Hey guys! Today I want to talk about kind of a complicated but important subject.
We get a lot of questions that are, “How can I date a Japanese guy?”
or “Do Japanese girls like guys with long hair?”
or most commonly of all people just say, “I want to date a Japanese person!!”
And I think this is a really important topic to talk about.
First of all, I’m curious for those of you who have been thinking things like this:
why specifically single out Japanese people?
If you’re compatible with someone then it shouldn’t really matter what ethnicity they are,
or what country they’re from, right?
I get a little worried sometimes when I see comments like this that
people are basing that want off of stereotypes that they have about Japanese people.
The most common one that we hear about of course is men saying,
“I want a Japanese wife because she’s going to stay at home and do all the cooking
and cleaning and she's gonna let me be the head of the house and make all the decisions,
and be kind of like subservient.” You know, that sort of thing.
And I also hear a lot on the opposite side of things.
People saying, "I don't ever want to date Japanese people because..."
and the most common thing I heard about this is women saying,
"Japanese men are abusive to their wives or they expect to make all the decisions.
They expect their women to stay at home and cook and clean and just have babies" and stuff like that.
And both sides of this, these stereotypes, these are bad.
Putting aside for a moment the fact that it’s offensive to generalize an entire population like that,
you can’t generalize people when it comes to dating.
There are lots of fun videos and blog posts on the internet that list ways to date in Japan.
And while I think they're fun to look at, they're kind of like Facebook quizzes:
they don't actually mean much.
Generalizations like that work GREAT when you're talking about manners and etiquette,
and things like that, because manners apply to large portions of people.
You're going to enact your manners around lots of people. Not just a single person.
So for example, if you go on the subway in Japan, you can say “I shouldn’t talk on
my phone because it’s going to bother a lot of people.”
And that would be true because maybe, let's say statistically
80 out of the 100 people around you would be bothered if you talked on your phone.
But you can’t point at one specific person on the train and say,
“I would bother that guy if I talked on my phone," because you don't know that guy.
You have no idea what he's thinking.
So generalizations don't work when you're talking about individual people.
When you’re in a relationship, you’re dating one person (generally).
You’re not dating the entire subway.
You have no idea what that one person's
thoughts and ideals and mindset is going to be about everything.
So you have to treat them a person. You can't base how to date them off of generalizations.
So wanting to date or not date Japanese people based off of stereotypes,
isn't really a good thing.
But are there reasons that are okay for wanting to specifically date Japanese people?
This is so complicated, and I don’t think it’s very cut and dry.
People have preferences.
Some people like skinny people, some people like chubby people, some people like blondes,
some people like redheads, some people like monolids, some people like narrow noses, some
people like tan skin, some people like hairy chests.
That's just a personal preference and you can’t really help what you’re attracted to.
As long as you’re not stereotyping someone,
and you’re open to dating other people if someone you’re compatible with comes along,
then I personally don't think it's a problem.
But some people do have an issue with it.
Some people don’t want others to be attracted to them just because they
have blonde hair, or just because they're Asian.
And that is a completely okay thing for them to feel.
I think that physical attraction is a big part of initially liking someone, but generally
you stay in a relationship because you like other things about them, too. Like you like
Like you like their personality and their ideals.
Looks are going to change for everyone. That’s just how life goes.
So while I think it’s okay to have physical preferences, you also
need more to a relationship than just that.
Unless you know you’re just looking for like a mutual agreement FWBs kind of relationship.
And that's your decision to make, too.
In the end though you can't really tell people how to date.
People are going to do what they want and if it’s not hurting anyone else
then I don't really think it's anyone's business.
There are people here in Japan who only want to date foreigners, we call them gaijin hunters.
So I personally think, why not let gaijin hunters and people with yellow fever date each other?
Because maybe they’re just going to be super freaking happy together, I don't know.
But if they’re only dating each other based off of stereotypes, then them dating
each other is the quickest way for them to realize that those stereotypes probably aren't true.
So I don't have an issue with that sort of thing.
And Jun's not here, but we've talked about this before and he agrees with me, too.
I'm personally kind of a "if everyone's happy and healthy in a relationship then I don't
care, it's none of my business, they can do whatever they want" sort of person.
But that's just me.
But I do think it’s important to at least talk about this subject, especially since
it’s becoming so common these days for people to fetishize people who are Asian.
And not just that, but people refuse to date people who are Asian based off of
incorrect, negative stereotypes.
I didn’t know what to expect when I started dating Jun.
I met him the very first day that I came to Japan,
and I had heard so many things like,
"Japanese men are abusive" or "Japanese men are controlling"
or "They sleep around. They don't let women make decisions," and all that kind of stuff.
So I actually in the beginning tried really hard not to become interested in him because
I was really worried about those things.
I thought, “He SEEMS like the nicest guy in the world, and he can cook, and he's athletic,
and he’s so smart and sexy,
but maybe secretly he doesn’t respect women, or maybe he would
expect a woman to stay at home and cook and have kids” and stuff like that.
But none of those things were true.
Every negative stereotype I had heard about Japanese men didn't apply to Jun.
He really was just as amazing as he seemed to me.
So I think negative stereotypes like that are also hurtful,
and honestly I hear them a lot.
So I want to make sure that people aren't interested in specifically dating or not dating Japanese people
just because of stereotypes, because you can't stereotype individual people like that.
Everyone’s their own unique person. You just have to get to know them.
But what do you guys think? Please let me know. Thanks for watching! Bye :D