- [Teresa] Give me a African American queen, please.
(laughing)
- Okay. - (claps) Give me a queen!
(upbeat music)
(bell ringing)
- [Announcer] This is "Crack Me Up."
The show where two comedians battle
to see who has the best jokes in the school yard.
The goal is
to make whoever is in the hot seat
laugh the most.
(laughing)
The catch is
the hot seat will try their hardest not to crack.
Round one (dinging)
is a tit for tat style speed round.
The comedians will have 90 seconds to go joke for joke.
Each laugh gets a point.
Most points wins the round.
Got it?
Let's go.
- I hope you like craft,
'cause I'm a mack.
And I'ma have you cheesin' all day.
(man lightly laughing)
(buzzing)
Damn, she cold, okay! (squealing)
- All right, I'ma go ahead. (claps)
I'ma go ahead and go in.
Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Really, I heard, you know,
you and Conceited had somethin' going on,
so I'm just trying to be the one
to take you to the abortion clinic.
- Oh (bleep).
(laughing)
- [Man] Conceited is her abortion already.
(buzzing)
- Nothing?
Gosh, shit!
♪ Hey girl, my name is Punkie ♪
♪ Last name, Johnson ♪
♪ I was wondering if I could take you out ♪
♪ And show you to my house ♪
♪ Some, un-dun, dun, dun, dun ♪
♪ Dun, dun, dun, dun ♪
- Bitch, you know
the rest of the song. (dinging)
We going out or not? (laughing)
♪ Did you see ♪
♪ Poke your thick ass ♪
♪ On the floor ♪
♪ She too big to be gay, gay ♪
♪ She too big ♪ (dinging)
♪ To be gay, gay ♪
- [Man] That was a left, that was left,
that was a left. (screaming)
- You look like a sexy, juicy piece of sausage.
Let's link.
(laughing) (chattering)
(dinging)
- That was funny. - That was a good one.
- [Announcer] Round two is a tit for tat style speed rap.
Each laugh gets a point.
Most points wins the round.
- All this time you be flirting with me, man.
- I do? - Keep playing,
you going to get my eggplant from mama nightstand.
(laughing)
- You keep food in there, bro?
(laughing)
- That's not smart.
♪ Your face I don't know it ♪
♪ It can't get no older ♪
♪ And you also got Charlie's hips on your shoulder ♪
(laughing)
♪ Shawty look good ♪
♪ Man, shawty sexy red ♪
♪ But I need to get a sticker and put it on your bumper head ♪
(laughing)
(dinging)
♪ You look like every (bleep) in this room for no reason ♪
♪ You look like a knockoff Bow Wow ♪
♪ And a made up Conceited ♪ (dinging)
(laughing)
- Dude, that was a good one. - Good?
- That was crazy.
♪ Ah man, you up here calling me a (bleep) ♪
♪ I get your stilo ♪
♪ But how you going to call me a (bleep) ♪
♪ When you the one look like Cleo ♪
(laughing)
- You told me to prank her back.
- You all push that laugh out.
(bell ringing)
- [Announcer] That last round ended in a tie,
which means we're hitting a bonus round
which is a dance-off.
- Yeah, - Let's get it,
let's write. - All right.
(upbeat music)
- Ooh! - Let's get 'em,
let it work.
- You're not supposed to laugh, aye.
- Aye, oh, aye, oh. (dinging)
Aye, aye, aye.
- Oh. - Oh, oh, oh!
(dinging)
- [Man] There's going to be a stain on that--
- Let's pray. - If I ever see one.
(laughing)
- Oh, oh, aye, shake it. - All right.
- Shake it. - Public school system
ain't never be the same.
(laughing)
- [Man] Hey
- Oh! - Okay!
- That's how they do it? - Uh-huh.
- [Man] Oh snap.
(laughing) (dinging)
- Did laugh. - Aye.
- That's a little dry in hell.
(laughing)
- Goddamn. - Am I like (bleep)--
- You ready for the grand finale?
(upbeat music)
- [All] Oh! (dinging)
- Oh! - Oh!
- Now you want me, don't you?
(laughing) (dinging)
Now you want me, don't you? - Aye, talk to her.
Now she want you. - You didn't know
I could do a split, huh?
(man laughing)
(upbeat music)
- [Man] I didn't even to be honest with you.
- (humming) I'm doing a split.
(laughing)
- [Man] I got to say,
I was along the back
keep growing in those places.
(upbeat music)
- Oh, she doing the murder bot.
(alarm ringing)
(laughing)
- [Announcer] The third and final round
is called "Word Play."
In this round, each comedian
will rip off the word they pull from the hat.
Most laughs not only win the round but the game.
- Woke.
- I was going to say,
that's a Ms. Fake Activist over there.
(laughing)
- [Teresa] I was just going to say,
he don't need a real woke. (buzzing)
- Animals.
You've been talking to one all damn day.
(laughing) (dinging)
- Okay, realness.
This is what Punkie strap on don't feel like.
(laughing) (dinging)
- That's it, that's all right. - Don't feel real.
It's real hard and plastic.
- Well obviously you don't know anything about strap ons.
My strap ons be like four, $500.
- Oh! - Goddamn!
- [Teresa] He got some expensive (bleep).
- [Man] Put on a fake nine.
(laughing)
- All right, emojis.
(laughing)
- Emojis! - Emojis.
- Emojis. - Emojis.
- You want some of my eggplant emojis?
(alarm ringing) (laughing)
- [Announcer] And the winner is Punkie Johnson.
- Oh yeah! - Don't worry about it.
- I'm shocked. - Let's go, Punkie!
- Emojis. - Emojis.
(laughing)
- Look, look, look, look, peace, peace, peace.
- They look alike. - Yeah, give a little speech.
- Sometimes, sometimes-- - Look at them.
It's Conceited with a filter. - The window now.
You got to do it.
(laughing)
- [Man] What did you like? (cross-talking)
- Filer can see.
- You missed your chance, you missed your chance,
you missed your chance.