-Thank you so much.
Thank you. Thanks.
It's great to be here.
I grew up in New York City, and I went to college here, too.
I went to Juilliard. I played the viola.
[ Cheers and applause ]
If you don't know what a viola is, I'll tell you.
It's like a violin but a little bigger
and nobody cares. [ Light laughter ]
[ Laughter ]
I like telling people I went to Juilliard
because they act impressed, and then I act modest...
[ Light laughter ]
...and I love that. [ Light laughter ]
They're like, "Whoa, Juilliard." I'm like, "Eh, it's nothing."
They're like, "Wow, humble and talented."
I'm like, "Yes." [ Laughter ]
"I am perfect." [ Laughter ]
It's annoying when sometimes
someone hasn't heard of Juilliard.
[ Laughter ]
'Cause then I just have to politely explain to them
that it's a big deal.
[ Laughter ]
They're like, "Oh, what's Juilliard?"
I'm like, "Oh, it's just, you know,
one of the best music schools."
They're like, "Oh, music? My niece plays violin."
I'm like, "Yeah, she wouldn't get in."
[ Laughter and applause ]
When I was 9, I went to soccer camp,
and that was a nightmare 'cause I was bad at sports.
And I knew I was particularly bad,
because at the camp,
everyone would call me a "good sport."
[ Light laughter ]
That's where you're just so used to losing
and it gets mistaken for a good attitude.
[ Laughter ]
I was like, "Well, we lost again."
The coach is like, "This kid gets it."
[ Laughter ]
But I'm competitive,
and I liked being called a good anything.
So, "good sport," I was like, "All right.
I will be the best sport."
[ Laughter ]
And at the end of the summer, they gave out these awards.
And they announced the sportsmanship award.
And I was fully expecting to get this, and I didn't.
Some other loser did.
[ Laughter ]
Apparently, this quiet girl named Jenny had been muttering
"Good game" the whole summer.
[ Laughter ]
I went up to her after.
I was like, "Hey, congratulations."
She was like, "You should've gotten it."
I was like, "Oh, you're good, Jenny."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Jenny... [ Scoffs ]
I was with my friend recently,
and she said something kind of weird to me.
She was like, "Isabel, you have resting sad face."
[ Light laughter ]
I was like, "Oh, no. It's active."
[ Laughter ]
I don't smile a lot in my everyday life.
I have kind of a goofy smile. I get self-conscious.
But it's fun when I get that cat call, like,
"Hey, baby, smile." "Okay." [ Growls ]
They're like, "Never mind." [ Laughter ]
I have been sad.
I recently went through a break-up.
And I'm scared to fall in love again now
because here's what I learned about love, all right?
Love is the only thing that, when you lose it,
you doubt it ever existed in the first place.
[ Audience "Awws" ]
No one ever loses their keys and they're like,
"Well, maybe there never were any keys.
I don't even know."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Maybe I've just been letting myself in with lies."
[ Laughter ]
I've been trying to get out of the house more.
I was in a coffee shop recently,
and I saw a mother with her baby.
And I went up to them, and I was like, "Excuse me.
She's so cute." And the mom said, "Thank you,"
taking the compliment for the baby.
[ Laughter ]
That made me think, "I wish I had my mom with me
to take all the compliments I receive in public today."
[ Light laughter ] That'd be nice.
Some guy walks by me, he's like, "Damn, she's sexy."
My mom's like, "Thank you."
[ Laughter ]
"Isabel, the nice man wants to bang you.
Say thank you." [ Laughter ]
I love my mom. I do.
We have a good relationship.
My mom recently informed me that I breastfed till I was 3.
[ Laughter ]
I was like, "Yeah, Mom, I remember."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"I was in preschool, yeah."
Kids would be like, "You wanna trade lunches?"
I was like, "My mom just left."
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
Thank you! I'm Isabel Hagen.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-I have to fist-bump you.
I can't shake hands.
Isabel Hagen! Oh, my goodness!
[ Cheers and applause ]
For more, go to isabelhagen.com.