- Correct, Melissa,
the Odyssey is overrated.
And today we are going to talk about--
[loudly] Megan, Naomi!
How many times do I have to tell you
to stop talking in class?
- Sorry, Mr. Ferkiss.
- We'll be quiet.
- I've heard that one before.
I'm gonna have to separate you two, okay?
Megan,
go sit by the window.
- What?!
- No, please!
Mr. Ferkiss: You heard me!
Don't make me ask twice, say your goodbyes.
[emotional music]
- [melodramatically] I don't know how to say
goodbye to you.
You're like a sister to me.
- [melodramatically] This world is cruel and vast,
but our friendship can survive.
Here, take this parchment, dear sister.
Write me.
I will write you.
We will be together again some day.
[music continues]
- All right, let's keep it pushin'!
Both: [grunting in frustration]
- So dumb!
Megan: Sorry, excuse me.
Mr. Ferkiss: Okay, let's move on.
This week,
we're talking about Greek philosophy, okay?
- [melodramatically] Dearest Naomi,
I hope this letter finds you well.
I am writing to you from across the classroom.
Everything is strange and different.
I am seated directly beneath the vent;
I do so hope I shant catch a chill,
for the heathens and mongrels that surround me
will likely be of little help.
- Hey, tall girl,
I can't see.
- [normal voice] Oh, sorry.
Oh, I do so miss you,
dearest sister from another mister.
Love, Megan.
[music ends]
[parchment paper crinkling]
Mr. Furkiss: Odysseus couldn't get from Troy
all the way to Greece
on just his own little flippers,
am I right?
[chuckles]
And Homer knew that.
He was blind, but he wasn't, you know,
not on a boat.
That's what I always say.
Anyway--
♪♪
[parchment paper crinkling]
♪♪
- Dearest Megan,
your letter filled my heart with both joy and sorrow.
How I long for the days
where we would laugh together,
unhindered by the ominous and hateful eye
of Mr. Ferkiss.
- Part One of the Odyssey is mostly about...
- Speaking of, have you noticed that he
[normal, disgusted tone] totally has pit stains?!
- Boats.
Naomi: How embarr!
Mr. Ferkiss: Okay?
♪♪
[parchment paper crinkling]
♪♪
[music fades and carefree music begins]
- Precious Naomi,
I appear to have caught a chill
from the harsh climate
on this side of the classroom,
although the desk over here does come with a pen nook.
However, these things bring me no joy,
for I am without you.
- [sighs] My cherished friend Megan,
I apologize for not having written
in some time.
I come bearing delightful news!
I have just been asked to Spring Formal
by Jake Patelli.
- [chuckles awkwardly]
- He is kind and he is handsome
and he has a trampoline in his backyard.
Megan: Knowing that you are happy
brings me joy.
This is a monumental occasion and I shant miss it.
The world may try to keep us apart,
but I will find my way to you.
[intense adventure music plays]
[flapping of wings]
♪♪
[flapping of wings]
- If we are to reunite, we must do so
under the most secret of circumstances.
- 'Tis a risk I am willing to take,
for you are about to embark upon a new life
with Jake Patelli
and I must know if he is, like,
cute and stuff, you know?
- Yes, of course, but tread carefully;
the consequences could be far greater
than we imagined.
[thunder roars]
[music fades]
Mr. Ferkiss: Homer's Greek,
Plato's Greek,
Play-Doh is also a toy...
What is not a toy--
- Okay, he's cute.
- Right?!
- Yeah.
Mr. Ferkiss: Megan!
Naomi!
Detention!
- I was sharpening my pencil! - I didn't do anything-uh.
[quick clicking of heels on the ground]
- [exhales deeply]
Still got it.
[spinet chord]
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