- One of you actually mailed this to me.
Thanks for the nightmares.
So, growing up we all had a favorite toy.
Maybe it was a doll or an action figure,
or even a video game.
But, whatever it was was probably family friendly,
and made your childhood happier.
But not all toys are like that.
No. Not at all.
In fact, some children's toys are so creepy that
it's hard to believe that they actually exit.
But, that being said, all of the toys that I'm
about to show you are in fact real.
So, without further ado, here they are,
the ten most disturbing children's toys ever made.
Number one is Baby's First Baby.
Oh, God!
Baby's First Baby is a toy doll created
by artist Darren Cullen in 2012.
Intended as a social commentary,
his goal is to raise awareness of teen pregnancies
and what pregnancy really entails.
As such, the doll has stretch marks,
comes with spare diapers and milk bottles,
and even its water breaks.
If that wasn't horrifying enough,
It also comes with a fetus!
Which is also pregnant!
You know you can educate your children
on safe sex without scarring them
for life with this toy, right?
Thing's nightmare fuel.
Number two are Water Weenies.
This one really doesn't need an explanation
as to why it's wrong, does it?
The Water Weenie was a toy from the 1980's
that was basically a long thick plastic tube
that would spurt water out of one
end after releasing the pressure.
Yup.
Essentially, kids would loosen the clamp at
one end, fill it with water, tighten it again,
and then loosen the little knob at
the bottom and squirt water at someone.
I find it interesting that parents in the 80's
thought nothing of their children squirting
their friends with a clearly phallic tube.
You can't tell me at least one parent wasn't like...
"It looks like a dick."
Number three is Lil' Monkey.
"Cuddle With Me" dolls were a series of dolls
released in 2009 that feature babies
surrounded by various animals.
Sounds pretty harmless, except one version of
the doll was an African-American baby surrounded
by monkeys holding a banana near her mouth
with the name Lil' Monkey on her bonnet.
Needless to say, it wasn't long before stores
raced to take the toy off of the shelves
after complaints began rolling in from parents
complaining about the racist toy.
You know, I'm not a fan of political correctness,
but this should've been a foreseeable problem
for at least one person on the marketing team.
It's a black baby holding a banana in her mouth.
Really? You saw nothing wrong with that?
Number four is The Avenging Narwhal.
If your son or daughter has an interest
in stabbing things, this toy is for them!
The Avenging Narwhal is a toy made
by Archie McPhee and Company.
The toy comes with a narwhal, a detachable tusk,
and an impalpable penguin.
You also have the option of getting the playset
that has four detachable tusks, one
of which is blood red, with an additional koala
and seal that you can impale at your leisure!
Three adorable animals to impale.
That's the description on the side of the box!
I could totally see the appeal of this toy,
especially as a parent!
What better way to teach your children
the horrific gruesomness of nature
than with a murderous narwhal?
Education and insanity!
Number five is The Face Bank.
This thing with guarantee that you never
save a dime because you'll never go near it!
The Face Bank was created by a Japanese
company, surprise, and is an anthropomorphic
coin eating bank that eats coins.
The battery powered robotic bank comes in
two supremely creepy versions, the full face
version and the just nose and mouth version.
If you wave money in front of its face
its stomach grumbles and after you feed it
it ends with a loud burp.
The company claims that it's hard to resist
saving your change with this unique piggy bank.
And I'm going to say no to that!
It does freak me out that children are using this
but what freaks me out even more is that
some adults are going to buy it
specifically males, and well, they're probably
going to use it for... other purposes.
Yeah.
Number six is The Jolly Chimp.
It sees into your soul.
The Jolly Chimp, also known as
the Cymbal Banging Monkey was
a toy from the 1950's and 70's
created by Japanese company Daishin C.K.
Upon activating it, this thing goes nuts banging
its cymbals together repeatedly while bobbing
its head , grinning, and chattering its teeth.
You may also recognize this toy from
2010's Toy Story 3, where it played
a security guard of sorts.
Today, The Jolly Chimp is a highly
sought after collectible. I'm not sure why
anyone would want a bulging red-eyed psychotic
monkey toy but, hey, to each their own.
Number seven is Pee & Poo.
Well, this person ran out of ideas.
Founded in Stockholm, Sweden
the Pee & Poo company was started by
Emma Megitt after she received her
master's degree in Graphic Design.
Glad to see she's putting it to good use.
According to the website, the plush polyester
dolls can be placed in water and are...
suitable for all ages.
These dolls have been featured in magazines and
TV and have become quite popular
with not only children, but adults too
specifically in the U.K. and America.
The company totes these dolls as great
potty training companions, but let's be honest.
People are buying these as gag gifts.
Because really, who hasn't wanted to give
a piece of poo to a friend or loved one
at least once in their lives? I know I have.
Number eight is the Lovely Straightjacket.
Kid's have too much energy? Don't put them
onto Ritalin or with some psychologist, put
them in a straitjacket. The Lovely Straitjacket!
Control Toys, a Brazilian company, has created
an entire line of these kind of toys.
These include The Happy Heavy Ball, which is
a straight-up ball and chain for the ankle,
and the Baby Trap Chair.
I don't want to to know that last one is.
The unisex design of this jacket means you can
strap up your little boy or girl, and offers to
"keep your children's hands away from your
home's beautiful and expensive decorations".
I would have also added, "And promises to keep
your children in therapy for years to come."
Padded walls not included.
Number nine is Hugo: The Man of a Thousand Faces.
Created in 1975, Hugo the doll was a popular
children's toy that came with all kinds of
accessories, like a goatee, wig , mask, nose,
glasses, eye-patch, and much more.
The pieces could be used in combination to create
hundreds of looks for the doll, just like these.
In its prime, it was a very popular doll, and
today it's an even more popular collector's piece.
Okay, there is something inherently creepy
about this doll. No wonder it isn't popular anymore.
I mean, who would want a bald guy that
makes all kinds of weird faces? (laughs)
And number ten are Fugglers.
Okay, after this one I'm done.
These are called Fugglers. They are each made
one-of-a-kind and are made with
eerily realistic, albeit fake, teeth.
They're sold on Etsy by a woman named
Mrs. McGettrick in the U.K.and are sure to inspire
terror in thousands of children and adults alike.
According to her Esty page, nasty rumors have
been flying about her product from people
claiming that she uses real human teeth.
An accusation which she adamantly denies.
Of course these aren't real human teeth.
That would just be insane.
Now, the eyeballs, however...
And that's all for this time guys. If you enjoyed this
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And I'll see you all back here next
Saturday with a brand new video. Peace!
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I'm coming for you! (growl)