You're still the same old Lincoln Lame.
Ellie Mae, you get back here now!
[bellowing]
Ah! Whoa!
You know what? I think I'm gonna like middle school.
Next is bio. Suit up.
Cool! I've always wanted to wear a lab coat.
Welcome, fifth graders.
We're continuing our work with live mealworms today,
so everyone grab a case from the back of the class.
[grunting]
[shouting]
Sorry, guys. That was my fault.
I was up late making business--
[both] We're back!
Fantastic.
Lana, why don't you come to the board
and solve this problem?
[imitating Lana] There's nothing I'd enjoy more,
except maybe gross stuff like eating boogers.
Marker, please.
Well done, Lana.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, a curtsy.
If I didn't know better, I'd think you were Lola.
[gasping]
[making armpit farts]
[chuckles] Lana, you're so gross.
[sighs]
So you're not going to punish us?
Oh, I'm not going to punish you.
I am gonna tear you limb from limb!
[screaming]
[kids chanting] Clincoln McCloud!
[screaming]
[kids chanting] Clincoln McCloud!
[screaming]
Ah!
[screams]
[grunts]
[screaming]
[grunting]
[grunts]
Ow...
Coach, are you okay?
I already scraped the barnacles, Ma.
- Hey, Luan. - Hey, what's up, Benny?
I just wanted to say good luck.
I hope you win the playwriting contest.
Oh, thanks.
Knock on wood.
Hey, quit it, toots!
You're giving me a splintering headache!
[laughs] More like a
[laughing]
Introducing: the woman who recently played the coveted role
of confused eater in the new Burpin' Burger commercial...
Mrs. Bernardo!
Mwah! Mwah!
Wow, Mrs. B has really stepped up her entrance game.
[clapping] Thank you. Thank you.
Please. Oh, please. Hold your applause.
[clears throat]
[clapping stops]
Okay, class, you should have read
up to chapter 12 of your world history books.
Lisa, since you're new, I don't expect you to have--
Done. Interesting read, if a bit light on indigenous cultures.
Wow. If a former kindergartener
can read the whole book this quickly,
I expect all of you to do the same, by tomorrow.
[groaning]
If you want us to retain the information,
I suggest a pop quiz.
Agreed.
[groaning]
Okay, class,
time to present your robotics projects.
Lisa, it's okay if you want to sit this out.
Give me a moment.
Say hello to Todd.
He's fluent in over 600 languages.
[robotic voice] Hola, bonjour, guten Tag.
Goodbye.
Oh, and he destroys anything inferior to him.
[groaning]
I know I'm never going to make it as a rock star,
so I'm done with music.
IT is my jam now. It's a heck of a gig.
Great job security, solid retirement plan...
It's more practical.
Well, wait, Luna, honey,
you don't have to give up music completely.
Lots of people play as a hobby.
Nah, it would just break my heart.
My achy breaky heart.
Sorry to mess up the rumble, Miss V.
"Chunk and the Pieces"? What's this?
Chester gave me that.
His band is playing at the Red Herring tonight.
Chuck has a band?
I thought he gave up music a long time ago.
- Whoa! - Wow!
Hey, guys, I'm Mrs. Salter.
Okay, so here's the lowdown.
Juice bar in the back, help yourself.
Also, there are cards on the desks
with your names on 'em. Rip Hardcore themed.
I love the show.
And he is a personal friend of mine.
[in unison] Wow!
See? I told you guys, there is nothing to worry about.
Um, Mrs. Salter? I can't find my desk.
My name's Lincoln Loud?
Oh, okay, here you are.
Looks like you're in Mr. Bolhofner's class.
[gasps]
No, that can't be right!
I know I requested this class!
For the love of sponge cake, say you turned in the form!
Say it!
I did. See? There's a check mark.
[sniffing]
That's not a check, that's a Flippee stain!
[groaning]
This looks like the art department.
Maybe this is the watercolor room.
[shouting]
Are you kidding me?!
[chuckles nervously] Is this The Wonders of Watercolors?
No, this is Fun With Photography,
and you just ruined a whole month's work!
I'll see you jerks after school.
Meet me on the blacktop at three.
You think she's inviting us to play a game of tetherball?
No, that's where we fight.
[gulping]
Today you'll be getting your very first report card.
Let's see, an A in science...
[giggling]
An A in writing...
An A in math...
One penny...
That's four dollars and eleven cents,
or approximately 416 Japanese yen.
Also, I took the liberty of preparing your tax returns.
[groaning]
- Mmh? - [laughs]
Hmm, I wondered where I left my pudding cup.
Thanks for finding it for me, Lincoln Lame.
[groans] Chandler...
[scratching nails on blackboard]
Okay, listen up. The name's Bolhofner.
I didn't spend 15 years in the military
followed by two months stranded inside an active volcano,
surviving on lizards and pumice stone
to be pushed around by a bunch of chuckleheads!
[off-key] ♪ In this herky-jerky world ♪
♪ You shouldn't need To say goodbye! ♪
Ooh, was I off there? I can't be off!
My aunts are flying in from the Canary Islands
just to see me sing in the show!
No, no. You were fine. But maybe try it like this...
♪ In this herky-jerky world ♪
♪ You shouldn't need To say goodbye! ♪
Did you know he had the voice of an angel?
[gasping] Who sang that?
Wha...! [grunts]
Cancel the auditions!
Lincoln, you have to sing the solo.
Your beautiful voice melted my brain freeze,
and my heart.
Today is the fifth grade internship fair,
and Clyde and I are making sure to put our best foot forward.
'Cause there's only one place we want to work...
[both] Flip's Food & Fuel!
Good morrow, fine sir.
I'm Clyde McBride, and this is my associate, Lincoln Loud.
Together, we're known as...
[in unison] Clincoln McCloud!
We're a team.
We'd love the opportunity to work
in your fine establishment,
[both] as a team!
Two for one? Now, you're speaking Flip's language!
If you peruse our joint resume, I think you'll find--
Never mind that!
Either of you got a criminal record?
- No. - You're hired!
[both] Woo-hoo!
We'll get to see where the nacho cheese comes from!
And read the comics as soon as they're delivered!
And use the Flippee machine!
[in unison] Ooh, Flippees...!
Hey, Stinkoln McFartCloud!
Your internship started ten seconds ago!