(soft piano music)
- I took a big load on me expecting I can
handle it by myself, in not asking for help.
- So there we were, my husband and I,
with a brand new baby in our house,
and no other support.
- I started feeling really, really anxious,
and I think from that moment on,
it just started getting worse.
- From there it was just this incredible blur
of learning how to care for a baby.
It really just felt incredibly overwhelming.
- What I worried about the most
was that I was doing something wrong,
that the gut instinct I had listened to
that told me she's okay, she doesn't need
more food or she needs to be cuddled or not
or all her needs, I began second guessing
and wondering whether I wasn't doing
something right or I wasn't fit to be a mom.
- Usually the guilt is around parenting ability.
"I'm not able to feed my baby,"
"I'm not able to look after my baby,"
"I'm not able to meet my baby's needs."
They're feelings of worthlessness.
"I never had good parenting, I'm not able to be,"
"I'm a worthless mom, I don't deserve this baby."
You feel like people assume you already,
you're a working woman, working professional,
you should know what you're doing
or this is your second child so you know
what to do and you should just be doing it.
There's this automatic assumption.
- I didn't know what to do.
And at the same time I was like,
"How could I not know what to do?"
I've always known what to do.
That's my thing, I know what to do.
So that was really hard.
- At the time I didn't realize that
I was being isolated, I was staying home,
the house wasn't being cleaned,
the laundry wasn't getting done.
My windows were closed,
I barely answered the phone.
Those are some of the cues that the health nurse
picked up, and she strongly suggested
for me to develop a support system.
- Having close friends, it's so important.
- Really put a voice to your feelings.
To be able to reach out for help.
That you don't have to feel guilty in asking for help.
Help is good.
- This is not a time to stand on being polite.
This is a time to ask for assistance.
I know there's a trite old phrase about
"it takes a village to raise a child,"
but I do firmly believe that a family
and a community need to provide an envelope
of services around a newborn baby
so that the family can do the best
job they can raising this infant
and we have a functional member of our society.
- One of the things that seems really important
is that a mom feels surrounded by family
and people that she can trust so that
she feels safe and she feels secure.
It's such a vulnerable time.
- My husband would tell me that if I'm having trouble
or if it's really getting hard I can call him
and he could come and help me, but I didn't want
to call him in too often because I felt like
I should be able to handle that by myself.
And in my mind I thought, okay, I'm a mom,
I'm at home, I don't have anything else to do,
so I should be able to do this.
Be able to handle this by myself.
Because my mom did that as well
and so many other moms, so this is
just normal, I have to do that by myself.
(soft piano music)