your birthday party sucks Derek this is
so boring
hey let's get him
sporting great parties here let's get
one thing straight
when kids get bored kids get violent
it's a sad fact mom and dad protect
yourself and your family
get your kids the one toy they'll never
get bored of but cop down
every kid knows helicopters akula's help
and fart noises are funny
put those two together and you bought
yourself the number one selling toy in
the world fart copter but don't take my
word for it look at these charts at the
age of five a child learns to express
himself with violence don't take my word
for it look at this chart
yeah those kids are violent better get
him a fart copter when Michael turned
five he started changing
he became bored with everything iPads
iPhones Xbox you name it soon he got
violent beating up other kids even
teenagers fartcopter was the only thing
that seemed to make him happy
Wow fine duh
it was his favorite toy he would play
with fart copter all day long laughing
at the simulated noise it makes at night
even even sleep with it
Wow fines copter but before long he
lost interest in everything else but
that silly toy he became obsessed would
laugh over and over and over at the same
fart noise for hours it's the same fart
not even different ones Wow fines
copter it wasn't funny anymore
it became scary Wow fines copter so
we took it away we wouldn't let him have
it anymore
and then he attacked us he smashed my
face in over and over with his bare
hands I'd have reconstructive surgery I
also had to have my face reconstructed
with surgery and while I was under
Richard authorized my doctors to do
breast augmentation surgery and
liposuction a butt implant etc etc I
just assumed it would be okay it's fine
I'm fine
the point is fart copter changed our
whole lives and not really for the
better I can't feel my torso we want our
old lives back we want our son back
your son give me a break
what kind of parents take away your
favorite toy okay it's the perfect gift
for boys or girls and you'll like it cuz
of the fart part I don't want to be here
anymore
I'm scared fart copter is fun for me and
fun for you and everyone loves farts and
now listen to this kid not Justin just
do it like we practice and we get to go
home
and now listen a toast cake the UAV 4000
Deathlok these unmanned vehicles have
proved to be a deadly asset to the US
military in our theater of warfare all
over the world we've re-engineered them
for civilian use and we're redeploying
them into the public sector it's
lightweight and low noise allows the
death off to fly unnoticed anywhere
today's enemy may hide birthday parties
funerals
celebrations circumcisions weddings art
gallery openings shocked watches can
sing eros Hanukkah the death of doesn't
hesitate to bring Hellfire from above
and now it can bring fun sounding fart
noises - look I don't know anything
about this company are involved with
Michael all I know is you're my son and
I love you please no more fart copter
and no more phony British accent
sweetheart baby why do you talk like
that
like what I knew I shouldn't have had
you guys on the show we're worried sick
about you well you don't have to worry
about me anymore I've got everything I
need right here
and will make your child happy
no this ends now tell you what I did I
planned this Michael it's an
intervention son what are we gonna be on
that TV show KITT interventions no
supposed to be our own private thing
it's just us these cameras shouldn't be
filming just sit down son why are Grammy
and people he was cuz we love you
Michael Grammy was too sad to come
herself but she sent this picture so
it's just like she was here
this blows I'm supposed to be at the
mall having sex you hear that apologize
to your sister now let's go around and
share our letters for Michael no I don't
want to listen to this I was away with
fun cops shut up and listen Grammy wrote
this sweet sweet Michael I remember the
day you were born we went to see you in
the hospital and me and your P paws were
like whoa this baby just ain't right
your face was covered in blood and after
birth and even after they wiped that off
you had this kind of evil look on your
face I've always been scared of you
that's why I didn't come today and also
I can just watch it on kid interventions
I just hope that if you decide to kill
us all in our sleep
maybe you'll kill me last love Grammy
all right that's sweet clammy that's
sweet that was lovely Grammy Peepaw did
you have something you wanted to share
with mom oh yeah um Michael this is so
hard for us being on TV for the first
time like this on this stupid channel in
the middle of the night with nobody
watching and for what because you get
your jollies with a toy helicopter
dammit boy that's embarrassing your
Grammy and me always wanted to be on a
cool show like hillbilly reach-arounds
or shaving Bigfoot I'm so pissed off at
you I'm sick boy but if you're gonna
kill us
I agree you should kill your granny
first people
okay thanks people uh your turn
Dwight I know I said I'd meet you at the
mall to have sex but I don't think I can
make it now my brother is
addicted to the boners he gets from the
farts that come out of some dumbass
helicopter he plays with so yeah anyway
it sucks
also the last time we fooled around was
not cool because it was in the bathrooms
by the food court and some guy filmed it
and it went viral so everyone knows me
as mall skank toilet girl now but
Michael seriously if you are gonna kill
us I definitely think you should kill
Grammy for a
okay thanks toilet girl now if everyone
would fly their fart copter into the
circle
now keep them steady
now I get the fart button one last time
for Michael
out of court out of court
out of court and the bird
welcome I'm so sorry everyone it's okay
son be strong Michael we love you
Michael
I'm so sorry
sweetie what's that sound Michael son
what did you do
Oh
you
I don't get it pillar
Wow
banks Bob Kaptur
by cutter
one doctor