THE
THE HAPPIEST TIMES FOR PARENTS AND FAMILIES. BUT WHEN THE
PREGNANCY ENDS IN A
LOSS, IT IS DEVASTATING.
UNFORTUNATELY,
STILLBIRTHS HAPPEN
MORE THAN YOU MIGHT
THINK.
THE CDC SAYS STILLBIRTH
DEATHS ARE MORE
COMMON THAN SIDS,
SUDDEN INFANT DEATH
SYNDROME.
YET, WE NEVER TALK
ABOUT STILLBIRTH.
TOO MANY MOMS AND
DADS ARE SUFFERING IN
SILENCE....
SILENCE....
"THAT'S
"THAT'S PROBABLY THE WORST PHRASE THAT YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE
HEARING IN YOUR LIFE,"
'I'M SORRY, YOUR CHILD
DOESN'T HAVE A
HEARTBEAT. THEY ARE NO
LONGER LIVING,'" KORAL
LANDBERG SAID.
KORAL LANDBERG WAS
JUST NINE DAYS FROM
HER DUE DATE. UP UNTIL
THEN, SHE HAD HAD A
NORMAL PREGNANCY.
NO COMPLICATIONS, NO
RISK FACTORS.
"ONE MORNING I WOKE
UP AND WENT TO, WE
ACTUALLY HAD A BABY
SHOWER. WE WENT TO
THE BABY SHOWER. AND I
CAME HOME AND
REALIZED THAT I HADN'T
REALLY FELT HIM MOVING
MUCH AND I WAS HAVING
SOME CONTRACTIONS,"
LANDBERG SAID.
SHE WENT IN FOR A
CHECK-UP.
"THEY'RE TRYING TO FIND
THE HEARTBEAT AND IT
WAS THE LONGEST
MOMENTS OF MY LIFE, OF
WAITING BECAUSE SHE
COULDN'T FIND THE
HEARTBEAT," LANDBERG
SAID.
"YOU KIND OF GO INTO
SHOCK. REALIZING, WHAT
DO I DO NOW? I HAVE TO
CALL MY FAMILY AND TELL
THEM THAT WE'RE IN THE
HOSPITAL,
HOSPITAL, I'M IN LABOR, BUT WE DON'T GET TO HAVE A LIVE BABY. AND
HAVING TO GO THROUGH
THE DELIVERY WITH ALL
OF THE HARDSHIPS, BUT
NONE OF THE REWARDS.
IT WAS AWFUL,"
LANDBERG SAID.
"THE WHOLE TIME YOU'RE
JUST HOPING IT WAS A
MISTAKE, AND THAT A
MIRACLE WAS GOING TO
HAPPEN. THAT HE'S
GOING TO BE BORN AND
HE'S GOING TO BE FINE.
AND WHEN THAT DIDN'T
HAPPEN AND HE WAS
BORN, IT WAS JUST
SURREAL. YOU SEE THEIR
FACE, BUT THEY'RE SO
COLD," LANDBERG SAID.
NATIONALLY, UP TO ONE
IN FIVE KNOWN
PREGNANCIES ENDS IN A
MISCARRIAGE, WHICH IS
CONSIDERED TO BE A LOSS
BEFORE THE 20TH WEEK
OF PREGNANCY.
STILLBIRTH EFFECTS
ABOUT 1% OF ALL
PREGNANCIES, A LOSS
AFTER 20 WEEKS.
THERE ARE 10 TIMES AS
MANY STILLBORN DEATHS
EACH YEAR THAN DEATHS
FROM SUDDEN INFANT
DEATH SYNDROME.
CHRISTINA BABIN
COUNSELS PREGNANCY
LOSS FAMILIES AT SAINT
AL'S.
MANY TIMES PEOPLE
THINK, 'IF WE JUST SKIP
PAST THIS, IF WE DON'T
TALK ABOUT IT THEN THE
HEALING WILL COME
FASTER,' BUT REALLY THAT
DOESN'T SPEED UP THE
GRIEF PROCESS," BABIN
SAID.
"SILENCE WE SEE IS OFTEN
ONE OF THE MOST
FRUSTRATING THINGS
THAT FAMILIES DEAL
WITH," BABIN SAID.
"THAT'S REALLY ONE OF
THE MOST PAINFUL
THINGS THEY CAN
EXPERIENCE. SO SUPPORT
THEM IN THIS JOURNEY,"
BABIN SAID.
THE GRIEF AND GUILT
WERE OVERWHELMING
FOR KORAL.
38:55-:17 "I DIDN'T WANT
TO LIVE ANYMORE. I WAS
JUST THIS SHELL OF A
PERSON
PERSON THAT I USED TO BE. AND I WAS VERY BITTER ABOUT IT. I WAS
BITTER THAT I FELT LIKE MY
JOY WAS STOLEN FROM
ME. AND YOU THINK IN
YOUR MIND, 'WHAT
COULD I HAVE DONE TO
MAKE THIS HAPPEN,'"
LANDBERG SAID.
BABIN SAYS FRIENDS AND
FAMILY NEED TO ALLOW
PARENTS TO FEEL THE
PAIN. DON'T TRY TO FIX IT
FOR THEM, JUST BE
PRESENT IN THEIR PAIN.
"GIVE THEM PERMISSION
TO FEEL THE PAIN
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW WE
HEAL," BABIN SAID.
KORAL SHOWING ITEMS
FROM HER MEMORY BOX
@34:50 SO THIS IS THE
OUTFIT HE WORE WHILE
HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL
... AND THE HAND AND
FOOT MOLDS..."
KORAL SHARES HER
MEMORIES OF ASHTON
BECAUSE SHE SAYS IT'S
COMFORTING FOR LOSS
PARENTS TO HAVE THEIR
PREGNANCY AND BABY
ACKNOWLEDGED.
SHE'LL SHARE THEM WITH
BABY BROTHER CALUM,
TOO, WHEN HE'S A LITTLE
OLDER.
"THIS IS SOMETHING THAT
I THINK WILL BE REALLY
NEAT TO SHOW CALUM
WHEN HE'S OLDER, 'HERE'S
YOUR OLDER BROTHER'S
THINGS. HERE WAS HIS
FEET,' AND TO BE ABLE TO
EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT
HIS BROTHER AND WHY
HE'S NOT HERE, BUT THAT
HE'S STILL SPECIAL TO US,"
LANDBERG
LANDBERG SAID. LOOKING BACK, KORAL IS PROUD OF HOW FAR SHE'S
COME IN THE TWO YEARS,
EVEN THOUGH SHE SAYS
THE LOSS OF ASHTON
FOREVER CHANGED HER.
THROUGH COUNSELING
AND JOURNALING, SHE
NOW WORKS TO VIEW
LIFE'S UNEXPECTANCIES IN
HEALTHIER, LESS SELF-
DESTRUCTIVE WAYS. HER
MESSAGE TO OTHER LOSS
FAMILIES: YOU DON'T
HAVE TO SUFFER IN
SILENCE. YOU ARE NOT
ALONE.
"NOW I TAKE THESE
EXPERIENCES AND I TAKE
ASHTON'S LIFE AND I TRY
TO USE THEM TO BE A
BLESSING TO OTHERS.
AND IN THAT WAY HIS
MEMORY LIVES ON AND
THAT'S ALL I COULD EVER
ASK FOR," LANDBERG SAID.
KORAL AND HER
HUSBAND HAVE STARTED
"ASHTON'S BLESSINGS," A
FUNDRAISER IN HIS
MEMORY TO HELP SAINT
ALPHONSUS PURCHASE
COMFORT ITEMS LIKE THE
HAND AND FOOT MOLDS
AND MEMORY BOXES.
AND EACH YEAR ON HIS
BIRTH DATE, KORAL VISITS
WITH FAMILIES IN THE
NEWBORN INTENSIVE
CARE UNIT.
CARE UNIT.
KORAL
KORAL SAYS WHILE PEOPLE MEAN WELL SAYING CLICHES LIKE, "IT
WAS MEANT TO BE THIS
WAY," OR "GOD NEEDED
ANOTHER ANGEL," OR
"THEY'RE IN A BETTER
PLACE NOW." THEY'RE
NOT HELPFUL.
ALSO, AVOID STARTING
SENTENCES WITH "AT
LEAST..." "AT LEAST YOU'RE
YOUNG AND CAN TRY
AGAIN..." "AT LEAST THEY
DIDN'T SUFFER"
SAINT ALPHONSUS HOLDS
A MONTHLY SUPPORT
GROUP FOR PREGNANCY
LOSS FAMILIES, LOSSES AT
ANY STAGE OF GESTATION.
YOU CAN FIND THE
GROUP'S INFORMATION IN
THIS STORY AT KTVB.COM.