I created a lot of attention, a lot of tensions. I would tell people "just you know,
just, look get to the point" or "what is it you want?" or
"why don't you just say that in the first place?" In my brain, it just feels like a
swirling amount of volcano shooting out ideas and emotions in random pieces and they just activate.
To me, autism is when your brain is wired differently. So you see the world, feel the world,
hear the world, taste the world in a completely different light to everybody else. Causing your
brain to work and think differently than others. It may be I have more sensitive ears or maybe I
like chewing things. Chewing things just soothes me and it helps calm the anger, which is a major
part of my autism. Having a diagnosis at an early age really helped me. My mum thought I might have
some additional needs when I was about 14 months old, when I started to walk, partly
because of my behaviour. Some of the autistic traits I had as a child were not liking change,
I've got an amazing memory, I didn't use eye contact, I was very repetitive. These have
followed me into adulthood along with further traits which I never knew were autism-related.
I was diagnosed as an adult, in 2018, and so all my life I basically had no
idea of the condition. It came about because of employment really.
All my life I've worked and had some wonderful roles
and then there came a point where I was out, I was out of work. I picked up my C.V.
and I started looking at all the jobs I'd done and each and every one of them, I had a social
tension somewhere in that environment. During my school days, my autism was more apparent to me
as I knew I was different to most of my peers. I found it very difficult to be able to communicate
with my peers as I could not initiate or be able to sustain conversations.
However my autism provided me with a good memory for school studies, and enabled me to gain nine
GCSE's and three A-levels. From a very young age, I had fine motor skills. I couldn't speak properly
until I was seven years old. I used to lash out at other children at school because I was really
frustrated because of my lack of communication. In my brain, it just feels like a swirling
amount of volcano, shooting out ideas and emotions in random pieces and they just activate. So we
have meltdowns which looks like him screaming, shouting, sometimes he lashes out. He can throw
himself around. Also though, there's an amazing side. You have this amazing ability to notice the
smallest details in things and he has an amazing memory - he remembers things from when he was kind
of a year and a half old. When someone's talking to me, I kind of understand what they want to say
straight away and I'm waiting for them just to say it but they're creating this whole story,
this whole bubble of information, and I'm busy, I know I have to get back to what I'm doing
and at the same time I have to, kind of like, sit there patiently and wait for them to actually get
to the punch line and it's annoying the hell out of me. Anyway, bottom line, I created a lot of
tensions. I would tell people "just you know, just get to the point" or "what is it you want?" or
"why don't you just say that in the first place?" There were problems with social
relationships and dealing with normal human behaviour in the workplace that
I struggled with for many years and that's what led me to seek a diagnosis of autism.
I moved into secondary education in September 2006 and this is when the cracks started to appear.
I realized I had no friends and the bullying started. It was horrendous and I couldn't get
away from it. When I was 13, I was admitted into a CAMHS impatient unit following a breakdown from
the ongoing bullying. I had another breakdown and was admitted to a further inpatient unit
where I received a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. I often feel the world is unpredictable
and confusing. I encounter anxiety on a daily basis and this impacts on my everyday life.
Currently I am not able to travel independently and I always require support from a carer.
Some things I like are: helping at my local stables, my cat Merlin, playing the piano.
Also my two-year-old nephew Dylan and
seven-month-old niece Astrid. So I drive and I stick by every speed limit, absolutely!
I get road rage when people break the rules on the roads. Some things I don't like are: rude people
and people making assumptions. They assume I can't make eye contact. I can (I will do through the
video!) and I don't like to be touched or hugged (I do!) and I'm not sociable - well I think I am.
As you can see on my back wall here, I love art! I love to draw. This was probably one of my first
pictures, 98. Beautiful picture. The Bathos from William Hogarth, British artist,
but I'm going to show you some of the stuff that doesn't get a chance to see the light of day!
This one here, talking a little bit about the speed and in my mind, at the
speed of mind, when someone really is trying to understand the speed of mind. In my case,
I like to get here as quickly as possible. In conversation. In behaviour.
All the wishy-washy stuff on the back, around the sides - not interested.
I just like to get straight to the point in everything I do basically. No time to waste!
This one: very personal, very intricate as well. A little bit about my head and the
amount of stuff that goes through the head when you're processing information. Particularly when
someone's explaining something to you and looking at this rather blank expression on
your face. Well, that's pretty much what's going on. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not but
the mind has a lot to process at all times. This one probably one of the most direct
in understanding the difference in thinking that I have, and it just goes into so much
detail about the way I see the world, and the way I deal with the world. It all really does
emphasize how useful it is to get your emotions out of your head and onto paper. I stopped trying
on different versions of myself and accepted my autism. I learned all about sensory overload and
this is where my self-harm stemmed from. I know different strategies to use, such as white noise
and lava lamps, and my self-harm has massively reduced. When Tide was diagnosed with autism,
it was a bit of a roller-coaster. It's a battle of emotions really. You know something's not
quite right and then eventually when you do get that diagnosis, there's this huge relief of
'oh okay, so there is something wrong with my son, other people are seeing it.
Here's the chance for him to get the support and the help he needs' but at the same time you do
feel a bit like you've hit a brick wall because there's this reality check there of actually yes,
my child now has this label. He's not the same as everybody else, he is going to have difficulties.
It's a real mixed bag of emotions. We looked at the NHS site, we looked at the National Autistic
site. I also started to attend support groups for parents with autistic children, autistic adults,
just to get a better view of how Tide saw the world and how I could best support him.
Some of the things that I find helpful are: people explaining why rules are in place in a way that I
can relate to, having familiar people with me in new places. Being with people who understand me,
my diagnosis and how it affects me because I don't want to be treated any differently to anyone else.
If I do something wrong, I don't want them to say "oh we've got to be careful", I want them to say
"actually you've done that wrong, you've got to do it better next time and you've got to
do it this way next time" and then I'll know for next time to improve that. So I'd rather they be
outspoken and honest with me. The bottom line is this: when you behave in a very erratic way
in the workplace. It could be a comment, a flippant comment you make to somebody,
it could be something you brush aside with no emotion (I'm talking about myself),
you can't help but being looked at as a bit of a strange one, you know 'he's a bit strange,
that was a bit weird wasn't it?" You know that's just going to happen, that's human
nature. Don't get offended, don't get surprised, but I'll tell you this:
the moment you say "actually I'm a diagnosed autistic person", the tolerance levels change in
others. They can take more of your peculiarities, so that is definitely a huge difference:
when you look at the past and you look at now. I believe my diagnosis of autism is very positive
as it has enabled me over many years to develop a good understanding about how autism impacts
me on a personal level. I would love to explore different places around the world and to be able
to travel with support, including to be able to travel across the United States and Canada.
One of my big dreams is to go outdoor skydiving.
The future goal is to live more independently but that's definitely for the future. I live with my
parents at the moment and really enjoy, really enjoying that. So yeah, living independently is
definitely the future. I am now living in my own house in the community with support. I am attending
college to study my Level 2 in Catering and I work as an expert by experience to strive for
better care for autistics and mental health. Autistic people have many important strengths
and great potential to succeed through their own personal talents. With the right support
from people who take the time to listen and to understand our own individual needs.
Autism needs everyone in society to come together and to have more understanding. We are not broken,
we are unique. I know that many autistic females have a later diagnosis.
Often they are an adult and this makes me feel so sad. To think there are possibly so many females
out there struggling, who don't know that they are autistic or they cannot get a formal diagnosis. To
think that they are continually masking, which has profound effects on their mental health
and their own identity, is devastating. Phobias and sensory needs are serious.
Please don't underestimate them and always try to understand.
Treat us as equals but also as individuals. We are not defined by our diagnosis. Ask for help,
give yourself space, allow yourself to be autistic. If people cannot accept you,
well that's their problem not yours. It's worth, as an individual, just taking time to really
get, you know knuckle down on the specifics, on what really is difficult for you,
what are the challenges? Take that with you to your autism assessment,
talk about that. Just interrogate that, dissect that more because ultimately you're really
getting to know yourself in a new way and that is what it's all about. It's exciting!
It's exciting and I'll tell you something: the end game is much better than the beginning!
You have the right, just like everyone in the world, to be you and live your life to the full.
Seek help if you need it. Don't be embarrassed. Don't be ashamed.
"Go! Oooh!" (laughter).
"Oh get him back on his pole!" "So here is a book I made of my dream holiday: Australia. The
three things I really wanted to do was: go to the Neighbours set (which you can see here).I
also went to see kangaroos - as you can see here I got to feed them!" "I won't go into the meaning of
this picture but it's quite personal to me and something I do actually love to do. This one here,
slightly more graphic I guess and yes it is the heart being torn out. It's a picture of me and it
was a time when I was in love with a young lady that just never loved me back. What can I say?!"