-Uh...
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Two things... -Oh, my gosh.
-...before we get into, like, the meat and potatoes
of our historical -- -Oh, no, I feel like you're --
-No, I'm not gonna cause any problems.
[ Laughter ]
Not this time. -I think you already are.
-I sold over 400 million, so you correct yourself.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-And then, the other thing is, I just got these new grillz,
and if I start lisping, will you tell me?
[ Laughter ]
I'll take the bottoms out. -Let me see them.
Ooh, they're beautiful. -You like them?
-Yeah, I do love them a lot. -I designed them.
-You designed them? -Mm-hmm.
You like? You guys like?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yeah, if you start -- -They're my birthday grillz.
It's almost my birthday, so I got myself a pair of grillz.
-What do you get for the girl who has everything?
-Grillz. [ Laughter ]
-Grillz. Yeah.
Thank you for doing classroom instruments.
I wanted to get into -- There's so many things
I want to get into. -Any excuse to get next to you.
[ Laughter, cheers ]
This interview is gonna be all about flirtation and seduction.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-No, no, it's about "Finally Enough Love."
-But that's what I mean -- "Finally Enough Love."
That's, like, a segue into the title of my record.
-See? You're a pro. -I'm thinking about [bleep].
-Would you ever -- Could you ever --
Would you ever host this show if I was sick or something?
-God forbid. If you were sick,
and even if you weren't sick, I would host the show.
I think maybe you should take a break for a week.
[ Laughter ]
Would you guys like it if I came and hosted a show?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Don't clap that loud! Don't clap that loud.
-We could have fun. -Yeah.
-We could have fun. -We always have fun.
-No, but we could have more fun without you.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, my God!
-'Cause you're like the dad that we can't have fun with.
[ Laughter ]
-50 number ones, by the way.
Man, oh, man, that is a lot. -It is.
It's a whole lot of dancing. -It is a lot of dancing.
-Uh-huh. -When you first heard people
dancing to your music, did that flip you out?
Did you trip out? -Yeah.
The first time, I was always going to a club
called Danceteria. I don't know if anybody's
ever heard of that. -Absolutely.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Back in the dinosaur age of the '80s.
And, yeah, I would bring my cassette tapes to the D.J.s
and drive them all crazy. I was relentless.
And they would see me and run.
Because I just wanted them to play my cassette.
-Yeah. -So, I found this one D.J.
who thought I was cute -- and, um, he's dead now.
And, um -- [ Laughter ]
-Well, rest in peace.
[ Laughter ]
You could've left that out of the story, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
-But pretty much everybody from that time is dead now.
But that's another story. Anyhoo.
-When do you want to start hosting?
[ Laughter ]
Whenever you're ready. If this is the type of humor
you're gonna bring, America will love it.
[ Laughter ] Unbelievable.
-Listen, we're living in some dark times.
I'm gonna bring levity to these people.
-That's exactly right. That's what we want.
-Okay, but wait. [ Cheers ]
I want to tell you. When I finally got this guy,
Mark Kamins to play my cassette.
It was a song called "Everybody."
It's on this record. -Yeah.
-And I swear to God, I had to promise
everything to him to get it played.
And when he played it, everybody got up
and started dancing to it, and it blew my mind.
I mean, seriously, like, that was everything to me.
-Did you think for a second, "Oh, what if they don't dance?
What if everyone's like, 'This is terrible'?"
-That never entered my -- my -- [ Laughter ]
-The Madonna brain. -My cabeza.
-Yeah, exactly. Yeah, cabeza.
-That's Spanish, by the way. -Yeah, thank you.
[ Laughter ] I'm learning so much from you.
Unbelievable.
But, you know, I was looking through this.
It also comes with -- if you get this package,
it comes with all these great liner notes
and all the stories behind stuff.
"Like a Virgin," by the way, when you released that,
it wasn't supposed to be your first --
that wasn't gonna be the single. -No.
-Nile Rodgers wanted it to be "Material Girl."
-He did. And I don't --
Yeah, somehow "Like a Virgin" ended up being --
Those were the days when I had no say in anything.
Can you imagine those days even existing?
[ Laughter ] -No.
But I've never dealt with you not getting what you want.
-I don't know why they chose "Like a Virgin,"
because I thought it was, you know, quite controversial.
But it turned out that the controversial thing
wasn't the song itself, it was my performance
on the MTV Awards -- the first MTV Awards
that ever got -- yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
Did you see that? -Of course I saw that.
-I did that show, and I walked down
these very steep stairs of a wedding cake,
and I got to the bottom, and I started dancing around,
and my white stiletto pumps fell off.
And I was trying to do, like, this smooth move, like,
dive for the shoe and make it look like it was choreography.
-Yeah. -And my dress flipped up,
and my butt was showing. [ Laughter ]
Can you imagine? -Oh, my God.
-Those were the days when you shouldn't
show your butt to have a career. -Yeah.
-Now it's the opposite. -Yeah.
-But -- -You did it.
-No, but it happened by accident.
And when I -- I didn't even know my butt was showing.
It wasn't even, like, the whole butt.
It was just like a butt cheek. Like, half a butt cheek.
-Enough butt to cause a controversy.
-Yeah, but when I went backstage,
my manager told me my career was over with.
-Wow. -I feel I'm lisping right now.
-No. -Am I lisping?
-No, I'm used to this. -Tell me the truth.
-No, if you -- -You're used to people
lisping on your show? -No, I used to --
-You're used to me lisping? -This is not lisping, but it is,
now and then, you do "thish."
-Do I have a lisp? -But I'm used to it,
and I kind of like it. -I'm taking it off.
-No, don't! No, no, leave it in.
It looks cool. -I can take the bottom one out.
-No I like it. Leave it all in.
It all sounds good. I don't want any --
-People have a problem with my grillz.
I don't know why. -Why?
-I don't know. -You've been wearing them
for a while, since I've known you.
-Decades. -Yeah.
And what got you into that?
-I just like the way it looks. Mouth jewelry.
And I have really ugly teeth. -You do?
-Yeah. -I don't think you do.
-Don't agree with me. [ Laughter ]
-No, I mean -- No, no, I meant to say --
No, I wasn't -- [ Rimshot ]
No, no! It was a question!
It was a question, saying, "You do?"
-Give me your hand. -Oh, my God!
[ Laughter ] No, it was a question like,
"Uh, you do?" You do?
'Cause I think you have -- -Yeah, it's all in the delivery.
-I love your teeth. -See, when I host the show,
I'm gonna make sure my guests feel really comfortable.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, my God!
I don't think you will do that ever.
-I'm not gonna shame them. -You've never made me
feel comfortable one time you've been here.
-I've never made you feel -- [bleep]
-Not one time you've never made me feel comfortable.
[ Laughter ]
You like the way I said "comfortable"?
-I'm cracking myself up.
[ Laughter ]
-Was there ever a time -- -I said [bleep]
-Yeah, comfortable. If you, what do you call that?
[ Laughter ]
Do we have to bleep that out now?
-No. -We might have to now.
I think you just invented a new word.
Can you say -- -Comfortable?
-Well, you just said a different word.
[ Laughter ] -[Bleep]
-Stop saying that.
-♪ You put the [bleep] in "country" ♪
[ Laughter ]
Let's stay on track. -That is not a song, by the way.
-Let's talk about music. -Yeah, let's talk about music.
But I do want to ask you this. Serious question.
If Madonna wasn't Madonna,
was there any moment where you were like, "You know what?
Entertainment industry is not for me.
I'm going to blank."
What would you do? -I'm going to blank?
[ Light laughter ]
Geez, Louise.
I don't know.
I think I'd probably be a schoolteacher.
-Is that right? -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] -I could see you doing that.
-I'd have a very popular class.
It would be controversial. [ Laughter ]
It would be challenging.
I'd probably end up in jail. -Yeah, of course you would.
Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-We have Elvis Costello on the show tonight along with you.
And I was saying to you -- [ Cheers and applause ]
As I was talking to you --
We were doing the great bit. Thank you for doing that.
I said, "Elvis Costello's on the show,"
and you go, "You know, I practice my drumming
to Elvis' records." -That is correct.
When I first -- When I decided to be a singer,
I moved to a synagogue in Queens 'cause that's what you do.
[ Laughter ]
No, it was a -- it was where this band lived.
It was obviously not an active synagogue.
And they practiced in the synagogue.
And I was dating one of the singers in the band.
And they had all their equipment in the basement.
And I thought, "What am I gonna do all day?
I might as well just learn how to play an instrument
or something, right?
So I started to play the drums,
and I found some Elvis Costello records.
And that's how I learned to play the drums...
-No way. -...to his music.
-And here we are tonight. -And I became a damn good
drummer, but please don't ask me to play the drums.
I don't want to make you feel bad.
[ Laughter ] Okay?
-See? [ Cheers and applause ]
No, I'm really a good drummer, but the thing is,
I haven't practiced, and these are not good drumming shoes.
But one day, let's have a showdown, throw down.
-Yeah, really? -Hoedown.
-All right, let's get into that.
More with Madonna when we come back, everybody.
We're gonna talk about this. [ Cheers and applause ]