Hello there, today we're talking about
how to overcome fear, how to conquer your fear.
Before I get started.
How many times have you found yourself
in a situation where you really want to do something
and as a reflection of not being able to do it
you simply said, oh, I was too scared?
Or I had some kind of fear that showed up for me in life
that led me to not take action towards it?
How many times your clients may have told you that?
Or I couldn't get on stage
and speak my truth because I got scared.
Or I didn't approach that person that I loved
because I was fearful of what may happen?
So fear plays a very big role in our lives.
And fear is something that was for real
when we were living in the Stone Ages
in the ages where we really had to genuinely be fearful
of everything that was around us.
A tiger could just pop out and kill us.
But those years and years of programming
still tend to show up when now we are dealing
with much softer issues in life.
They're not life-threatening,
but we make them life-threatening.
That credit card bill feels like the end of the world,
or that rejection that we get for a proposal
that we might've made feels like
this is the end of our careers.
And because these small events creating insane amount
of fears in our bodies and in our minds,
we tend to stop ourselves
from doing things that we truly love.
We tend to talk ourselves how out of situations
that we would otherwise love to be in.
We work really hard, but then stop to publish our work
because of something unknown fear.
This may be happening for you
and this may be happening for your client
and so I wanna give you one big tool
that hopefully will help you manage your fear much better.
And I use the word manage carefully here
because fear is mostly your unmanaged thinking.
It is when you have not taken the time
to really organize your mind and rationalize
why are you fearful of something.
Let's talk about a scenario, say, as a coach
your invited to speak at a forum or an event
and you very happily and gladly accept that invitation
you have always been waiting for a opportunity like this
and then finally you're getting an opportunity like this,
you say yes, hell yes, you're going to speak at this event.
Now, as the event comes closer, slowly
you realize that you are not fully ready
to go up there on stage and really make your presentation.
You scramble to put things together.
You made a PowerPoint presentation, and you're thinking
about how you will start the story
and what will be the middle and what will be the end.
And suddenly you find yourself overwhelmed
with the fear and anxiety of presenting on stage.
And you can see that your body is shaking
because you want to do a great job on stage
but now fear has taken over.
Have you been in a situation like that before?
Has it happened for you where you are so excited
about something but as the event got closer,
you found yourself in this pool of fear?
That you started making up scenarios
of what things may happen as you are preparing yourself
to create something that otherwise
should feel extraordinary and exciting?
Well, any fear is unregulated thinking.
Any fear is generated when you let your thinking run wild.
Let's expand on the example that I just gave.
Say you were invited to a stage
and you're about to make a presentation.
One of the things that may have happened
is as you're preparing your presentation,
the first kind of fear might kick in, the fear of loss.
You see, when we're about to do something, do something new
or even something that we may have done before,
one of the things that we tend to do
is start making up stories on what will happen
if the thing that you're doing does not work out.
Or the thing that you're trying to do
becomes a loss-making project for you.
Something where you lose confidence, name, faith, or money.
And because of that thinking, that unregulated thinking
that is creating this emotion in your body,
that is creating this thinking
where you're about to lose something soon enough
you find yourself crippled to be able to take action.
Fear of loss is created when we let our thinking run wild.
When we don't regulate it to really bring any reality
or concept of the truth to that thinking
and we just let thinking be.
You see, our minds are designed to protect us.
Our mind are there to be able to give us
the warning signal when it's required.
When you are about to make a big presentation,
your mind runs wild and starts coming up with stories
that how things may go wrong.
It's doing that because it's trying to save you
from making any effort in a direction
that is uncomfortable or unknown to your mind.
And because of that,
it's giving you all the negative possibilities
that are there in that scenario,
leading to you feeling like it is not going to work out
that you will lose this attempt.
That the effort that you're going to make
is not going to create great
and positive consequences in your life.
So because of your unregulated thinking,
your thinking going wild, you start to believe
that you are going to experience a loss.
And that may be one of the reasons why you may feel fear.
Now that you understand that one of the reason
why you may be so scared or fearful of a particular instance
and circumstance in your life is because of your thinking,
let's see if we can turn around that thinking
to something that is more positive and more affirmative.
You could be feeling fearful about something
because you may think that something will go wrong.
That there will be a loss, that you may lose something,
you may lose faith.
You may lose face, you may lose money.
You may lose something in that process.
Now, if we turn around that thinking
and start to focus our attention towards what do you gain,
what is it that you gain
from that particular experience that may seem
like that it is an experience that should scare you,
maybe there is something that is more exciting about it.
Research has shown that fear
and excitement show up in our body the same way.
If you reframe the feelings that we're feeling,
if you reframe what our body is feeling
from thinking about, oh, I'm scared of something
to I'm excited about something,
will have a different thinking response to it.
So my invitation for you is when you're feeling
the fear of loss, think about what is it that you may gain
if everything does work out.
You see, our mind will go unregulated
and keep telling us stories of loss to protect itself.
But if you regulate that thinking, if we start to think
about what are the different opportunities that may arise
or what are the different things that may happen
as a consequence of the work that you're putting
into something, you may start to diagnose,
oh, there are these things that may happen
that will lead you to a loss,
but there are these many more things that can happen
that would actually effectively give you a gain.
You see, any event or circumstance can be projected
into the future, thinking that you will lose something
as an outcome of this activity.
Or you can think yourself as you will gain something
as the outcome of the activity.
When we project into the future thinking about
what we can gain from the activity,
we are more excited.
We are more uplifted.
We are more ready to create a greater outcome for ourselves
and the people that we'll be impacting as a consequence,
to action that we're about to take.
Fear is perfectly in your control because it is
in control of how you think about something.
If you can change the way you think
you can turn your fear into excitement.
The second reason why you may experience fear
is because you're scared of the process of change.
You see, when we are going
through the experience of life, we are always changing.
We're always becoming better, but very often
the process of a big change may seem fearful.
Let's take an example of say a client of yours
is experiencing fear because they wanna lose weight
and as a process of losing weight
they feel fear because they feel like, ah,
if I have to lose weight, I have to probably eat foods
I don't like, or process of this is kind of the foods
that I'll have to avoid that I really, really love.
And so because of that, they may feel fear
because they don't like the process
of the change that they are going to experience
even if they want the outcome of that change
that they're creating in life.
So our intention as their coaches and ourselves
even if this is happening for ourselves in our lives,
is to bring attention towards how that that process
of change is not a process to be fearful off.
This is the process of how life gives you
more enhancements in your life.
How life gives you more energy
that every change is a process to create progress
in our life, is a process to experience life fully.
We may wanna ask ourselves and our clients
on what is it that is the intention
of living through a process.
If one of our clients want to lose 30 pounds
in the next coming several months,
they may see it as a process of hardship and struggle.
And we know through experience
that if they will see it as struggle,
they will gain all that way back in a matter of months.
But if they see that process as a way
for them to progress through life, if they see this process
as an enhancement, as something that is bringing
through more joy of life for them,
they'll be able to not only turn around their weight,
they will be able to keep it off
and keep a healthier lifestyle once they have gone
through the journey of that change in life.
Our intention should be to bring their attention
towards the beauty of life that will unfold in front of them
as they go through this process of change,
as they find experience and joy
of living through this process because as they live
through this process, they become a better human being
that they create a new identity for themselves
as being a part of this process.
Lastly, we are concerned and fear triggers in our bodies
because we have a certain expectation of an outcome.
When we set out to do something, when we set out
to create something, we set a benchmark for ourselves.
We say, oh, this is the outcome that I want.
And anything less than this outcome makes us feel defeated,
makes us feel like we didn't get the outcome that we wanted
and so we get scared of it.
We get scared of the outcome that hasn't even happened
because we feel there's a certain expectation
you have of the outcome.
And if you won't get that outcome,
you will not feel good enough,
that you will feel like a failure,
that you will feel that there was more to life
than you could get in that instance.
What do you may find for yourself and for your clients
is most of these expectations that we set for ourselves
are either by analogy or arbitrary.
That simply means that when these expectations are set,
they are in context of somebody else's life.
Or they just randomly being said
because that's just the number
that came to our mind at that moment
when we were setting that expectation.
Neither of those two ways of setting expectation is honest
to the person that is having that experience of life.
When you look at somebody else's experience of life
and compare yourself to them
and set an expectation based on that,
you are limiting your pure potential
because you are thinking of yourself
in comparison to somebody else, you could do so much better
if you leaned into your own pure potential.
And so there is no real reason have an expectation
that is in context to somebody else's journey.
And secondly, if you put an arbitrary number,
very often we have taken away from the possibility
of the universe to create greater outcomes for ourselves.
Because when we put an arbitrary number,
we may be putting a ceiling
on the possibility that is available to us.
We may also be trying to accelerate a timeline
that just needs a little bit more time
to meet your expectations.
So all these expectations that we may be putting
in front of us may be limiting us from today to take action
because we may be setting a wrong expectation of ourselves.
We are all highly potential human beings.
And if we do our work,
we all can have whatever we want or so I believe.
And because of that, when you set yourself up
to an expectation by comparison or through arbitrary reasons
you are really cutting yourself short,
you are not giving yourself the time
that you truly deserve to meet a particular goal.
And if you could take away that wrongful expectation
from yourself and just lean into the joy of creating,
to the joy of that process, to the joy of your new thinking,
to the new outcome, to being on stage,
to losing the weight, whatever that may be,
you will find that you can actually enjoy
the experience of life.
That you can live in the moment and really enjoy
the process of creating a new version of you,
eliminating any fear whatsoever.
You see, your attempt your focus towards creating
that perfect outcome
maybe getting in your way to take action.
And if you don't take action, there is no outcome.
So your current experience of fear is getting in the way
of creating the new version of you,
the greater version of you, and it may be happening
for your clients, your clients need for perfection
to the perfect outcome, to a particular outcome
that they truly desire.
Their aversion to possibility of a loss.
Their fear around change is nothing
but a function of their thinking.
And if you can invite them to a different thinking,
if you can bring them to the present
and invite them to bring their attention
towards the joy of change,
towards the joy of the experience,
towards the joy of action, fear will disappear.
Fear will melt away.
I really hope this video helps you melt away your fear
and gets you into action that you're able to sit back
and really reflect on why you're being fearful
of something that you otherwise can be excited about.
And I really hope that you move into excitement
and start taking action.
If you have any other strategies,
any other ideas to share with the tribe,
please leave that in the comment section below.
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Thank you so much for watching.
This is Ajit Nawalkha and you're watching this on Evercoach.