welcome one and all in here out there everybody watching from around the world
I'm your host Stephen Colbert it is day one Welcome to The Late Show it is day one
following the 2022 midterm elections and we are not live we're not live
in fact I am barely awake bit of a late night and an early morning
leading up to last night we all hear at the show we love doing the live shows you know yes it's
it's like it's it's a tightrope walk is what it is we've been looking forward to the show for
weeks uh working hard getting excited making the scripts of course building up to the big moment
last night I personally had a lot of anxiety about what was going to have to come out of my mouth
as jokes about the results because as a performer there are three things you don't want to follow
animals children or a fascist takeover of your country it's just not Cabaret aside
Cabaret aside but as she turns out it wasn't as
bad as the people who make money off of fear wanted us to fear it would be
okay it's employed it's a lot of money there's a lot of coin case in point in Pennsylvania
and one of the most closely watched races of the evening John fetterman won his Center race against
come on
in celebration fetterman wore his formal hoodie
now uh the elections just happened we have no confirmation yet on what his committee assignments
may be but I think it's safe to say fetterman is a lock for Senate bouncer Dr Oz Dr Oz uh losing
this one is a huge blow for the far right of Pennsylvania which in Oz's case is New Jersey
all the way to the right all the way GOP is trying to figure out why Oz lost the race Fox
news's Steve Ducey had a compelling Theory when it comes to the state of Pennsylvania
why did Dr Oz Lose well it looks like according to the exit polling it's because fetterman won
foreign
thank you for that brilliant analysis
now you might be asking why is Steve Ducey so dumb well according to scientists it's
because he's not smart there you go much of the those are the words she said those words
the uninformed much of the blame for this loss is falling on former president Colonel Slanders
he endorsed Dr Oz over a much more establishment candidate and according
to Maggie Haberman the express was Furious this morning particularly about Mehmet Oz
and is blaming everyone who advised him to back Oz including his wife describing it
as not her best decision okay but it's also not her worst decision to be fair to be fair
it's lovely lovely Pennsylvania also had a race for governor and the winner
was not far-right Christian Nationalist and Lex Luthor who really let himself go
Doug mastriano mastriano got absolutely curb stomped in his race against Democratic candidate
Josh Shapiro and yet he refuses to concede well that's that's actually no surprise mastrono
also hasn't yet conceded the Civil War losses in Pennsylvania were just one part of a disappointing
night for the GOP on average in midterm elections the party out of power usually picks up 29
seats in the house but this year Republican gains could be as low as single digits which
yes yes voters gave them a single digit [Applause]
these results is a crisp nut punch to Republican optimism leading up into this
election for instance before all the ballots were counted Don Jr tweeted simply Bloodbath
that did not age well reminds me of what General Custer tweeted right
before a Little Bighorn this is going to be awesome ow I just got shot in the head
so while the GOP did make modest gains the massive Victory they predicted never
materialized this morning's headline said it best the vaunted Red Wave never hit the shore
in midterm elections that's not a red wave and the Red Wave was more like a pink Splash yes a
pink Splash it was a it was a it was a salmon drizzle a Rosy wash it's like what happens when
you accidentally wash your clan robes with your magaad just a little pink a pink wash
once again once again
once again people are pointing the finger at the former president including Elisa Farah Griffin
who used to work for him in the White House this is the time that the Republican party
needs to ask themselves are they going to continue to nominate poor can't poor quality
candidates to appease Donald Trump if you want the Republican party to thrive we've got to just
finally speak out and say this man is a loser okay that's not fair he's also a fascist pervert
the Senate 99 deadlift balloons the Senate is uh is it still up for grabs anything new still up
for grabs uh and it's going to remain that way for quite a while uh thanks to three key races
Arizona where we still don't have a call on who won the senate race between Democratic nominee
and grown-up Caillou Mark Kelly and extremist Republican Blake Masters seen here on karaoke
night singing Deutschland Uber Alice foreign the big difference the big difference between these
two is this Mark Kelly is an astronaut while Blake Masters is the same minus the try not
we're also
Gotta Wait gotta wait it out it's a stroker that's a stroker
we're also waiting for the results from Nevada where there's a tight
race between Democratic incumbent and woman who will win the staring contest
Catherine Cortez masto and Republican Challenger and fully erect forehead Adam laxaltz [Applause]
we're not going to know the winner anytime soon because Nevada officials are still
receiving mail-in ballots which by State law can be counted if they arrive as late
as Saturday but everybody knows time passes quickly in Vegas I mean you go
to kill 10 minutes of the blackjack table next thing you know it's two weeks later
and you're made to our French Canadian contortionist from Cirque du Soleil
but the senate race Everyone's Watching is the Georgia Throwdown between Republican candidate and
pretend Sheriff of football Town Herschel Walker and incumbent Senator Rafael Warnock seen here
seen here being told he's tied with the pretend Sheriff of football Town Herschel Walker
as of this morning neither candidate had 50 of the vote so by Georgia law the race will go to
a runoff a lucky break for Herschel because according to many women and children he's got
a lot of experience running off we got a great show for you tonight my guest is Rose McIver
and I'll give Bono Colbert questionnaire but when we come back the cast of Black
Honda forever will answer just one question stick around y'all [Applause] [Music] [Applause]