the number one thing that you want to try to avoid when you're dealing with someone
who you believe has narcissistic tendencies or is a full-blown narcissist
you want to avoid trying to prove your point we have to understand that a
narcissist is generally somebody who does not listen they don't care what you
think they don't care what you feel their entire agenda is to get people to
believe what they think and to get them to take care of them and if they cannot
achieve that then they will try to intimidate you then they will try to in
some cases even hurt you and I see a narcissist as a black hole somebody who
does not know how to generate their own generate from their own energy from
within somebody who has to exist on planet earth as someone who looks to
take energy from others so the worst thing that we can do is put ourselves in
the situation where we are trying to prove our point with those
self-acceptance isn't just about accepting the parts of ourselves that
are pretty and acceptable self-acceptance is about us learning to
accept those aspects of ourselves that are flawed that aren't so pretty that
can be ugly now when I say accept those aspects of
us I don't mean that we condone those accident aspects of us I'm saying that
what we need to do is learn to accept those aspects of ourselves that aren't
so pretty and those aspects of ourselves that may be tied to the past may be tied
to I use my own terms on consciousness like living below the
veil of consciousness you know but running from those aspects of self that
were not happy with it hits our ability to be happy because to be free and to be
happy in this lifetime at least in my humble opinion means that I have to
accept all facets of maybe it's because we're walking and just because we're
talking doesn't mean that we're thinking we can literally drive home from the
mall and not know how we got home when we tie our shoes that is all part of the
default mode Network because we've done it we've patterned it it's become part
of our subconscious programming we have neural associations that are
connected and we've done this thing over and over and over and over so we don't
to think about it anymore when we are thinking we are doing
something we haven't done before like if you've never been in a bike now you have
to think about your balance but once you learn start to learn to ride a bike and
you've done it over and over that becomes part of your default mode
network this means dear ones that we have to begin observing our emotions
with an analytical mindset we have to begin logically looking and observing at
the way we react that's Alice she's moaning and groaning we have to be able
to observe our emotions we have to learn to take the time if you have been so
unfortunate to be impacted by a narcissist you have grown up walking
around on eggshells you have never felt good enough you have had your memories
screwed with you have brain fog you're unable to hold on to anything concrete
this is traumatic when you're having your psychological self chopped up into
tiny little pieces by somebody who has managed to get into your heart space
this is debilitating the more powerless we feel the more traumatic this event is
to us the more damaging this event is to us but I would say to you that try to
control what you can get as smart as you can and don't tell anybody if that means
that you're eating better eat better just don't tell anybody if that means
you're exercising in your bedroom and you're not telling anybody exercise my
suggestion is to become as independent as possible without letting anybody know
you're on the sign your relationship is really in trouble is when you discover
that you are unable to get from point A to point B so let's say you have
something that you want to discuss with your spouse and you present it to him
and you relate to the idea that every time you try to talk to your husband or
your spouse about something you're never able to get from point A to point B so
you're unable to really end up finding a solution to a problem that you have
presented the second sign if you or your partner wish to be right instead of
really looking for a solution that's not attached to an outcome the relationship
is probably in trouble the third sign that your relationship isn't
is if you walk around on eggshells around your partner or if your partner
walks around on eggshells around you this is a big sign that the relationship
itself is not healthy it's toxic and it's just a matter of time before the
relationship begins to really really distant times those of us who have felt
abandoned and rejected and alone we end up wanting to be people who bring people
together so if you have suffered from abandonment and exclusion then you might
be someone today that looks to include people rather than exclude people so
you're all you're all about bringing people together you're all about helping
people feel seen if you relate to that if that resonates with you that you grew
up feeling so alone and today as a result you struggle with setting
boundaries with people and you're not convinced that it's because it's coming
from this place of low self esteem where instead it might be a form of
codependent empathetic or empathy projection meaning that we don't want to
do to someone what we would hate someone I think all too often people think they
are supposed to be paying attention to every cloud or every thought that runs
through the mental field no dear ones no you have to understand the mental field
is sort of like the sky and the skies job if you will is to hold clouds now
the mental field is a field if you will that is supposed to be able to hold
thought processes the mental field isn't thinking no more than the sky is
creating the clouds the mental field holds thoughts sort of like a cloud is
able to be held in the sky and we can look up at the sky and look at the cloud
you don't have to attach to that thought that's floating by in the mental field
you think that I want to offer you is dear ones focus on the facts was this
person addicted to drugs before you met them did this person have a criminal
record before you met them did this person
the habit of stealing how the habit of lying has this person cheated on you
have you found text messages on their phone that they you know try to explain
away but you know in your heart they're more than what they seem to be has this
person violated you in some way is this person passive-aggressive condescending
cruel to animals is this person one way in public and another way behind closed
doors when you start focusing on the facts what will happen is your brain
doesn't sound such an alarm because facts are facts we're not thinking about
leaving right away which is thinking about facts so if you are considering
leaving a relationship or if that begins to show up in your spirit or your heart
your mind step one is to focus on facts there are five things that I would like
you to consider dear one and the first one is be more honest his flirting
doesn't hurt you because he flirts his flirting hurts you because what it makes
you believe about yourself it makes you believe that you're unworthy it makes
you feel that you are invisible it makes you feel like you're unimportant that's
what's really going on the second thing I want you to do what dear one is to
begin asking for what really you really want so on the surface we say I want you
to stop flirting you're flirting hurts me but below the surface I feel alone
I'm afraid that I might want to get a divorce so I think we also have to think
about that if we're in relationships then we absolutely are called to care
about how our actions affect our spouses and our loved ones that's just part of
the agreement so do you wanna be more honest about what the first thing I want
you to do dear ones is to define what the hell you want the universe doesn't
answer to what you don't want the universe just answers to what you do
want and the way in my opinion the way this whole
thing works is whatever's on your mind is what you're going to attract right so
you can what you want to do is understand that the universe doesn't
work in don't the universe works in what is and what is your points of focus so
if your point of focus is I don't want someone who's rude then that's what's
usually gonna show up okay so what you want to do deal ones the first thing is
define what you want so what you want to do is you want a journal about what your
divine relationship looks like you have to have a very clear picture the
subconscious mind works like a bull's eye it needs pictures it needs to
understand exactly what it is you want to manifest into your life experience so
take the information of what you don't want and apply it to what your second
thing that you can do to bring balance into your body is to responsibly eat so
eat responsibly but pay attention to what you're putting into your mouth so
pay attention to empty calories pay attention to fat turns out that fat you
know can clog these tiny little capillaries in your brain and make it
very difficult for the neurons to fire in your brain effectively and to
transmit information for us to maintain harmony our body we have to respect that
we are a bunch of cells and that we are a physical body our spirit exists and
needs this physical body so to if we want to begin any type of spiritual
healing process we have to respect and eat responsibly we have to be
responsible to our bodies and eat in a way that assures that we are going to
get the most nutrition out of make sure that you're taking time to reflect make
sure that you are lighting up the prefrontal lobe and the neocortex and
you are making the best use out of your brain I wish that there are more people
on this planet that thought about the way they think rather than live in a
state of reactivity so think about finding quiet time a few
minutes of deaf you minutes a day to reflect on the way
that you showed up you know why are you judgmental were you critical of yourself
and of others and if so nudge the judge do not judge yourself for it to say I
would like to be less of that tomorrow I would like to be more of this tomorrow
so be willing to reflect on how you show up and be willing to be more responsible
for what you is revealed to you about yourself and about the way you are
actually showing up in your skin every day so if you fall off the horse and you
have a bad day and you start ruminating and you start listening to these
narratives in your head you know and you've had a rough day or you've had a
rough week just get back on the horse just get back paying attention to what's
happening your mind return to supreme self care I can tell you that one of the
one of the best ways to soothe the your being is to offer yourself self
compassion and to know that it is not your fault that you know you are
struggling with childhood trauma is not your fault if you don't love yourself
and don't you never felt loved it's not your fault that it's difficult for you
to take a shower every day or it's difficult for you to remember to eat
well that's not your fault but you know it is important for you to understand
that no one's going to do those things for you that accountability is very much
what recovery is about