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How The Party Used An Immortal Exploding Gnome As A Bomb
Hi everyone.
All Things DnD is back with another story.
This is what you get when you combine insanity, paranoia, and an idiot.
Pure awesomeness.
We’d love to hear what you think about this little gnome’s twisted journey and your
own crazy character moments.
And now:
This is the ridiculous story from a 3.5 campaign.
I’m playing a human alchemist named Wazdak that loves experimenting on everyone and going
full Hulk mode whenever the party needs another tank.
We also have a Dwarven Fighter, Elf Wizard, and most importantly, a Gnome Sorcerer named
Ben.
Ben was an idiot.
Imagine the kind of garden gnome that you see in your grandma's garden: pointy hat,
bushy beard, kinda fat and make it bigger.
That was Ben.
Ben loved to cast the most ridiculous and destructive things he could at the slightest
provocation.
The kind of guy who would blast a Kobold with a maxed out fireball just for giggles .
Ben was also paranoid and wanted to find the secret to eternal life, which is why he always
hung out with Wazdak, who did not like Ben.
But he put up with the idiot mostly because if he bugged him too much he could hulk out
and slam the midget into the ground hat-first and he'd get stuck.
Ben somehow survived every encounter we had for weeks, despite nearly dying in every single
one of them mostly due to nearly killing himself and everyone around him with some idiotically
placed spell.
Eventually we're up in higher levels somewhere in stereotype-istan, giant tomb complex, and
encounter a phoenix that really isn't happy about us intruding.
We are fighting it as we normally would, getting our butts kicked but hurting it back.
Dwarf and elf are both knocked out due to tanking and an unlucky cast from - yup - Ben.
Wazdak is nearly dead and Ben has 1 HP.
But, Ben has a plan and he needs to get closer.
Wazdak is pissed that they are all going to die because of the fat midget with the dunce
cap.
He picks up Ben and hurls him directly at the phoenix like a dart , which is exactly
what Ben wanted.
As Ben sails through the air he uses Greater Shout to unleash his warcry .
The shout was enough to kill the phoenix and right as it dies , he plunges hat-first into
the miniature supernova that is a dying phoenix.
Wazdak decided that it was a pretty badass way to die, and shed a single manly tear before
helping the rest of the party .
He gets everyone on their feet before a blinding fireball appears in the middle of the room.
Ben is reborn from the ashes .
The party is trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
Upon closer inspection Ben is back to 1 HP.
Fizzbin has a theory, and he needs to test it.
Before Ben can object, he gets a face full of Alchemist Fire.
Ben explodes in another miniature supernova . Three turns later, he's back again.
The dwarf goes to club him but we stop that.
We theorize that as long as he dies due to fire he will be reborn in the condition he
was in when he flew into the phoenix.
So on the bright side, he's functionally immortal.
On the downside, he revives with 1 HP in the exact state he died in the first time.
Thus begins the story of Ben the Exploding Gnome .
Ben was paranoid before, but never quite like he was now.
A house cat was now a severe threat to his existence.
So his solution was to constantly have a fireball spell on standby to cast on himself.
Whenever he was even SLIGHTLY in danger, he would self destruct and reappear 1d4 turns
later.
He destroyed multiple inns, shops, and even burned down an entire village with this ability
. This made him fantastically useful to Wazdak.
His primary tactic was now to hurl the gnome like an oversized dart towards the enemy,
then Ben would blast the area around him in fire, take damage from it, explode and cause
more damage, before reappearing somewhere else.
The items in the list of things he took down with this tactic include everything from mummy
lords to castle walls.
This made Ben the most terrified munchkin in the universe as the party saw him as an
oversized magic arrow to hurl directly at the biggest and meanest of enemies.
His only friends are now actively trying to kill him multiple times a day while the rest
of the world is trying to permanently kill him.
His dreams of leveling were thrown out the window; every time he died he would just be
the level he was when he died at the first time.
But!
Ben found a loophole.
He no longer feared negative levels, and every time he died his spells reset so he could
cast all day every day as long as he remembered to kill himself with his last one.
As such, he was marvelous against enemies that caused you to lose levels or spells,
as he could simply get in their face, throw a few insults, then spontaneously combust.
Eventually his paranoia grew to a whole new level when he decided to use all his funds
to build himself a magical tower.
This tower had fire traps in every single room that could be detonated by word, touch,
or thought depending on how likely it was that he may be encountered there, and how
many other backup traps were present.
As such, summoning Ben became an ordeal by itself since he refused to come out unless
he was knocked out and dragged from his home.
Luckily he usually only had 1 HP, so a punch from anyone in the party was sufficient, but
first you had to get to the little coward.
The party forcefully recruits Ben on a couple adventures.
By the third we need to transport him in a zone of silence or drugged up to all hell
so he doesn't blow up to get away.
We need the little bastard's destructive force for a very particular job.
We need to destroy a large drow encampment in the mountains before they unleash hell
on a nearby city that didn't know they existed.
Our only way to get there is via Wazdak's airship.
There’s no way in hell we can fight them all, but we have something better.
We have a Ben.
We fly over the camp , getting spells and arrows shot at us constantly .
Prep the bombing bay.
We strap a drugged up Ben to 5000 gallons of alchemist's fire in barrels, open the bomb
hatch and toss him out .
He slams into the fortress and explodes in a massive fireball . The alchemist’s fire
covers the fortress, setting the entire thing ablaze .
Every few rounds Ben revives nearby and instantly explodes again from the flames .
He's a one gnome carpet bombing that never ends.
In one move we reduced the drow fortress into a blazing, inescapable inferno . Even the
stone foundations of the fortress had begun to melt from the intense heat.
We hang around for a few hours until the heat is too much to control the ship.
But we gotta get out or die ourselves.
We are forced to leave the canyon and Ben behind.
We return to the tavern and drink fire shots to his memory .
But there is a silver lining, Ben no longer has to live in fear.
We set the little gnome free of his paranoia and he got what he always wanted.
He was now truly immortal.
Some say you can still hear the explosions echoing off the mountains.
Some say they aren't echoes.
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Why is that when wishes come true, it’s always terrible?
Have you ever had a wish in a game backfire?
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