[Music]
hi everyone and welcome back to your
girls Channel
so today I have a topic that I've been
wanting to talk about for years now and
I don't know why I never really got
around to talking about it a part of me
feels like it's not something that
people would be necessarily interested
in but as I'm getting older more and
more I find myself thinking about this
almost on a daily basis and whether or
not this is something that affects your
life I hope that this is a video that
you can pass on to people in your life
that are probably dealing with the same
thing because growing up for me this was
something that was really hard and I
didn't realize I played such a huge role
in my life until my adulthood and the
topic is about growing up as a
chinese-american and obviously you do
not have to be Chinese to be watching
this video I'm just sharing with you
guys my experience and how I grew up so
just apply it in your own life and with
that being said let's just jump right in
and get started so I want to start off
to give a little backstory in case you
guys are new to my channel so when I was
growing up my parents never really like
told me oh Whaley you're Chinese or
you're Asian
believe it or not growing up I didn't
even realize that there were other
ethnic backgrounds in the world I
thought we were all the same people I
obviously noticed a difference between
me and my classmates I would see that we
have different hair colors different eye
colors and we would speak a different
language back at home but for some
reason and never clicked to me because
my parents never like drilled in my head
like oh you're Asian or you're Chinese I
just saw everyone as human beings and
that may sound stupid to y'all but for
real I did not know the difference
growing up I just thought everyone was
taught different things in their
household but I didn't realize that
meant that we came from a different like
ethnic background so the first day of
preschool rolled around and it was
nothing like I expected it I grew up
just speaking Cantonese Chinese whatever
you want to call it in my family my
family didn't see the need of teaching
me English because they felt like well
she's gonna learn it in school anyway so
might as well teach her like her native
tongue serve on my voice I'm like
recovering from a cold so this voice is
just all weird since I all right but
going back to what I was saying my
parents did not teach me a word of
English I probably knew things like
Apple I knew my name and that's pretty
much about it I didn't know English at
all going into preschool so I remember
going to school looking at everyone it
was like what are they saying eventually
by the end of preschool I picked up on
the lane
and we went into kindergarten and I
understood English just fine then third
grade came around and third grade was
about the time mark where I started
feeling uncomfortable about being
Chinese growing up in my family all we
ate was Chinese food every meal
consisted of rice so you each have your
bowl of rice and then there's all the
meats and veggies or whatever and we all
share it hardly did I ever eat anything
outside of Chinese food the only like
taste of American food I would get would
probably be like McDonald's or sometimes
we would go to Denny's which is a diner
sorry I think I said third grade earlier
but I'm in second grade second grade is
the first time I started feeling any
sort of discrimination second grade not
third grade in second grade I moved to a
new school and I was super excited about
it and I wanted to buy school lunches
because I've always kind of like brought
my own lunch and no one's ever really
said anything about it I think it's
because we were younger at the time in
second grade I decided the first day of
school mom I want to buy lunch at school
I just wanted to try it so my parents
gave me lunch money that day and when I
went into the lunch line I remember
looking at everything and I was just
like how do you eat this after that day
I went home and I was telling my mom
like I don't really like the food like
that's not what I want to eat so I think
I'm just gonna go back to bringing my
own food so my mom was like cool okay
growing up something that my parents
would always make like this was my
favorite thing this was my dream I ate
it almost every single day
and it is pork belly with pickled
mustard greens it's like a stew that you
would make and it was just uh it was so
so good anytime that my mom made sooner
I caught you I would be like oh today is
my lucky day
so that night my mom made a big old pot
of its unless she can pack me lunch for
the next day and she put it in like this
like thermal warmer thing it was like a
it was like a cup like this there were
layers on the top she put my rice and on
the bottom she put the meat and I was so
excited about lunch time okay girl like
I knew that was in my lunch bag and like
while I was in class I was like looking
forward to lunch I'm like I cannot wait
to eat this so by the time I get to
lunch I'm like ready right I like bust
out my food I'm like putting my rice
down putting my meat down I got my
chopsticks out I'm ready to eat and then
all of a sudden all my classmates look
at me and then they're like what is that
smell and at first I thought they
thought it smelled good cuz to me this
was a
I grew up with and this smells [ __ ]
amazing if you ask me so I'm all like
excited I'm like oh you want to know
what I'm eating okay they all come over
and they're all like hovering over and
they're like what is that like what is
that smell so I was like oh it's a pork
belly with like pickled veggies it's a
Chinese dish and then after I said pork
belly I don't know if it's cuz in
America you don't call bacon pork belly
you call it bacon but it's really pork
belly I don't know the second I said
pork belly everyone freaked down they're
like hey what are you eating why are you
eating that that's so disgusting
oh my god it smells so bad literally
everyone just started talking about it
and they made it seem like the most
disgusting thing ever they all walked
away and I remember just like my heart
sunk I felt so embarrassed but I didn't
even know what I was embarrassed about
because I literally went from oh my god
I'm so proud that I'm eating this and
I'm having this - oh my god why did
everyone freak out I don't understand
I felt so so embarrassed like I didn't
even know if I should even eat anymore
at that point I was really hungry it
smelled really good I wanted to eat it
but because everyone looked at me as if
it's so disgusting I felt like if I ate
it that would mean I'm disgusting so I
took a few bites and I just put it away
and I pretended like I didn't even like
it myself and I remember just feeling so
disgusted with myself because I was
lying to myself you know I wanted to fit
in so I acted like something that I
liked and something that I was so proud
of what's disgusting to me so the next
door I want to talk about is the day I
found out I was Chinese okay it was a
day in third grade where a new kid came
to our school I believe he was Taiwanese
so he spoke Mandarin and he had a really
flat face which I hate to even say that
but let's just be real like I have a
really flat face and seriously can we
talk about this without people getting
offended I'm just gonna be real and just
describe what I feel okay most Asian
people do have more of a flatter profile
and if you don't that's great I'm not
saying all Asians do many of us don't
have really prominent cheekbones we
don't have deep set eyes I remember
that's how a nice kid he had a really
really flat face like even more flat
than mine and all the kids in class were
making fun of him and I overheard them
and they're just like he has such a flat
face like did he get slapped or
something growing up grow
I was someone that just listened to
everybody else I never really had an
opinion of my own like if that's what
the majority is saying I'm gonna be like
okay yeah you're right so there was a
moment where those mean kids looked at
me and they looked at me as if they were
waiting for me to like jump in and say
something too and me being the loser
that I was I'm just like oh [ __ ] that's
what they're saying like I need to agree
with them because otherwise they would
laugh at me so I say back to them like
yeah he has such a flat face and then
they all bursted out laughing looked at
me and one of the guys were like so do
you aren't you guys the same or
something so that day after school I go
home and I tell my mom and I'm like kids
at school were making fun of me saying
that I have a flat face like do I have a
flat face I remember my mom saying like
hey hold on let me sigh don't say Casey
well they didn't go again then which in
translation my mom was just like huh
maybe it's just those kids making fun of
us Asian people and I was just like
what's the difference so my mom broke it
down to me explained to me that you know
we are different like we are minorities
in this country and bla bla bla so on so
forth and that for me explained so much
about why I don't eat food that kids at
school eat or why sometimes I don't
understand words because the only way I
can express it is in Chinese and that
explains why I struggled so much in
English which brings me to my next story
I hope you guys aren't born these
stories yet but this is the last story I
want to tell and that is me struggling a
lot as a kid
in English so I remember kids would read
books and like we had to take these
tests at the end of like each book that
we read just to see how much we absorb
the material and I remember I would fail
every single test even though I read the
book or at least I thought I read the
book reading was a really really hard
thing because I was learning English at
school but the second I got home I'm
speaking Chinese with my family
throughout elementary school throughout
middle school I struggled so hard I can
never pass those reading tests I was
testing two to three grades below what I
was supposed to be say I was in fifth
grade I was at a reading level of a
second third grader after my parents
knowing that I was testing so low in my
reading or my English test instead of
trying to understand why I was testing
that way my mom immediately just got mad
at me and was like you watched too much
TV why don't you study more you're born
and raised in America
how do you not know English and if you
ask me that was pretty shitty to be told
as a kid because I don't know like I
don't know why I suck at this it's like
I'm trying [ __ ] I'm trying like I'm
trying to read these goddamned books but
I can't understand it it's just it's
just so confusing for me and I think any
kid growing up in a bilingual family can
relate like for real I was struggling
because there were all these kids in
class reading Harry Potter and Harry
Potter is a big book y'all like it is
this thick okay while everybody was on
there Harry Potter I was still on my
Junie P Jones okay so those were the few
stories I wanted to share with you guys
sorry if I bored you those were the
moments for me growing up that impacted
me so much and with that being said I
want to talk about how I have learned to
be proud of being chinese-american and
being different and the way that I have
coped with it is that I told myself
there's nothing to be embarrassed about
like what is wrong with being a minority
what is wrong with being different what
is wrong with speaking a different
language outside of English I asked
myself
shouldn't I be proud that I know two
languages shouldn't I be proud that I
know two different cultures and what is
wrong with mine whether a person speaks
another language eats a different type
of food or not we are all people like
when it comes down to it we're all
people we're all just people trying to
make it in this world and shouldn't we
bring our differences together and share
that with each other and learn from each
other just take a second and imagine
what if everyone in this world were
American and we all ate the same thing
we all spoke the same language and there
was nothing else beyond that what if we
were all the same with the same exact
value spoke the same language ate the
same food then there won't be much to
share it wasn't until like the end of
high school where I realized I wanted to
embrace being Chinese it helped me
tremendously when I started surrounding
myself with people who wanted me to
embrace that side of me and that is one
of my biggest advice to you guys
surround yourself with people who
genuinely are curious about you want to
know about you and respect you because
if you surround yourself with people who
are just gonna make fun of you make you
feel ashamed of who you are that's what
you're gonna be so girl if you're around
people that want to
I thought your language want to laugh of
what you eat laugh of what you wear you
are putting yourself in the wrong place
and by the way as many of you guys know
WOM my boyfriend he's Chinese as well
and dating him was not like a plan thing
I did it like date him because oh my god
he's Chinese I want to be with a Chinese
guy it just so happened to be that he
was Chinese and he is someone that
embraces being Chinese so so much he was
a type of kid
to bring a ham using your pen to school
okay like if you bring ham you take no
pen to school you don't [ __ ] play you
are embracing the most Chinese side of
you if you bring a ham using your pen to
school or to work okay I'm using a pen
is basically a steamed dish with salted
fish and pork it's like a pancake it's
like a meat pancake but the salty fish
oh my god it smells so so strong like if
I microwaved a hob using a bang in my
house right now
you would smell it throughout my entire
apartment okay and while was this type
of guy growing up where he was so proud
of who he was he had no shame in it and
ever since dating him he has really
drilled that into me so like I said
earlier the biggest advice I can give to
you if you're dealing with just some
sort of embarrassment or shame about you
having a different ethnic background
please surround yourself with people who
genuinely want you to thrive and instead
of seeing your differences of something
embarrassing see it as something I can
bring to the table like let me tell
y'all about my pork belly let me tell
y'all about my salted fish and if after
you tell people what you like to eat or
how you grew up and they want to be
disgusted it turned off or whatever
about it
let them be like let them be
closed-minded don't ever close yourself
off and think that you shouldn't share
your differences because that is what
makes this world so beautiful all of our
differences coming together as one and
people learning about each other I know
music plays a huge role in many people's
lives and for me growing up I didn't
know who I sure was
neo Beyonce Pussycat Dolls like those
were the artists that you know when I
was growing up those were the artists
that were like poppin you know and I
remember going to school and all these
girls would have sure on their binder
and they're like oh my god this is Asher
and I'm just like who dad because the
only artists that I know is twins boys
chang-geun Haley
Hakan young Joey tan while on like those
are the only hardest that I listen to
and those are the only artists that I
knew and because I wanted to fit in I
started to listen to the music that
other kids were listening to and it
wasn't that I didn't like it but my
heart was with Chinese music because
that is what I grew up with that is what
I know and that's what I like and for
years I would download songs into my
ipod that I personally did not really
enjoy listening to just so that in case
another kid from my class wanted to
listen to my music they'd be like oh
[ __ ] Wei Lee knows the new songs and
stuff and I just remember feeling like
this is not me this is not what I want
to listen to nowadays if you guys pick
up my phone you go to my music all I
have is Chinese music the only way I
know of new American songs coming out is
through my friends and wah and I mean I
still enjoy listening to it but for me
the music that really inspires me or
music that really connects with me is
Chinese music and I have no shame in it
I would be blasting that [ __ ] girl I'm
like driving with my windows down I'm
like blasting my Chinese music and yes
people next to me will probably be like
what the [ __ ] is she listening to like
that's not cool like what is that it
sounds so weird but I'm just like hey
you listen to your music I listen to
mine this is what I like to listen to
and I'm a jam out to it right this video
is getting really long as always every
time we do girl talk we talk forever
okay I think I got most of the things
that I wanted to talk about out and
maybe after watching this video you're
still feeling a little iffy and you feel
like you don't really know how to apply
these things into your life because it
is hard you know it is hard to embrace
something that's so different to people
who aren't used to it and you feel
embarrassed you feel judged but the most
important thing is you got to surround
yourself with people who genuinely care
and respect you and you yourself you are
the first person that needs to accept
and feel proud of who you are
because you can't look for that
validation and other people you got to
feel it in your heart girl that
upbringing of yours is what molded you
to be the person you are today and you
have so much to offer I hope this video
meant something to you I hope that it
changed your way of thinking a little
bit and I hope that is taking you one
step closer to accepting who you are
thank you guys so much for watching and
tuning in to my channel and I will see
you guys in my next one bye
you