Hi! I'm Anne Ricketts with Lighthouse Communications. And today I want to share with you four tips
that will help you be more engaging during small talk. So a lot of people don't like
small talk. They think it's awkward or trivial. They don't understand why they have to talk
about the weather. They'd rather skip that and talk about business. But here's the thing:
small talk is really important. Among other things, it helps you build rapport with your
coworkers. And let's face it. People want to work with people who they like. It's also
the first impression that you give people and you want it to be a good one. So, let's
get into the tips for small talk. The first tip is always have a story. So, you want to think
about a specific story about a topic that is likely to come up. For example, on Mondays,
you pretty much know that the small talk topic of the day is going to be, What did you do
over the weekend? And instead of being general and saying, "Oh, not much. Just relaxed at
home." Think about something specific. It doesn't have to be -- you went bungee jumping.
It could be anything. Maybe you saw a really good movie on Netflix or maybe you tried out
a new Greek restaurant that you really liked. Tell people about it. And that will give people
much more to relate to, they can comment on, and it will be more interesting for them.
The second tip is you want to ask people questions and listen to them. So, people, they really
like to talk about themselves and if you take a genuine interest in them, and listen to
them, they will never forget you. So you want to, you know, ask people questions. But, here's
the thing. You really want to be careful about the "me too" syndrome. And what that is is
that, let's say, you ask me, "Anne, what are your hobbies?" And, I say, "Oh. I like to
run." "Oh, really? Me, too! I'm doing a race this weekend." Well, that comes from a good
place because you want to show me that you have a similar interest but the problem is
that you were taking an interest in me and now you are talking about yourself. And this
is pretty common. We all have had this happen to us and doesn't really feel good. So, instead,
listen to the person. Ask the question. Let them finish. And after they are done, you
can say, "Oh, you know what, I run too." And that's much better than interrupting them.
The third tip is you want to be present. Really be in the moment. These days we are so distracted
by all the things we have going on and we have, you know, our phones and our laptops
are always out. If you go look around anywhere you can see friends or couples together. Half
of them aren't really looking at each other but rather they are looking at their phones.
And the message that that sends to that person you are with is anything in this phone is
more interesting than what you are saying. And that really is not the message that we
want to be giving our coworkers and our friends. So think of small talk as an opportunity to
really practice your listening skills and be present. So put your phone in your pocket
and really hone in on the person you are talking to and really think about how I want this
person to feel at the end of this conversation. And, finally, the fourth tip is watch the
news or read the headlines for just five minutes each day. If you do that, you can know about
major topics in the news and if there is a lull in the conversation, you can bring that
topic up. For example, you can talk about the major storm that's hitting Hawaii or the
fact that the Oscar Pistorius trial is ending today. Something like that. And you want to
be careful though not to talk about 'heavy topics' like war or politics or religion because
that's not really appropriate for small talk. That might lead to a debate, if you don't
know someone very well, you want to steer clear of that. Another tip on the same note
is that if there is a major event in the news, let's say the World Cup or the Superbowl,
watch it. A lot of my English students say, oh gosh, that they're-- it's frustrating because
they feel like Americans always talk about sports and they don't watch American football
so they feel like they can't participate in small talk. And I'm not saying that you have
to become a football fan, but if there is something -- a big game on, watch it and that way
you can participate in the small talk topic for the next week. And you can also consider
it a cultural study. And, who knows? You might even like it. These are the four tips for
small talk. Try them out!