Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business
and a life that you love.
It’s Q&A Tuesday, folks.
This Q&A Tuesday question comes from Miss Cynthia and she writes:
“Marie, how do I deal with the guilt?
Let me explain.
I recently shifted my business focus to an area which I have strong skills and which
I greatly enjoy.
During work the other day I found myself very, very happy.
That stopped me in my tracks and suddenly I was full of guilt.
Whether it came from someone in my family, my nanny, my school teachers, or just being
raised female in this society, I have a lot of baggage around enjoying my work.
If this new path works out I could conceivably not only make enough to support myself but
to allow my overworked, generous, and supportive spouse to shift to a less stressful career
too.
I find myself wondering, with so many people in the world forced, many literally, to do
work they hate just to survive, what gives me the right to pursue work that feeds me
mentally and spiritually as well as financially?
Please help me get to a positive perspective on this so that I can move forward.
Your fan, Cynthia in Virginia.”
Cynthia, this is a beautiful question.
You have a lot of empathy, you’re a very caring person.
That means you actually give a damn about the welfare of others.
That is a beautiful thing.
But, and this is a big but, obviously, as you shared, this guilt thing is tripping you
up and if you don't get it handled it can really screw up your happiness and your success.
Now, I have a few ideas that can help.
Number one is your misery doesn't serve anyone and it certainly doesn't help those people
who don't have many options right now in terms of their livelihood.
It’s not like you being miserable at work or feeling guilty over loving your work is
somehow creating more work options because it’s not.
You need to wake up and break this association that you have with guilt and it being useful.
Guilt is not useful, it’s wasteful, it’s indulgent, and it does not make you a better
or more caring person.
You’re assuming that misery loves company and that may not be true.
Give them some credit that they don't want more people suffering alongside of them.
And also give some credit to the people that don't have the options that you have but they
make the best of it.
Basically it’s time to wake up and smell the happiness coffee.
In fact, you know what?
I’m gonna have myself a happy-chino right now.
This is with almond milk, right?
Number two, you can’t give away what you don't have.
So if you want to make a difference in this world on any level you can’t give that which
you don't have for yourself.
And when it comes to the important things like love and compassion and happiness, you
have to cultivate that within so then you can extend it to others.
Number three, happiness is not a limited resource.
So unlike resources like time or water, there’s no limited quantity in happiness in the world,
so stop thinking that you’re going to use it all up.
In fact, the more happy you are in your work the more it opens up that possibility for
others.
And I like this idea so much that we are making it a Tweetable.
“Happiness is not a limited resource, so help yourself and there’ll be plenty left
for everyone else.”
Number four, who is anyone to be happy?
So, Cynthia, in your question you wondered out loud, “What gives me the right to pursue
work that feeds me mentally, spiritually, and financially?”
And I say what gives anyone that right?
I mean, what if anyone who’s ever made a significant, positive impact said that and
what if we all said that?
We would all be like, great, let’s all be miserable at work.
Yay.
Thanks, Cynthia.
Just kidding.
Number five, you wanna turn your guilt into giving.
So this may be the only redeeming quality of guilt in this situation.
So if you don't have an active practice of giving back to others, whether that’s money
or time or mentoring, or your community, or whatever, you need to get that practice going
and make it a permanent part of your life.
So this isn’t about relieving guilt, this is about expressing the wholeness of who you
are as a human being and living that fully in your life.
One thing that I’ve found to be true is the more you give, the more you live.
That’s why we have our change your life, change the world initiative.
Now, if this floats your boat, Cynthia, you need to come and join our Kiva lending team.
It’s awesome.
Little link is below.
This way you can make a direct impact on people’s livelihoods all over the world.
So, of course, I’m not attached to where or how you give, but if inside you feel like
you’re not doing enough right now I want you to turn your guilt into heartfelt giving.
That was my A to your Q, Cynthia.
I hope it helps.
Now, I would love to hear from you.
Have you ever had happiness guilt?
Do you ever feel guilty for being happy about something when you know others don't have
what you have?
I would love to know how you deal with it.
Now, as always, the best discussions happen after the episode on MarieForleo.com, so please
come on over there and leave a comment now.
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Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world really does need
that special gift that only you have.
Thank you so much for watching and I hope to see you next time on MarieTV.