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Welcome back to Lavendaire.
My name is Aileen, and if you're new here:
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And Coco just wanted to come in the frame here.
So we're babysitting Coco for the week.
Usually she's with my boyfriend's parents, but they're out of town this week and she's staying with me here.
So today we're talking about how to deal with self criticism,
how to stop being so hard on yourself, how to stop putting that pressure on yourself.
And I know a lot of you out there can relate.
This is something that I personally still struggle with, because I tend to be an achiever.
I like to succeed.
I mean, who doesn't?
But it becomes negative when it's something that you want so bad
that you put this unnecessary pressure and it just becomes a negative force in your life
that's really bringing you down and not doing you any service.
I feel like any time that I'm not super productive or on my A game,
I'm feeling bad about not being productive and on my A game.
And it's not necessarily healthy to put that – I don't know – guilt on yourself.
For example: I recently went traveling to China, so when I came back I was jet lagged.
And I went to a convention, and at that convention I learned so many things.
And even from my trip, I learned so many things.
I wrote down so many notes.
And I have a long list of to-do items, a lot of things that I want to do
and there's been a lot of goals that I've had in my mind.
And it just frustrates me because I see so many things that I want to do,
but physically I'm not doing it
or I'm being very slow at doing it or I'm procrastinating at doing it.
And it's these times where I just put that pressure on myself
because I feel bad for not being as on top of things as I want to be.
And that just adds to feeling even more bad about not being on your A game.
So I think it's really easy, with social media, to see someone else's life,
their highlight reel of their life,
and put them on a pedestal and feel sorry about yourself.
Kind of like, "Ugh, I'm not that productive right now,"
or "I'm not that stylish," or "I'm not that…" whatever it is, fill in the blank,
and make yourself feel smaller than that other person.
So that's part of what makes you feel like shit, basically,
just comparing yourself to all these glamorous feeds on social media.
And the other part is just my personal stigma of always wanting to achieve
and be successful and I "should" always be on my A game.
But in reality, nobody is perfect.
Nobody is always super productive or super creative all the time.
It's just that self-imposed judgment that I "should" be productive,
I "should" be working harder, I "should" be doing this or that, and I'm physically not.
Maybe I just felt like I'm in a low point, I'm less motivated,
whatever it may be, just being hard on myself for that.
So how do we deal with all this pressure that we put on ourselves?
I've put together a list and please, in the comments, feel free to continue this list
because I feel like I always need reminders and tips on how to deal with this self criticism.
So #1: Remember that we are our own worst critics.
Usually your situation is not as bad as you think it is in your head.
Really, we look at ourselves like – you will notice all your flaws
and you will emphasize and blow those flaws out of proportion, compared to what other people see.
Half of it is realizing that your perspective is biased
because you are your own worst critic, so you're going to be harder on yourself.
And the other half is realizing that the other people around you,
they are not perfect, as well.
They are also going through similar struggles or even worse struggles.
Everybody has their own stories and their own battles.
So just learning to not judge yourself and not judge others,
I think we would all be happier if we could just judge less.
#2: Understand and embrace that you have cycles in your life.
You have cycles of ups and downs.
You have winters (low points) and summers, which are high points.
I've mentioned this in a previous video before, and I got this from Rebecca Campbell,
the author of "Light is the New Black", who I had on my podcast, by the way.
She just talked about how we have seasons and cycles in our life,
just like the seasons of Earth, you know?
So just honoring and embracing these cycles, that you're not always going to be super productive,
super creative, super amazing all the time, because that would be summer all year long.
But just understand that there are ebbs and flows of life.
You're gonna have your down times and your times to be slower, reflect on yourself,
and kind of hibernate a little bit before you can come out again and be your best, ultimate self.
It's kind of like this continuous cycle of being the cocoon to the butterfly,
and then another cocoon and another butterfly.
Just imagine yourself continually changing and transforming,
and being okay with that, being okay with the cycles,
embracing the low points as well as the high points, and just understanding that it's just all natural.
#3: Forgive yourself for being hard on yourself.
You gotta just find a way to take that pressure and let it go.
Forgive yourself because you don't want to feel guilty about putting yourself down.
And you just make it worse because, you know, too many negative emotions there.
You want to bring love and compassion into your space, embrace who you are,
and just treat yourself as if you were treating your friend who's going through a tough time.
You know, you wouldn't put your friend down for not doing as well as they wanted to.
You just give them love and support.
So just give that love, support, compassion to yourself.
And any pressure that you've put on yourself, any anxiety or fear, just let it go.
Let it go.
Easier said than done, I know.
#4 is a hack that will help you release that pressure.
It's to take care of your body.
So give yourself exercise and eat right.
So I know it's a boring tip, but it's just a hack that works in so many situations.
If you take care of your physical body, your mental being, your mental state will improve as well.
So your mind will be clearer, you'll be happier, you'll feel more inspired and more motivated.
It's just strange that when you physically move your body,
you bring more energy into your physical body,
but you also bring more energy into everything else, like your creativity, your mind, your soul.
For example: For me, I had not exercised in like a month
and I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious and all of this.
And then a couple days ago, I went to take a yoga class, the first yoga class for over a month.
And immediately, after the class, I just felt this new energy in me and I felt a clearing.
And I think that, if you are stuck, or if you are feeling low, unmotivated, or slow,
definitely take care of your body because the physical will fuel everything else.
#5: Turn off social media.
It's okay to delete those social media apps just to get away from it and find yourself again.
It's okay to unfollow those accounts that make you feel like crap.
So next time that you're scrolling social media,
you notice yourself feeling bad after seeing someone else's post,
it's okay to unfollow them, you know?
It doesn't hurt them and it does you more good than anything else.
I got inspired by this from Melyssa Griffin, actually.
I've had her on my podcast before.
Melyssa Griffin follow zero people on Instagram and at first glance,
you might think that's weird, it's kind of a douche move.
But she explained why she does that.
When she follows people, she absorbs everyone's content
and she feels like she loses her own voice.
So for her, it's better to not follow anyone and just focus on creating from her authentic self.
And I thought it was a great idea.
It's okay to unfollow people.
It's okay to do whatever needs to be done for your own mental well-being.
#6 – and this is a journaling prompt that you can do after this video – is to ask yourself:
What are the things that I have now that I once wished for?
It's remembering that you've achieved some things in your life,
you have things now that you once dreamed of having.
And if that is the case, then in the future you will have more of what you want now, and it just takes time.
And also, just reminding yourself that you've accomplished things that you can be proud of.
This will help you realize how far you've already come in your life,
everything that you have now that you didn't have before.
And it's just a great reminder that you have things that you've accomplished and are proud of in your past,
and that's something really awesome that you should feel great about.
I think that, when you focus on the wins and the victories that you've had,
it boosts your self confidence, it boosts your mood,
and you realize that there's no need to put that pressure on yourself.
There's no need to feel bad about yourself, that eventually,
if you keep trying, you are going to continue to do great things.
And it's only a matter of time and effort, and you know,
you should be supportive of yourself in this journey, rather than putting yourself down.
And after you come up with this list, just find gratitude for
all of these things that you do have now, that you once wished for,
because gratitude will shift your perspective and it will make you feel like, "Oh, I have so much."
I have so many things that I'm grateful for now that I once wished for.
Honestly, my entire life now was once a dream back then,
and I once wished that I could make videos on YouTube.
And I once wished that I could have my own apartment
and decorate it so pretty and the way that I wanted to.
There's just so many things that I have now that I once wished for.
And focusing on that makes me feel so much better than what I don't have
and all that negative pressure, it doesn't matter.
Just support yourself on this journey.
My last tip for you on how to deal with self criticism is to simply find something that brings you joy,
do that thing, and forget everything else.
This could be a little creative hobby that you're doing on the side,
or just some thing that makes you happy.
What's important is that it's something that you could lose yourself in and you could put all your energy in,
so that when you're doing that thing that makes you happy,
you really forget about that pressure and that criticism and all of that judgment.
You forget about that because you're so focused on enjoying the moment.
So for me, it's things like playing piano, singing, even cooking and cleaning.
Lately, I just feel like I am meditating as I'm cooking, I'm meditating as I'm doing makeup.
When I'm doing those things, I lose sense of time
and I'm so focused on it that it makes me forget all this judgment and overwhelm.
So find something that brings you joy, do that, and forget everything else.
And with all the other tips, I hope that this helped you learn
to deal with your self criticism and learn to stop being so hard on yourself.
I know it's not straightforward, but definitely,
if you have tips of your own, do share in the comments below.
I'd also love to know your answer to that prompt:
What do you have now that you once wished you had?
Because that's so cool, right?
That we have things now that were once a dream and a wish.
It just makes you believe that dreams do come true.
And I am that cheesy person that says things like that.
I hope you liked this video.
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And that's it!
Have a beautiful day.
I wish you well.
Bye!