-Was it Nathaniel Thurm?
Was that -- Was that his name?
The sweaty -- -Nathan Thurm.
-Nathan Thurm. -Nathan Thurm would be
a great character for right now.
-Except Nathan Thurm feels shame.
You know what I mean? Like, Nathan --
I was actually thinking, like, now, nobody sweats
during interviews because people just, like, lie
with no sense of repercussion.
-Yes. No, that is very true.
But the approach of Nathan Thurm was deny, deny...
-Yes. -...deny.
"No, I didn't. You think I did?
That's so funny you think that."
"No, we saw you do it." "You saw me do it?"
"Yeah." "I know that.
You don't think know that?"
"I saw you do it," you know? So he would deny.
And then, when cornered, reverse and pretend he always knew.
Sound familiar?
And then he would lash out at the interviewer.
-That's true. Now it's like a rule,
like a how-to book that's being followed.
-It is exactly a how-to book.
It's like, Christopher Guest was doing the news update,
and I'd always say, "I know that.
You don't think I know that? I mean, I was there.
And by the way, why do I even listen to you?
'Cause you're so bland and boring with nothing to offer."
So it's exactly what the Washington people, types do.
-Where did you -- Where did you come up with Nathan Thurm,
that typed of character? -Nathan Thurm was a --
There was a head of makeup that year.
Marion Siebert. And Marion was the most
offensive human being you had ever seen in your life.
-[ Laughing ] -You'd sit there --
She'd look at you, sit in the chair, she'd dab.
"You like tired." "Thank you."
-[ Laughs ] -"None of your features match.
This is tough for me." [ Grumbles ]
-[ Laughs ] -Negative energy.
And finally I'd say, "Marion, gee,
I look a little pale, don't I"? And she'd say, "I know that.
You don't think I know that? I'm a makeup artist.
I would know that." And she always chain-smoked.
So, Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest
and Harry and I,
were gonna write a piece satirizing "60 Minutes."
And I was gonna play Nathan Thurm.
We made him -- He was gonna be the defense lawyer
who always represents the bad guy.
I think, in that case, his name was Ping E. Lee.
That was the bad guy. -[ Laughs ]
-Anyway, I was his lawyer. I didn't know how to play it.
And Billy Crystal said, "Why don't you do it
as Marion Siebert.
You impersonate her behind her back all the time anyway."
And I said, "No, but I'll get caught."
He said, "Ah, you won't get caught.
No one -- They never know," he said.
She always got the same brand. She always chain-smoked.
And I got the same brand of cigarette she smoked,
except I put a wire down the middle of mine,
so as I smoked it, the ash would never, ever fall off, you know?
-[ Laughing ]
And then I'd go down to the set, and I'd forget that Marion
is going to be there, because she's the head of makeup.
So she's over there with her cigarette.
I'm here with my cigarette. They go, "Action."
Harry Shearer's playing Mike Wallace.
Says, "Mr. Thurm. Now, I-I-I believe that
you know that you're misrepresenting your client."
And I'd say, "I know that. You don't think I know that?
I'm a lawyer. I would know that."
And the director goes, "Cut. He's sweating."
And Marion says, "I know that. You don't think I know that?
I'm a makeup artist. I can see that."
-[ Laughs ] -So it was insane.
-[ Laughing ] -It was insane.
And she finally found out. Her assistant got drunk
after the last show and said, "How stupid are you, Marion?
Don't you know you're Nathan Thurm?
Everybody else does!"
And she confronted me at the final party.
And I said, "Marion...you know,
impersonation is the highest form of compliment."
And she said, "I know that. You don't think I know that?
I know that." -[ Laughing ]
I was sad about the fact that I know you and Steve
are on tour all the time now. -Yes.
-Worldwide.
Obviously, this is not a time to tour,
but you guys are doing a show together.
A Hulu show, correct? -Yes.
"Only Murders in the Building."
And we play --
It's kind of like "The Handmaid's Tale,"
except for everything. -[ Laughs ] Oh, good.
-And it's about two people who live in an apartment building
in New York, and they don't know each other.
They kind of see each other in the elevator occasionally.
And, um...
But you see them going to their individual apartments
and obsessed with true-crime stories.
And then, there is a murder in the building,
and they want to solve it.
But because they're old and tired, they say,
"Well, only murders in the building.
-[ Laughs ]
-"If it's a murder down the street,
we don't want to solve it." -[ Laughs ]
-And you know what? Steve is going to play
all the chalk outlines on the show, which I think --
You know. -Because he's so pale.
-Pale. Listen, he puts sunscreen on at night.
-[ Laughs ]
Obviously, if you start in the fall,
you'll have to take measures.
Will you socially distance on set?
Will that be hard for you? Will that be hard for Steve?
-Well, Steve is socially and emotionally distant for years.
And, no, the banjo helps him, though to socially distance.
[ Both laugh ]
No, I think it's a very -- it's a very cagey idea
to have two 70-year-olds start a new series
during a pandemic in Manhattan.
But what could go wrong?
-[ Laughs ] -I'm excited.
We'll be conducting temperature checks.
-Mm-hmm. -And the old-fashioned way,
may I add, because as you know,
and as you've said many times, Seth, rectums don't lie.
-[ Laughs ] It is one of my --
It's one of my go-tos. -Yeah.
-I want to congratulate you, Marty.
You're a grandfather.
Can you tell us anything about your --
-I am a first --
-Life as a Hollywood grandfather?
-I am a -- Well, yes.
Hollywood grandfather's are a little different.
You know, for example,
I didn't see the baby yesterday because he had pilates.
You know, it's a different --
But it's very exciting to have -- I don't know --
the pitter-patter of little feet around.
It's like having David Spade over.
You know? -[ Laughing ]
-It's my first grandchild. Theodore Andrew.
-Theodore Andrew. -Of Oliver and Alyssa short.
They call me every Sunday,
according to my iPhone's missed calls.
-[ Laughing ]
-Marty, I want to get you out of here so you have time
to turn over to CBS to catch James.
I love you, Marty. Thank you for being here.
-I love you, Seth, more than any human being in the world,
other than some of my kids. -[ Laughs ]