With Brexit negotiations underway, and Theresa May wondering who her friends are,
now would be a nice moment for Donald Trump to go through with his state visit
to the UK. But will he? Don't count on it.
Theresa May - when she became the first world leader to visit President Trump in
the White House - not only engaged in a Wallace and Gromit look-alike contest.
She also invited President Trump for a formal state visit to the UK. But with
Donald Trump indicating that he may postpone or even cancel the trip, will he
actually follow through? We take you now to this press conference with the real
fake Donald Trump.
Thank you, thank you very much. And to our good friends in
Britain, as you begin your negotiations to free yourselves from European
oppression, I would like to say we are with you. All of you.
..Except for London Mayor Sadiq Khan, who is clearly a terrorist.
Evil, evil man.
As you know, I
was planning to take advantage of the state visit to the United Kingdom.
Because, believe me, when I meet with the Queen of England - for her - it would be
such a royal experience. However it has now come to my attention that some of
the protesters in the United Kingdom want to set me on fire, like that
Grenville tower in Nottingham.
So before I can commit to this plan, we sent a
camera to London to find out: "How popular is Donald Trump?"
"No."
"Erm, I don't live with him -?"
"'Nice' is a difficult word."
"I don't think I could actually say 'nice,' no."
So much hatred in your heart. Terrible. You're like the
mainstream media.
"His smile, and the way he dresses. And I guess he has the right
intentions for some people."
Okay, you see, some people, some Brits - very smart.
She's very nice. ..Not exactly Miss Universe material, but very nice."
"His wife is good-looking."
"and he is quite successful."
"And his son looks cute."
Now we're talking! She's very smart, and you can tell because she's hot. At least
a six.
"He has money. He would fly me in a private jet. And if I was his girlfriend.."
"then I'd probably be a ten."
Melania, you're fired.
I'm going to marry this one.
"'Dream Girls.' It's all about black people."
Never mind.
The wedding is off.
"Romantic movies like 'The Notebook,' so that he understands love and relationships."
'The Notebook?' GAG.
"'La La Land.' It would soften him up a bit."
I love 'La La Land!' Should have been best picture. Moonlight -
Millions of illegal votes. Total voter fraud.
"Where'd you get your wig from?"
Where'd you get your head from?
"George Orwell's '1984.'"
I love '1984.' Excellent instruction manual.
"Joseph Heller's 'Catch 22.'"
Also another great instruction manual! It's all about how
war is good for business.
'Catch-22,' '1984.' Love it.
"There's all these surveys that you can take online. They're put on by
"by the Donald Trump's administration. At the end they have a comments section.
"and usually it's.. I give something along the lines of..
"recommendations at the end. Usually I say, like, 'please acknowledge
"'the racism in this country and speak out against that.' Because there's so many
"hate crimes happening in his name. So that's what I would say."
I wondered: who writes that? So you're the one! Good luck getting back into the
country, loser.
"Know when to give up."
"Stop hating on people."
"Yeah, just tell him: stop hating."
"What the fuck is wrong with you, man?"
"What is going on inside that orange, fuckin head of yours? You dickhead."
"Fuck off."
I'm staying home.