I am really…
What? I really like you.
-Oh, girl, this is fancy! -Look at this.
We fit right in here.
Good morning.
-Hey, girl! -Morning.
My name is Liz Brewer,
but you will address me as Ms Brewer.
For some reason,
Netflix feel
that you two need a little bit of help
with your etiquette and social behaviour,
so I've got to choose, between you two,
the diamond.
Well…
-Don't gotta look too far. -A challenge, I know.
It won't be a challenge. I'm very easy, sis, OK?
I'm sorry, Ms Brewer.
…Briton to see it in decades.
Benedict, dear, you alarm our guests.
Here we are at the dining table.
Vivienne, how would you eat your sausage roll?
Oh…
I mean, if I was at home…
Oh, it's gone down me tits.
Normally, it is served hot.
Pretend it's hot.
Oh, fuck!
-Yeah, right. OK. -That's hot.
It's oozing. It's drizzling.
Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry.
No burping.
This is very Liverpoolian behaviour.
You take the napkin
and you wrap it around your sausage roll.
-Yeah. -Right?
Protection for your sausage roll.
-Total protection. -What you're saying is…
Wrap your sausage before you put it in your mouth.
Yeah, unless your sausage is on Prep,
and then you don't need…
-Prep? -Prep.
That would be for our finishing school, Liz.
Just control yourself.
What are you going to say
to gracefully leave the table?
-Yeah? -Would you say… Hang on.
-I can't with my mouth full. -No.
You eye someone across the table and be like…
-No. -OK, well, I'm out of ideas.
You look to the person on you're right,
person on your left,
and you say, "Will you excuse me?"
"I'm going to powder my nose."
But if we'd gone halves on the bag,
we'd go together, wouldn't we?
Yeah.
So now, sip your wine.
That's right.
No, no, no, you don't go…
You only do that if you're at a tasting.
So when you have many loads to taste,
you always spit them out, you don't swallow each one?
If you're at a tasting.
-Of loads, OK. -You know why?
-Yeah? -You get drunk.
Or something else.
What's the something else?
-Liz… -Syphilis.
-Can I offer you a… -Certainly not.
I think Liz set us up to fail there.
I mean, is there a glamorous way
to eat a fucking sausage roll?
We're stood here with lip gloss on.
I look like I've been noshing someone off
who had psoriasis on their knob.
It's just not a good look, is it?
Truly to admire a woman,
to delight in her beauty,
so much that all your defences crumble,
that you would willingly take on any pain,
any burden for her…
-OK, well, I want-- -Put your legs down, please!
And I can see right the way up your skirt.
-OK. -Cover your minge.
This furniture is priceless.
I think I've just trod dog shit into the carpet.
So now, girls, I'm going to teach you elocution.
Electrocution?
No, not electrocution.
Elocution and why is important.
So we're going to have a little bit of a test here.
This is a very phallic symbol.
Now, listen, girls, you've got to concentrate.
The Vivienne.
Oh, you want me to read it?
-Yes, I want you to read it. -OK.
I'm not just sitting here with a poker…
Poke her? I don't even know her.
The rain in Spain
falls mainly down the drain.
Do you want me to say it like you?
Yes.
The rain in Spain falls mainly down the drain.
Absolutely fantastic.
Don't get me wrong, I love regional accents,
but Scousers normally swallow their vowels.
She's really good at swallowing.
Yeah, exactly.
Now, Monét, let's have your rain, so…
Sure, sure.
-The rain in… -Rain.
…rain in Spain falls mainly
down the drain.
You sound like Dick Van Dyke.
-That's pretty good. -Thanks a lot, I know.
No, you don't know. I'm teaching you.
I'll tell you whether it's good or not.
I think Liz is absolutely furious with us.
I feel bad because I don't know
if Liz loves us or absolutely hates us.
Exceptional posture.
Beautiful smiles.
Alright, enter!
You haven't closed the door. Go out and do it again.
Enter!
Yeah, just as I thought.
-Thank you. -That was cute, right?
No, it was appalling.
Vivienne, enter!
-Girl! -Now?
-What, now? -Yes, girl.
Oh, hang on.
She's terrible. I'm sorry.
Oh… interesting.
I don't want the booty all over the place.
You want to become diamonds.
Right, shoulders back, stomachs in.
So, I'm going to actually help you
with some aids here.
That looks sadistic.
-It certainly is. -This is getting kinky.
You'll have to kneel down.
This is getting very kinky, Liz.
I feel like I'm getting knighted.
-OK. -Or noshing someone off.
-Either or. Oh! -Whoops.
Oh, my God.
Girl!
-What are you doing? -I'm…
Oh. Do you… Oh, sorry.
Oh, God.
My safe word is rutabaga.
-OK. -It's a good one.
-The only one who might-- -Liz! What?
Liz, is that a harness?
Let's have a look, see if this works.
Liz, I like you more and more each day.
Oh, my God. Liz is a kinky bitch!
That girl's sadistic.
Girl, what in the Bonding season one
is going on here, Liz?
Go out and come in, one at a time.
Who's coming first?
Oh, my nose!
Enter!
No!
No! I…
You've got to face me all the time.
Go out and come in again.
In at the same time.
Enter!
Enough of the sashaying. OK.
That was, of course, an absolute disaster.
A total disaster.
I feel great.
Flutter it so,
to draw his eyes to your bosom.
There.
And remember to laugh at his jokes.
Every man wishes to be thought a sharp wit.
How would you go about flirting
with a young gentleman?
That would require someone being attracted to her.
Wow.
Now I'd like to see how you flirt with a fan.
That's hardly flirting.
That's making me jump out of my skin.
What about…?
Are you not going to do it?
That's the coke from last night.
Listen, I love Liz,
but don't come and try and teach two drag queens
how to clack a fucking fan.
Liz was very startled by the clacking of the fan.
Could you imagine if we killed Liz?
In this house? Girl.
So, what is your great talent?
I now need a fan,
because I think that is rather vulgar.
And not only do I think it's rather vulgar,
but I don't think you'll attract the young man
by doing that.
Oh, you don't know.
-You need to be subtle. -Never say never.
This is probably why I'm single,
so you have a valid point.
Girl, when I put that fist in my mouth,
I think Liz got a little chub.
She was like, "Oh! Ho-ho-ho!"
You welcome.
Monét, can I ask you?
Please keep your knees together.
-It's really hard for me. -I know. Well…
-Old tricks die hard. -Alright, girls,
I'm now going to put you to the test.
We have an eligible bachelor in the next room.
You're going to show him
the type of person that you are.
Well, let's go bag a man.
The Dowager Viscountess Bridgerton
and Miss Eloise Bridgerton.
Presenting The Vivienne.
Hello.
Presenting Monét X Change.
I'm sorry about that.
I just finished taking a shit on the toilet.
-Yeah. -Wow.
I'm just gonna put my napkin in the correct place.
-Wow. -This is where mine goes.
You both seem very proper.
So, Bas, what's your favourite kind of date?
I kind of like outside, field, footie, or…
Ooh, in a field? Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
Can I ask, what are your yeses and noes on dates?
Oh, my yeses and noes.
OK, so some my yeses are: I like to walk…
-OK. -I like to gag.
-OK. Alright. -I like to choke.
I want you to park that little dangly thing
that swings in of my throat.
Whoa.
You know that's what…
-But we can talk about that. -OK.
Wow.
This is very Get Out.
I don't like you stirring that tea like that.
So, the age-old question:
cream or jam first?
-Definitely cream first. -Smashing.
Are you a cream first type of girl?
Oh, I always cream first. Every time.
I've tried it the other way around,
it just doesn't work the same.
OK.
Shall I serve you some tea?
Please, yeah.
Would you like some milk, my love?
-Yes, please. -How would you like it?
Thick, creamy?
Thick is fine.
Take a… Oh.
Thank you very much.
So common.
It's hot. Be careful, dear.
I don't want you to burn yourself.
Here you go, my darling.
-OK. -You take a little bite.
Please say, "Vivienne, I really enjoyed that."
How were those blueberries? Are they mushy?
Or are they…
hard?
-I really enjoyed that. -Yeah? You want some more?
No, no, I'm grand.
Say, "Please, Vivienne, can I have some more?"
Want to taste this chocolate cake?
See that, Vivienne? He wants my cake.
Oh, wow.
I am really…
What? I really like you.
I like you too.
-I like really like you. -Yeah.
I just wanted to show you how strong my feet are.
They look like very powerful feet, honestly.
Is that a read?
Ladies, it's been really nice meeting both of yous.
Sure.
And I'll be in touch with your teacher
as to my final choice.
-Yeah. -OK.
That's cool.
-Thank you. -Thank you very much.
Go ahead, take this with you when you go, too.
-Go ahead. -Oh, OK.
-Alright. -Take that with you.
-That went well. -That was great.
I mean, I don't know.
It is what it is. I ain't sweatin' it.
I got a fucking man at home. I don't even need this.
Our little bachelor was lovely.
-Wasn't he? -Oh, girl.
I think we scared the shit
straight out of his arse today.
Hello, Liz. How are you?
OK.
To say I was disappointed is an underestimate
of really how I'm feeling.
It would appear that you disregarded
nearly everything that I taught you.
I disagree.
Oh, really? What would you disagree with?
-We were graceful. -Leg on table?
It's usually behind her head,
so you were lucky it went on the table.
So what I've decided
is actually to give you both a certificate…
on the condition
that you actually do think about
what I've taught you today
and try and become that person
that I see within you both.
And having given it a great deal of thought,
and spoken to Bas,
I have decided the winner will be…
The Vivienne.
-Her?! -Motherfucker.
-I'm the lady, love. -Liz, I can't…
Why?! Why not me, Liz?
-Go ahead. -I was honoured.
I mean, we all saw it coming, didn't we?
Bye, bitch.
I didn't wanna win anyway.
I don't wanna date him. Like, are you serious?
I didn't wanna date him.
I didn't wanna…