I am an outcast.
Against the Grain of Society What is an outcast? “A person
who has been rejected or ostracised by their society or social group”.
Perhaps that’s too strong a word to describe myself. Perhaps I’m a maverick. “An unorthodox or
independent-minded person”. Either way, for a long time, I know I haven’t fit well into society.
Humans are a social animal. 80% (or more) of humans usually “go along” with the crowd.
This is due to Normative Influence: People often conform from a desire for security within a group,
which leads to people exhibiting public compliance – but not necessarily private acceptance – of the
group’s social norms in order to be accepted by the group. The other 20% (or less), hesitate,
or even refuse to confirm. They accept that the majority of people will disagree with,
and may even treat them badly because of it. Sometimes the 20% call the 80% “sheep”,
but I would say that the 80% are simply “people” – they’re behaving exactly as expected.
Just as buffalo and caribou stick together in their herd, so do people. Historically,
it’s been the best way to stay alive. I don’t blame people for doing this. I totally get it,
but for whatever reason, I just don’t go along. Solomon Asch Conformity Experiment (1951).
In this experiment, one real person was placed in a group of five stooges who were there simply to
give incorrect answers. The participant of course didn’t know this and thought that everybody there
was real. Each person in the room had to state aloud which comparison line (A, B or C) was most
like the target line. The answer was always obvious. The real participant sat at the end
of the row and gave their answer last. About 75% of participants conformed at least once, with 37%
always going along with the majority. This means they went along with an obviously incorrect
answer. In the control group, where there was no pressure to conform, less than 1% of participants
gave the wrong answer. Apparently, people conform for two main reasons: because they want to fit in
with the group (normative influence), or because they believe the group is better informed than
they are (informational influence). Of course, this study was done back in 1951,
so there have been a number of other studies done since then, but certainly, this experiment by
Asch is a great starting point to see how humans conform under certain conditions.
Anyway, in this presentation, I’ll give you some examples from my life where I didn’t conform,
and consequently was treated as somewhat of an outcast.
Church. I was raised a Lutheran
and attended church most Sundays with my family. When I was younger, I didn’t mind it so much,
but once I was about age 12, I started having catechism classes in order to
become a “Confirmed” Lutheran, with Confirmation occurring at age 14. Throughout theses classes,
the pastor taught us all about Lutheranism. One thing he taught that I remember quite vividly
is the Doctrine of Sacramental Union during Holy Communion “in which the body and blood
of Christ are truly and substantially present, offered, and received with the bread and wine”.
I don’t know, but that sounded a bit far-fetched to me, so I started questioning the pastor.
He didn’t take too kindly to me questioning it and accused me of not having enough faith.
If only I had the proper amount of faith, then I would make a good Christian. Anyway,
I managed to keep my mouth shut over the next year or two and was confirmed at age 14.
But, one day while I was up receiving communion, my friend had just had a dental procedure the
previous day. While he was drinking the wine (remember, the actual blood of Christ), some
blood started dripping down from his mouth onto the carpet. I immediately started giggling as did
he. The pastor gave us a stern look. After church, it was customary to line up and shake hands with
the pastor as we exited the church. When it came to my turn, the pastor grabbed my hand and told me
that I had upset God by laughing at Christ’s blood being dropped on the floor. I tried to explain
that my friend had a numb mouth from the previous day’s dental work and that it was just a mistake.
Anyway, from that day onwards, the pastor didn’t particularly act very well towards me and
consequently, it didn’t take me too long to decide that I no longer wished to attend church, and I
pretty much abandoned Lutheranism all altogether. I was an outcast. A couple of years later after my
parents had divorced, the pastor came over to my dad’s house to visit me (I was the only one home
at the time). We had a good chat and catch-up. He made a point of telling me that the congregation
really missed my family and would very much like to see us back at church. I told him
that we’d definitely think about it, but I never went back. I ended up moving to Japan instead.
High School. Maths C seating
arrangements – The Unwritten Rule. When I first started studying at high school,
I very quickly realised that wherever you start sitting in a class at the start of the semester,
is pretty much where you stay throughout the entire semester. So I was studying Maths C
(I think it’s called Specialist Mathematics now – only nine people in the school were studying it).
One of my classmates was a very athletic rugby player named Jason who was not only
physically fit, but also quite smart. The girls liked him, the boys like him, I hated him.
I don’t know why, I just didn’t like him. Anyway, one day, a thought popped into my head, “Why do I
have to keep sitting in the same old seat day in day out?”. So on the spur of the moment,
I just decided to sit at Jason’s desk. I knew he wouldn’t like it. I knew I was only a skinny
maths nerd, but then I thought, “What’s he going to do?”. I looked around and could see the look
on the other classmates’ faces. They knew there was going to be trouble. Anyway, Jason walked in,
stood in front of his desk staring at me. I asked him what was wrong. I could see him contemplating
whether he was going to manhandle me or not, but he just quietly walked past and sat at another
desk. To be fair to him, he handled it very well, although, he did keep staring at me throughout
the entire class, formulating a plan what he was going to do with me outside the classroom.
In the end, he never touched me, but he did go and tell all of his friends what happened – he
had a lot of friends – all of which started treating me quite badly whenever they saw me.
During the next Maths C class, I decided to move back to my original desk, but the teacher
actually did made a point of saying that there is no rule about seating arrangements and that
we were free to sit wherever we like. But of course, that didn’t sway the opinion of Jason.
For the next year or so, I was pretty much treated like an outcast by the entire rugby team.
Thinking back, it was kind of stupid of me. If I just wanted to make a point of sitting
at a different desk, then I could have sat at any other desk in the classroom that didn’t
already have a person sitting at it. But instead I chose to sit at the popular rugby player’s desk
knowing that I was probably going to start a war. I honestly don’t know why I did it.
Maybe I thought it would be more meaningful and memorable, but in the end it was just a
stupid decision and another example of me going against the societal grain for little gain.
Martin Bryant – a convicted Australian mass shooter who killed 35 people in 1996. Many
of my classmates were deeply affected by this news and so our teachers decided to have an
open conversation with us in class about it. We went around the room saying what we thought
about Martin Bryant. Some students said, “He’s a psycho!”. Others said, “They should lock him
away and throw away the key!”, “Eye for an eye! They should shoot him!”. When it came to my turn,
I simply asked, “Why did he do it? Was he bullied? Was he abused at home?”. Anyway, my teacher didn’t
take too kindly to my line of questioning and accused me of trying to justify what Bryant did.
My classmates turned on me as well calling me, “Weirdo” or “Psycho”,
or whatever else they said. Basically, how dare I try to figure out why he did it. I
should have either just shut up, or gone along with the crowd and call Bryant a sociopath.
Clearly, I misread the crowd. I thought we were there to have an open discussion,
but as it turned out, the teacher just wanted us to yell abuse at Bryant.
Coming third on purpose. I was a pretty good medium-distance runner. One year,
I came second in the 1500 metres and therefore was eligible to go to the Regionals. However,
that required me to get up early three days a week and go train with my other teammates. I hated it.
The day of the big regional race came around, and I knew that the top eight
would go through to the state finals, so I tried my best not to run too fast.
As I was rounding the final corner, I realised that I was probably in the top eight,
so I intentionally slowed down and walked the last 10 metres or so. A number of boys passed me and I
ended up coming tenth. People from my school came up to me yelling, “What are you doing?!
Why did you slow down?!”. I just lied and said, “I thought I already crossed the finish line!”.
From that point onwards, many of my teammates suspected me. They had a feeling that in many
of my races, I was coming third on purpose just to avoid going through to the finals or whatever.
Actually, they were right. I just didn’t want to be in the limelight. I didn’t want to go to
training. I didn’t want to have all that pressure on me. In the end, I chose to be outcast instead.
Japan. Conformity is common in Japan.
However, a socially withdrawn sub-group (the so-called hikikomori) appears to be unable
to conform yet is also unwilling to rebel. It’s basically a form of severe social withdrawal which
is characterised by adolescents and young adults who become recluses in their parents’ homes,
unable to work or go to school for months or even years at a time.
Yankii are another subculture that refuse to conform with traditional Japanese society,
and instead embrace punkish rebellion, join motorcycle gangs (so-called “speed
tribes”), dye their hair blonde or red, with Yankii women wearing modified school uniforms,
or miniskirts and platforms. They often squat as if they are going to the toilet, so-called “unko
suwari” or “poo-sitting”. Understandably, Yankiis don’t have very good prospects in
conformist Japan and usually have to make do with casual jobs at convenience stores and the like. I
had my own run-ins with Japanese conformity when I was working over there as an English teacher.
Occasionally, we would have a free period or two due to cancellations or lack of bookings or
whatever else, and our manager – a young Japanese lady – would come out and ask us to do mundane
tasks such as cleaning the floors or windows, or tidying up the lunch tables and chairs.
Every time she asked me, I would refuse. I told her I’m happy to prepare lesson plans or whatever,
as long as it’s related to teaching English, but I refused to do any menial labour. In hindsight,
I was probably a bit mean, but to be fair, I was only in my early twenties and I didn’t like the
idea of going over to Japan to wash windows and vacuum the floors. Anyway, after about the 20th
time her asking me to vacuum the floors, I started to wonder why she kept asking me.
Obviously, I wasn’t going to do it, but then I started to think that perhaps she liked me,
so I asked her out to lunch, and she said “yes”. That evening she came over to my apartment to help
me “prepare lesson plans”, and that’s exactly what she went on to tell her coworkers that we did when
they inevitably found out she was coming over to my place in the evenings. She literally told them
that she was helping me “prepare lesson plans”. Whenever my coworkers asked me why she was coming
over to my place, I would jokingly tell them that she was helping me “prepare lesson plans” as well.
My Australian friend from another school also had a similar experience. He started seeing
one of his Japanese teachers (a huge no-no in Japan – she could have lost her job), but it
just happened that she was also the district Karate champion for her weight division. She
was a third-degree black belt, so whenever anybody asked why she was visiting my friend’s apartment,
she always answered “practising karate”. So it became a bit of running joke between us. “What
did you do on the weekend?”, “Practise karate. How about yourself?”, “Prepared some lesson plans”.
And we had to do it this way, otherwise our female companions would have lost their jobs. As it was
left unspoken, nothing bad happened. In the end, even though my manager liked my initial rebellious
streak, ultimately, she needed someone who was willing to conform to the Japanese way of life,
otherwise it was just not going to work, so we ended up having to end our little rendezvous.
China Conformity is extremely common in China as well.
I worked as an English teacher at a small kindergarten, and every morning we had to
stand and sing the Chinese national anthem while the flag was raised. Despite protests from the
principal, I told her I’m happy to stand up and participate in the ceremony every morning, but
I’m not going to salute as China is not my country and I shouldn’t swear allegiance to it. She seemed
to understand, but also told me that if I was Chinese, I would lose my job. I suppose that was
a veiled threat, but it didn’t work on me. It kind of reminds me of that German photograph of one
man, August Landmesser, who refused to perform the Nazi salute with the other workers. Consequently,
for my refusal to salute the flag, I very much got off on the wrong foot with the principal.
Beijing summers got very hot, so often I would wear shorts to work. Just as often, the principal
would tell me that shorts are not appropriate work attire, and I would tell her I understand, but
then the very next day, I would wear shorts again. I just can’t help myself but go against the grain.
These are photos I downloaded from the school’s website with me wearing shorts,
so I guess they gave up trying to tame me, but they did post these photos without my permission,
which I let slide. Here are some more photos of me which I randomly discovered on some Beijing
billboards scattered through the north part of the city. They were also posting these without
my permission, but I guess because I refused to salute the flag, and refused to dress how
she wanted me to, the principal decided to to do whatever she damn well pleased with my photos.
I suppose I became a bit of a minor celebrity in the region, which I wasn’t exactly thrilled about,
but what could I do? Sue them? Yeah right! I was also asked by the principal to go on voluntary day
trips with the other staff – team building I suppose – but unsurprisingly, I refused.
I felt that I wasn’t getting paid nearly enough to spend my days off at work as well. Although I
liked my coworkers, they were all females which I saw everyday, so sometimes I just needed some time
apart. The kindergarten was providing me with free accommodation with the understanding that I was
the only one living there. But of course, I broke the rules and had my girlfriend living with me
(my future wife). Whenever the owners would come over for their monthly inspections,
my girlfriend would move out, and I would pretend that I was the only one living there.
One time though, my girlfriend accidentally left her pink toothbrush in the bathroom,
and the owners asked me what it was. I didn’t lie,
I told them it was a pink toothbrush. They had their suspicions, but couldn’t prove anything.
China (continued) Here’s me going swimming in Beijing.
You’d think nothing could go wrong in a Chinese swimming pool, but you would be wrong. I got into
a fight with the local swimming pool attendant because you see, I was wearing board shorts,
and apparently that was a big no-no. Chinese men wear tight little shorts when they swim and that’s
the rule. I stood there for about half-an-hour arguing with a number of pool attendants.
I saw no issue in wearing board shorts. But, in the end, the manager came out and said if I don’t
put on the little shorts, they’re going to call the police and have me arrested. As it was hot,
and I didn’t particularly want to be arrested and potentially deported, I put on the damn shorts.
The funny thing about all of this was that Chinese women can wear whatever they want to. They could
wear skimpy little bikinis or anything else. There’s double standards everywhere. I tried to
enter a local WuMart, but the guard came up to me and told me I couldn’t enter because of my shorts.
Shorts again! But I saw other men wearing shorts, entering the building, so I protested his
decision. After fumbling around with a phrasebook for a short time, I realised he wasn’t refusing me
entry because of my shorts, but because my shorts were ripped. Although ripped shorts may have been
considered cool in Australia at the time, they certainly weren’t at WuMart. Here’s a photo
of me sitting on Chairman Mao’s lap. I knew it would get me into trouble, but I did it anyway.
The guards came racing up and told me to get off, and said if I do it again, I’ll be arrested.
I didn’t push my luck. Amazingly, I never got arrested in China… I think that they’re probably
not as strict as people make out, but then again, I haven’t been over their recently. Here’s me
again up on the mountains in an area where I shouldn’t be. This one I happen to agree with.
Please don’t take stupid photos like this! People do die. Soon after this photo was taken, a park
ranger popped out of nowhere and told me to get down. I refused, so he pushed me off the cliff...
That’s a joke, people! After living and visiting China over the years, I realised conformity is
seen as a virtue in China. “Listen and obey” is very much the motto in Chinese schools and
in Chinese society in general. That’s the only way they can control such a huge population.
Consequently, I cannot make China my permanent home unless something drastically changes.
2021 and Beyond Although I have lots of
other stories where I refused to conform, here we are currently in 2021, a year where lots of people
are going against the grain. Due to my own personal choices, I will be formally excluded
from society in the upcoming weeks and months. Again, due to my resistance to conform. People
sometimes hate me because of it. People sometimes question my motives. People sometimes distrust me.
But ultimately, throughout my life, I simply do not like going along with the majority
of people. I naturally go against the grain. I don’t blame anyone. This is entirely on me.
I am an outcast due to my reluctance to conform. And that’s okay. I’ve accepted my fate.