to the university.
The expected return time was about 3:00 pm – too tight to get my student from the bus
stop to the important faculty meeting by 3:00 pm.
To cut a long story short, I eventually got the student back to the uni in time for his
meeting (having broken a few university rules along the way).
In the end, the classes that he had changed earlier in the morning were completely fine.
Something that should have taken 10 minutes turned into about six hours of effort.
Bureaucracy for Bureaucracy’s Sake
Wherever we go in our lives, there seems to be this endless bureaucracy.
Nobody seems to want to make a decision any more without first consulting five or ten
other people.
There’s this endless loop of passing the buck.
Once simple tasks have turned into mammoth undertakings.
We can no longer add a simple checkbox to a page without first consulting our legal
team.
We can no longer give a poor student a lift without going through multiple policy booklets.
What the hell is wrong with our society where we aren’t allowed to make a trivial decision
without first consulting our managers, who in turn must consult their managers?
Let’s end this bureaucracy and cut the red tape.
It’s completely inefficient and ineffectual.
Just ask our American friend Donald Trump:
"Getting things done in this country, if you want to build something, if you want to start
a company, it’s getting to be virtually impossible with all of the bureaucracy and
all of the approvals."