Do you know how to use your lawyer against a narcissist? Well, I do, and by the end of
this video, you will too. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% attorney and the bestselling
author of the books Negotiate Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce
Guide, and I've helped thousands of clients through their divorces to go from lives of
drama, trauma and chaos, to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose. I do
the same thing for you right here in these videos. So make sure you hit that subscribe
button, smash that notification bell, and that way you'll get notified every time I
upload a brand new video. Now, how do you use your lawyer in a divorce or in any kind
of lawsuit where you're needing a lawyer and you're dealing with a narcissist on the other
side? The thing that you need to understand is that
your lawyer knows the law, but your lawyer does not understand anything or have any access
to the information that you have access to. You are the one that has access to the best
facts to create leverage, to create strategy so that your lawyer can actually be used as
a tool in your strategy. Over reliance on your lawyer is going to just get you into
a position where you've paid lots and lots of money and you feel like you're not getting
anywhere. Because a lot of times, for one thing, your lawyer doesn't even understand
narcissism. I certainly didn't. I had been a lawyer for many, many years. I heard the
word narcissist, but I was just going along and doing what I was doing with every case
and trying to settle the case the same way I tried to settle the case with any situation.
Sometimes I would think, "Geez, the guy on the other side or the person, woman, on the
other side is horrible and extremely difficult and hard to deal with." But I still didn't
understand the concept of how to actually deal with a narcissist in a lawsuit. The thing
that all of us need to understand, lawyers and you who are dealing with these people,
is that narcissists need an endless amount of supply and they get supply from jerking
you around. As long as they're getting some amount of supply in the lawsuit by jerking
you around, they have no reason to want to settle the case. The key in settling the case
or getting them to resolve the case is going to be figuring out what form of narcissistic
supply will mean more to them to keep than the supply that they get from jerking you
around, and threatening that supply source that means more to them.
Not actually taking it away, it's a very fine line but you want to threaten it. Your lawyer
probably doesn't understand that and you need to understand that. What are the types of
things that will threaten them? Looking bad in front of a judge, looking bad in front
of their lawyers, looking bad in front of the community, looking bad in front of their
boss or coworkers or employees or neighbors or anybody that they want to look good in
front of. You have to threaten that supply source when you're dealing with a narcissist
on the other side. How do you use your lawyer? Well, you say to your lawyer, "Okay, I've
got all these great pieces of leverage, so here's what you can do."
The key for you is going to be packaging up the leverage in a way that you can present
it to your lawyer and say, "Here you go," and if you want to know more about how to
get leverage over a narcissist, check out my video on how to get leverage over narcissists.
We'll drop a link to that below. Lawyers want to win cases, lawyers want to get a good result
for their clients. A lot of people think lawyers just want to make money. Well, maybe some
lawyers are out there that want to make money, but lawyers also really do want to win the
case for their clients. If you bring information to your lawyer that will help them resolve
the case or win the case at trial or whatever, they will want that, they like that, they
need that. But you are the one that's sitting on the
information. Lawyers can apply the law to the facts and tell you where you stand under
the law, but you are the one that actually has to understand how to package up the facts
in a way that will help your lawyer create a better strategy and create a better argument.
For example, you are sitting on all of the emails or text messages or social media posts
or any writing that you've ever had with this other person, with this narcissist. Within
that information, I guarantee you are ways that you can summarize or put that information
into categories that will end up making that person look bad. It might be a summary of
the person's lies, a summary of the person's contradiction. Yes, it's work.
A lot of times when I tell my clients, "You have to do this," they'll go, "I have thousands
of emails." "Okay, well, do you want to win this case or do you not?" Your lawyer can
also file pleadings on your behalf that will also be threatening. If the person that you're
dealing with on the other side would really one of the worst forms of supply you could
take from them is that they would lose custody of their kids. Well, then there's where you
need to go. Threaten, somehow, that they're going to lose custody of the kids by filing
a pleading in the court that's asking for sole custody or asking for a custody evaluation,
whether they're going to have a psychological evaluation involved.
Hey, I'm not saying you have to move, go through with the whole thing, but they have to feel
that you are. If you want to put yourself in a position where you are driving the bus
and not constantly feeling like you're on the defensive, if you want to shift that dynamic,
these are the things that you have to do. But your lawyer has to be just an instrument
of these things. Over reliance on your lawyer means that you will be spending lots and lots
of money and not getting anywhere. You will be going on for years and years and years
and feeling very frustrated and feeling like you're not making any progress. This is exactly
why, because they get narcissistic supply, it feeds their ego to jerk you around.
They, actually, you are on this path to try to get the case settled, the other side, while
they say that that's their path, that is not their path. Their path is to continue to jerk
you around as long as they are getting some satisfaction out of jerking you around. Use
your lawyer as an instrument to get resolution to the case, but do not over rely on your
lawyer. I have a lot more about this in my SLAY program, which I'll actually drop a link
to that below so that you can check it out. I also have a free webinar on the three must
have secrets to communicating with a narcissist. If you are so ready to shift the dynamic and
shift the conversation so that you are in the driver's seat, give me an I'm ready in
the comments. If you are getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, please grab
my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet. It's basically an ebook, thousands of people
have downloaded it and used it to much success. You should go ahead and grab it as well. You
can get it at the link below, or winmynegotiation.com. If you like this video, give it a like, give
it a share. drop me a comment. Let me know that you were here. I'm so glad that you were
here. If you want additional support, come on over and join me in my free private Facebook
group, it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, and we will drop a link
so that you can join that as well. I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel, I'm so
glad that you were here. If you haven't subscribed to my channel, now's a good time to do that.
Subscribe, hit that notification bell. Remember today's a great day to start negotiating your
best life. I'll see you in the next video.