From how stop lights know when to change, to what would happen if you slept for 20 years,
my name is Darlink and I’m here to answer everyone’s burning questions about life.
Hello dere.
I’m Danger Dolan and I’m here to blow your mind with TRUTH under the watchful eyes
of Darlink’s CCTV.
Why ARE there so many cameras?
They’re there to make sure you behave, that’s all.
By the way, you should get that mole on your butt cheeks checked.
My delicate place!
How dare you use your cameras to perv on my delicious body.
You’re naked 24/7, genius.
That’s not true.
On the rare occasion I want to appear formal, like at a funeral, I’ll maybe wear a shirt.
Yeah, okay.
If humans can go weeks without eating, why do we eat 3 times a day?
Humans are capable of going more than just a few weeks without eating.
There was one man who was morbidly obese that ate nothing for an entire year; he just drank
water and took the required nutrients and vitamins under medical supervision.
Eating three times a day is a routine established by European settlers and farmers, and ensures
you receive these nutrients.
Otherwise starving yourself leads to a loss of energy and muscle mass as it turns your
stored fat into an emergency supply of energy.
Good for weight loss, but not so good for overall health.
Nobody actually eats 3 meals a day - that’s just a meme.
If that happened, we would all be grossly fat.
The closest you’ll find is Darlink gobbling sweets between her 14 daily naps.
She’s practically a cat.
Hey!
That’s not true- Look, Darlink.
A cake.
What cake?
What did you do?
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
That was my birthday cake.
Oh, well, happy birthday!
It tasted great.
Thank y…- wait.
Why do computer chargers need those big adapters?
Why can’t you just connect the devices to the power outlet with a cable?
These adapters are known as transformers to convert power outlet current into direct current
for your laptop, and in fact a while ago they were built INSIDE the laptop, but were considered
thick, heavy and generated too much heat.
They have since been moved into the power cable as an external adapter.
Without this transformer, the extreme power coming from an outlet in your house would
likely blow up your laptop.
One happy side-effect of this transformer inclusion is your laptop doesn’t need a
power converter when you travel overseas.
Just an adapter for the plug prongs to fit into the socket.
Don’t you think it’s strange that unlike a PC, your laptop still functions when you
unplug the power?
That’s because the adapter is where they keep the hamster running around on its hamster
wheel to power your battery.
If the adapter were any smaller, you wouldn’t be able to fit either of them, so that’s
why they have to be bulky.
Considering the adapters don’t have air holes, it’s probably a good thing we found
those hamsters that don’t need oxygen to live, right?
Don’t be absurd.
Everyone knows hamsters are powered by electricity.
Only plebians breathe oxygen.
Like you.
Or you?
Did you just call me a plebian?
Congratulations.
You played yourself.
Why do human babies cry so much as opposed to a chimpanzee or gorilla baby?
One theory is that in the wild, baby monkeys that are left alone tend to survive if they
stay silent, assuming their mother will return.
But human babies will NOT survive if left alone, so therefore making as much noise,
tuned to maximum annoyance, tends to be their safest option.
Humans are also born much earlier than chimps, so we can’t walk or function on our own
without help whereas for apes it’s a crucial skill.
But thankfully, it’s all in exchange for high brain development, even if it does admittedly
drive the parent nuts.
That’s because human babies are low quality.
In gaming terms they’re a hard carry.
Chimps on the other hand?
I acquired this item from a local mystic.
Note how calm it is.
How it doesn’t make you want to throw it into a garbage pile.
You should probably return that chimp to its family.
Ah.
The appearance of its counterpart.
Darlink, the human ba- -babysitter.
Here you go.
I trust you.
I know you don’t like being called a baby; there is no need to delete me.
How do stop lights know when you are there and when to change?
Most stop lights are built on a timer, sometimes with different schedules depending on how
it anticipates the traffic for that day.
There are some with a sensor though, usually buried coils that sense metal above.
In these cases, they do that to help speed up the light change so that you’re not arbitrarily
a hundred years for a light to change when nothing is happening.
The downside to sensors though is when cars don’t stand still in the correct spot, say
if you’re too far forward or back, they won’t activate.
Rolling over them isn’t enough either, because otherwise the light would change for every
car making a left or right turn too.
That USED to be how traffic lights operated, but no more.
Nowadays they connect to your phone through 5G and download all of your personal data
to learn where you’re going and how much of a rush you’re in, then intentionally
stay red to make you late because it found all the nasty stuff you keep on your phone.
Oh ok you're one to talk, Mr D, you’re into some weird stuff yourself.
And now I finally know what to put in your Dolan juice.
CCTV isn’t enough, huh, now you gotta put cameras in my phone!
So you wanna explain why you searched up ‘how to escape the tyranny of women’?
The books I read for pleasure are none of your business.
HAHAHAHAHAHA you - you don’t read books.
I’ve read book…
…s.
What if you slept for 20 years?
It depends on your definition.
You might be surprised to learn humans naturally sleep for an accumulated 20 years of their
full lifespan.
If you somehow could sleep for 20 years in a row while getting the required nutrients
through a tube, you would still get chronic diseases, obesity, mental distress, heart
disease, diabetes and stroke, so it’s very likely you wouldn’t survive this.
Assuming you did though, you would emerge in a world very different to our own.
Phones would be relics of the past as people walk around with augmented reality glasses.
Artificial intelligence and automation will have taken over many industries.
Global temperatures will have risen, and perhaps we will have taken our first steps to colonize
Mars.
Or perhaps the world is destroyed from nuclear war.
In which case you may want to return to sleep.
Sleeping for 20 years?
Very possible.
It’s called sleep banking.
For every day, week, month or year that you “bank”, you won’t need to sleep for
that equivalent amount of time.
Darlink can vouch for me - I slept for 2 years and I haven’t slept once since I woke up.
It’s true.
He’s an idiot.
Yes, it’s in exchange for non-essential brain function like remembering what day it
is, but at least I can be awake at 4am when nobody will bother me.
Beautiful, beautiful silence.
Sleep is for the weak.
How do video games detect if they're pirated?
Back in the day of cartridges and CDs, they would put a special file or format in the
game that’s difficult to reproduce the console would look for.
Nowadays, companies opt for always-on server connections to check constantly if your copy
is legit.
If it’s played offline, developers might encrypt the files to only play on certain
registered hardware.
Failing all this: a dodgy pirated version is released early, very inferior to the retail
version that will function poorly when installed - deterring pirates.
They can tell because of something called DRM - this stands for Darlink Real-time Monitoring.
We all know she’s watching.
Lurking.
Ready to pounce.
I mean, all I want to do is play every computer game for free-
Independent thought detected.
Oh, god, not again!
Stop pirating games.
No.
Ow.
Fine.
I’ll compensate the developers, are you happy?
OW!
What was that for?
That was for having an independent thought.
Man.
I miss when it was Melissa.
Uh, oh.