wow i tell you what i've i have always
wanted my whole life i've wanted to have
the guest come out we almost did it
there
and we start dancing and then we dance
for the entire hour
there's no interview there's no jokes
it's just a freak out
great wouldn't that be great let's go
that would be some bad television
welcome to the show
thank you so so much it's my favorite
place on earth to be
that's crazy that's insane it's true
have you ever been to a four-star
restaurant uh
this is the best place on earth thank
you this is the best time i've ever had
in my life
it's amazing especially in this
enchanted time of year
isn't this oh yeah look at these
ornaments aren't they i mean on tv they
may not look like much but in person you
can tell that they're
spun gold spun gold
spectacular gorgeous and you're always
in such a good mood uh now
talk about your personal life your
ethnicity or your
life your religious beliefs uh
you are jewish uh you were uh raised in
a jewish family so i'm guessing
very nice very nice my people
but so i'm guessing no christmas tree
for you as a child no no
you'd guess wrong you'd guess wrong
there um here's what we did in fact we
were the only my dad was a doctor and we
served the non-jewish neighborhood we
grew up in pittsburgh
mostly hungarian and polish and slovaks
steel workers kids in the dynamics
i was the only jewish fellow in my
school
my sister and in our neighborhood in
fact right what we had at christmas
you know we kind of did both we were you
know i went to hebrew school and
i was in fact an orthodox place where
i went but then at home we were kind of
split you know at home at christmas
we had uh um chanukah right
but then we mostly had christmas but in
the basement
you you you in the basement you were
secretive about celebrating christmas
you went down to the
what did you have in the basement it
wasn't secret of exactly they didn't say
don't bring anybody down here you
mustn't show anybody
you know we'd bring our friends down to
play ping pong but it was it was in the
basement we didn't have any lights like
everybody else did you know
displaying hey we're celebrating
christmas or anything in the window of
the living room right nor did we have a
menorah in the window of the living room
right but in the basement we had the
most elaborate christmas
display and deck and altar and
decoration that i'd seen in any of my
friends houses we went out i remember we
went through a whole you know ritual
getting the tree right and decorating it
very elaborately
and had lots of presents from santa
claus supposedly oh you even you
yeah we had trains those lionel trains
that were great great great why was all
this happening in the basement this is
the strangest thing i've ever heard
it was a little bit undercover but yes i
believed in santa claus i was just
remembering recently that
they you know i believed in it i was
kind of enchanted by it and i wrote
because i remember the day i vaguely
remember the day
when we were in the breakfast room we
were talking about my sister my younger
sister two years younger
with my two older brothers and my mom
gee do you think this is the year to
break it to her that there's no
santa. and i said
what do you mean i said
well you know that there's no scent i
said
wow i think i was crushed in a way and
then i said but
reeling they said uh-huh jeff doesn't
know i said gee
then does that mean okay really and so
you just got the presents and you
wrapped the presents and stuff
right holy cat and i said does that mean
the easter bunny
no easter bunny and the tooth fairy
because i guess i had believed look i
got a tube and she came and she
nobody believes in the tooth fairy i
mean people buy santa and they
in the rabbit's a little stret like
there's a nine-foot rabbit that's gonna
break into our house
and throw eggs around but i don't even
even when i was like three i was like
there's no being
tooth fairy you know i didn't i didn't
know i was a boy of special imagination
i suppose
i needed my i needed my myth and i was
telling somebody i was dreaming in a
half sleep last night because i knew i
was going to talk to you i thought
you know it's true that i may not have
the santa claus myth
but if somebody would have told somebody
before television or
airplanes had been invented that i was
going to fly over the clouds once or
twice a year
and see a tall red-headed man in new
york city
and we would have a conversation full of
laughs and beverages
and there'd be a machine to send it at
the same time all over the country
and people if you could listen would be
laughing all over the country
it would be very fun and then you'd fly
back over the clouds
right that's equally as powerful and
delightful a bit
wow i believe it wholeheartedly this
should it's really true
this show should replace christmas i
really believe
that may sound a little deluded there
but i do think that i should be
the new basis for the christian religion
yes but we'll talk later about that
yes master you are um
you're into the holidays you enjoy them
but you're against receiving gifts you
don't like receiving gifts why well it's
i'm not
you know it's not i'm against it i just
not i'm not a big consumer and in my
house i'm a minimalist
uh i if i'm not wearing clothes i give
them away i don't like to have stuff
around and i don't go out i don't shop
much i don't like the latest thing and
i'm kind of anti i'm an allergy to
commercials
much and being sold stuff people call
you at your house now and they sell you
stuff and on your fax machine i hate all
that stuff
ah see don't get me started so so um
yeah what a wonderful joyous mood you
have right the holidays
maybe you should go back into the
basement and uh
yes i'm a very split and dark character
so um
so if somebody gives me something
there's not a lot that i really
want right and if i get it i'm like well
now i have to like put it somewhere and
store it someplace so i'm like well
thank you but it's really not a
delightful thing to me if i can talk
sense into any adult person i go
please don't don't give you i don't
think right now what i don't like is the
pressure of
having to act like this was the greatest
thing you ever got there's this
expectation
when you're handed hand me this right
now and you have to just be like
for you please
it's kind of horrible right right
horrible now let me ask you uh about
your uh your sporting life
you uh you went to giant stadium i'm
told the other day
but you rooted loudly for the steelers
at the game where was your life in
danger were you threatened at any point
you're a big steelers fan but you know
big fields found from pittsburgh so i
went to giant stadium and saw them beat
the
beat the giants but i was i haven't been
to a regular season game
ever and you know i used to go to the
season tickets for the steelers
when i was a kid and then i've gone to a
couple of super bowls which is kind of
like a
ridiculous kind of event kind of a wild
american extravagance and stuff
but i've never been to a regular season
event and never
as since i was a kid and never as a
visiting fan
right right so i didn't know what to
expect i didn't research i didn't ask
anybody but i thought you know
is this going to be there's fighting
about there's you know
you know how how visible should i be and
then i was a little ashamed as i saw
hordes of people with steelers you know
shirts and stuff going in
because i was wearing nothing right you
were naked and i wasn't naked but
you know i was warm but i wasn't wearing
anything and but then as the game go
i went on i realized what what could
take place i was
very happy very excited it was like a
great party i had a great time and
bonding with my steeler
cohorts even you know you know reaching
over some giant fans and going yeah man
look what we did
but i was also i was also right you're
going yeah man look what we did
yeah yes but we're going oh yeah
thank you congratulations but i was also
making sure that i bonded
with many of the giant fans to and going
because they recognized me too and i was
making pals all around
i was going oh good play when they did
something and good for you i was good
isn't it possible jeff that that could
come across as sarcasm
and then you get pounded that's what's
going to happen