you look fantastic uh you have uh you've
lost a
you've lost some weight around two
ounces um
[Laughter]
i was gonna say about two ounces yeah um
no i stopped drinking and i just kind of
put the weight off really so you you
stop drinking and
the weight just because they say that's
yeah that can really make a huge
difference yeah i was having uh you know
a lot of vodka with sausage and uh
was the sausage in the drink yeah oh wow
delicious yeah
but bad for you bad for you uh swizzle
sausage
i was getting in too much trouble with
the drink and stuff so i just kind of
was there an incident that sort of
uh cause that everyone when they if they
stop drinking there's usually one thing
that happens that makes them think okay
now i gotta cut back this was about 20
things
um one night i was walking
that's it that's the story you just were
like i've got to stop walking this
walking thing is terrible um
i i was walking through new york and i
was
walking over towards one of the bridges
to walk home and
i was in the lower east side and i had
gotten into the whiskey that night and i
was listening to my headphones and
this guy in a jag jaguar jaguar
war how do you say it jaguar yeah one of
those
cut me off when i was crossing uh ludlow
street yeah
now if it had been a chevy lumina i
wouldn't have cared
right but this is a jag and some fancy
in there
and uh yeah and um
so as it cut me off i hit the car as
hard as i can with my hands just like
bam hey i was saying man zach you're
real cool
yeah and i had some whiskey i got my
headphones on i just hit a jaguar yeah
and i you know i just keep walking and
tap on my shoulder about 20 seconds
later and i turn around and it's
two six foot six guys uh
12 by 12. and um
they were cubed they were cute but
anyway there were two
huge six foot six guys and i turn around
i take my headphones off
and they they both at the same time spit
my face
you're kidding and i don't know if
you've ever been spitting your face
non-sexually but
[Laughter]
all i remember is being so stunned
and they walked away i didn't really
even say anything because i didn't know
what to say
and i remember reaching into a trash can
and grabbing a beer bottle and yeah and
saying to myself
out loud nobody spits in zach
galifianakis's face
i threw the beer bottle at the car
and it missed and that's my story yeah
i wish
[Applause]
but that's one of the reasons i you
decided to cut back yeah cut back
did the guys the guys didn't recognize
they spit on you they obviously didn't
recognize you what about me now
i was wearing a nixon mask well this
story's changing a lot no i don't think
no they didn't recognize now
if they did recognize me they probably
would have done more than spit my face
yeah but i'm curious do you like uh you
know
we've known you for a really long time
and we've seen you blow up and become
this big star
do you like being famous and being
recognized
uh i don't and i understand the irony of
saying that on a talk show
um but
i i don't i don't i haven't i've had
trouble i'm kind of private and i try to
if i see a pack of teenagers walking my
way forget it i will run
right yeah you'll run the other way run
the other way for sure yeah it's
it's it's a tricky thing to be noticed
do you notice that there's a kind of
like is a certain kind of person that
notices you
more than well there's never anybody
wearing a dr smock
it's always somebody like with a
who-farted t-shirt
[Laughter]
never a surgeon never a surgeon