listen nobody's listened to baby shark
as many times as I've listened to baby
shark baby shark please inside my
nightmares hi I'm Olivia Wilde director
of book-smart and today we're gonna play
last thing on my phone it's a cute one
as my daughter looking really cute I
take a lot of pictures of both of them I
always joke that my daughter always
looks like she's posing for her own
lifestyle magazine come into my pool
let's make mocktails like that's her
vibe she's - oh Jesus
let's see this was the selfie so I could
try to learn how my brilliant makeup
artist Melanie Iglesias does her smoky
eyes so I took a really badly framed
selfie to try to memorize how she was
applying the makeup so it's not a great
it's not a great one it's in all caps
it's very aggressive it involves lots of
exclamation points I sent it to my
friend Diana she sent me a picture of a
box of true botanicals which is this
amazing skincare that I use that I tell
everyone about and she said okay
this better be everything you say it is
or else and I wrote it is I promise I
don't know why I had to scream it but I
felt strongly so I screamed it at her
with 4 exclamation points a restaurant
called night and market song it's really
good Thai food they have the best Pad
Thai you know why it's moist
Pad Thai should be saucy it's not this
like dry clump that lands in one piece
it's a saucy noodle dish and I feel like
only they understand that
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don't be weird don't be weird
it says welcome to earth babies that's
what I put in my google search and what
that is I was trying to find this Kurt
Vonnegut quote that's really really
great I clearly wrote it like while
doing for other things cuz not one word
is spelled correctly
welcome to Kurt bubbies but it was my
intention was welcome to earth babies I
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know this without even looking but it's
the drool it's the drool face I do this
lady this guy a lot of this this one the
little monocle is that it's the
appropriate response to anything
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it's either Shaq doing the shimmy or
it's Oprah going and I feel like both of
those can really be also in response to
anything recently I've been using one of
the Olsen twins eating lots of spaghetti
oh my god what any of these mean my
children it's outdated which feels
unfair to them this was at least a year
ago I've seen them since then it's a
note that I wrote to Malia Obama we were
at Harvard screening book smart for the
students there and I really really
wanted to get Malia to come see the
movie she didn't but maybe if she had
read this note doesn't everyone have a
note to Malia in their phone Bobby
Cannavale a who I worked with on vinyl
and it's just a thank you I'm friends
with all my co-stars I love everyone
I've ever worked with but that looks
like it was the last one unless I'm
forgetting someone
there's a book smart thread for
everybody involved in book smart and
it's pretty bonkers right now there's a
lot of crazy gifts on that one paw
Patrol
I have two children when I take them to
school they make me listen to paw patrol
the theme song looks like we listened to
pup pup boogie I listen to it on repeat
it's sort of like what I imagined like a
really intense prison camp
when you're being tortured with music
and sound my version of
is paw patrol on the drive to school I
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don't listen to voicemails I'm very
curious who tried oh it's from Katie
Silverman she wrote look smart and she's
the best she knows me she knows me oh I
paid a babysitter I'm always trying to
figure out like like a fun way to write
the description because I just feel like
that's what you're supposed to do on
venmo I'm not one of those weirdos who
does public venmo because like what's
going on with that why do you want us to
see what you're spending money on I
don't understand it I don't want to see
the people I went to high school with
paying for transactions with emojis that
just makes me wonder like are you buying
drugs
I can't tell I'm a lyft lady somewhere
in Brooklyn where is this place
I was so hid somewhere on Flatbush I
don't know where I was going
it was 12:15 a.m. where is that I don't
know but thank you I'm air it was a
lovely ride oh I always give five
because I want them to give me fun
judging by these glass things on my
phone I take strange middle-of-the-night
lift rides into Brooklyn and send a lot
of drooling emojis and I should take
more pictures of my kids I think and I'm
okay I think I'm all right
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